Therapy for trauma from BPD/NPD parents

[mary_poppins]

Hi all. How are you guys doing?

Sorry if this question was asked before but I need to know what kind of therapy works the best to heal the trauma from NPD or BPD parents?
I have done so much research and talked to a lot of people but I am still confused about this topic. I have heard that somatic experiencing is the best and EMDR also works well. However, I can't really find these therapies in the city where I live (I did find one EMDR therapist but did not see any reviews).

A trauma therapist on youtube said we need to do therapy to reset our nervous system (nervous system restructuring) because cPTSD people are in a fight or flight mode daily which causes a lot of problems and illnesses.

I found only two therapists in my city that seem ok: an IFS therapist (internal family system) who is supposed to heal trauma by focusing on our scattered internal parts (the self is shattered during trauma) and a therapist who uses schema therapy (this also helps trauma but I'm not familiar with it).

Which therapy helped you and were you able to find a good, trustworthy therapist? I'm also afraid I'm going to stumble across bad therapists since it happened to me in the past.

[walking on broken glass]

Hi Mary poppins!
Good question! I was also wondering about that when I was looking for a new therapist. I think it is different for everyone. I have heard that EMDR works very well for many people who suffer from cPTSD but I have not tried it myself. I have read about IFS and watched a few videos but decided it wasn't for me. Again, it's personal: I know that people speak highly of it and have found the 'parts' narrative helpful in putting things into place. It sounded rather simplistic to me and did not click. I asked my therapist about it and she said that it's not a separate modality, it borrows stuff from other modalities but uses a particular language that resonates with many people.
My therapist follows a psychodynamic approach. What attracted me to her profile was her experience with narcissistic family systems. Perhaps you can look for someone who has experience with that area specifically?

[Rebel13]

Hi mary_poppins,

Here's a post I made a while ago about my process of therapist shopping. It has worked out really well for me. I've been working with the person I picked for a year and a half, and I'm so pleased with my progress and how much better I'm feeling. For me, I didn't want someone who was committed to any particular modality, framework, or guru. I wanted to be able to pick and choose from things I had a little experience with -- like Pete Walker's work, which helped me so much in the beginning-- as well as work with someone who would know about eclectic resources that might help. So I focused on looking for someone who said they knew about trauma, and broke it down from there like I describe in my linked post.

So if there are things you already have used that help you -- like you tried EMDR using Youtube videos, or you read someone's work and had an epiphany, or there's a Youtuber whose perspective is helpful for you -- I'd include that in your questioning/interview process to see if the person is familiar and open to using things you've already tried, and going from there. Like WOBG said, I think it is different for everyone. I also am not drawn to EMDR but I know a lot of people say it really helped them. My partner saw someone for a while who used IFS, and it helped her somewhat, but I also recently read an article about some of the problems with it. Not to discourage you at all! But I really would talk to different people and choose someone you really click with, who's not too dogmatic. In my experience that can be troublesome for us, having grown up being bossed around and defined by others and trying to live up to other people's ideas and expectations. Therapy should be about you and what you need, with someone more knowledgeable to guide you, not someone who thinks they know what's right for you, and I think if they understand childhood relational trauma/CPTSD, they should understand that.