GC sister with POA "gifted" me money from mom, triangulation?

Started by Blueberry Pancakes, January 05, 2026, 12:04:19 PM

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Blueberry Pancakes

I do not know what this recent move was from my sister. I am no contact with her for a number of years, except for a brief period last year when our dad died.     

It is a long story, but GC sister is the sole POA. Our parents had POA finalized before dad died and they had both my sister and I named as joint POA. Sister however hired her own attorney before dad died and rewrote a new POA without my name on it and both parents signed it. That is how my sister became the sole POA. That maneuver however is not the point of my post. 

My point is, I received a "Christmas card" in the mail with my sister's return address. I almost threw it out, but instead I opened it. It was a child-like snoopy card. Inside was a small amount of cash. My sister's handwriting simply had signed it "mom".
 
It was so odd. It kind of gives me the creeps. I cannot explain it. 
   
The card itself was nothing my mother would have ever selected from a store. The amount inside was minimal compared to the amount I know mom and dad budgeted during the holidays. I do not believe my mother (she has dementia) asked her to do it. 

So, what was the point in sending this to me? Any ideas?

It has been a couple weeks, and I cannot shake it. To me, I felt like she is triangulating her having POA. She is showing me that she is in control of the financial assets and I am not.

I just want her to leave me alone. It just seems like she keeps creeping around me trying to get my attention. 

Rebel13

For some reason this reminded me of the conversation in Sense and Sensibility where the brother and his wife talk themselves out of helping his mother and sisters like they've promised his father they will do. Maybe your sister had that conversation with herself:  "Well, I know Mom and Dad wanted Blueberry Pancakes to have $X, but really, she's doing so well, and I could really use this money to buy gifts for my children, which they really deserve, so I will only send Blueberry Pancakes this pittance and she should be grateful I thought of her at all."

Regardless, I'm sorry this happened. It's like sometimes they just have to keep thinking of the most annoying and puzzling ways to insert themselves into our lives and grab our attention. It's so hard to protect our peace of mind from these shenanigans.
"Being humanitarian, being kind and loving, does not include entrusting my life or well-being to anyone whose intention or unconscious direction is to cause me harm. I am here to enjoy the life that Mother Earth gave me." ~ Ellen Jean Zoltak

walking on broken glass

Rebel, I love the Sense and Sensibility reference!

I am really sorry, Blueberry pancakes. Whatever your sister's motives are, they are definitely not good. What I thought was that she is trying to get you to get in touch with her, and by creating a 'mystery' she thinks she will intrigue you enough to do it. It is not worth dwelling on it, although I know that this is easier said than done! Hopefully she will leave you alone if you don't take the bait.

Nolite te bastardes carborundorum

Blueberry Pancakes

Thank you, Rebel and Walking.

I too like the Sense and Sensibility reference. That movie happens to be one of my favorites.

Her motives, whatever they are, not being good is very true to me. I think it is something I literally felt in my gut when I opened that card. It sort of felt like a gut-punch to me. She literally has everything from our parents. Yet, she seems to be taunting me with it. I do think she may be looking for some reaction from me. I have been firm in NC with her and I think perhaps in her mind it renders her irrelevant and getting some response from me will make her feel important. 

Regardless, as you state, it is not worth dwelling on. It is exasperating though as the one who went NC and asks of nothing of anyone I am the one she seems to enjoy pestering the most. 

Thanks.
       

Lamplite

Hi Pancakes

I agree that's creepy. Not only the random approach but that shes found any old weird stuff to try to engage with you. She sounds quite dependent/enmeshed with you - maybe precisely because u are the one who went NC and don't ask for anything. Your indifference must really p*ss her off. Its like she just can not leave you alone. My sister, during my last period of NC used to be like that. She once followed me round our local town (crossed paths by accident )snarling, growling, baring herteeth and making false 'rushes' towards me. It was meant to intimidate, which it did mainly because it was SO bizarre to see a respectable looking woman of 45 years behave like that in public. Their weirdness is truly disturbing. I think, as you say, she's gloating, hoovering and who knows what. Sending kind thoughts.

Blueberry Pancakes

Thank you for the reply, Lamplite.

Her being dependent/enmeshed with me makes total sense. That may be why she won't just go away. I am coming to think she used me as a stabilizing force (reliable "device" she could use) in her life than I ever knew. I guess it must be hard to replace. I have also accidentally run into my sister in public, and she looks at me shaking in anger with lips curled under. She looks obsessed. It sounds like you know that look.

Lamplite

Yes, I think they use us to self-regulate more than we realise. My sister used to have 'mad eyes' when I wasnt in contact with her, even in photos. Ive since seen something on YouTube (cant remember what) that it's a sort of slow panic they feel when you get away. My sister tried all sorts of tricks to get my attention. It would be sad if it weren't so pathological.

Blueberry Pancakes

Quote from: Lamplite on January 06, 2026, 05:22:00 PMMy sister tried all sorts of tricks to get my attention. It would be sad if it weren't so pathological.

Yes, exactly that. It would be sad, but when you know the pathological aspects, it registers as something very different.