New member

[notakinganymore]

Hi - I learned about this site from my oncologist who has a family background like mine.  She apparently recognized the signs of someone raised by a mother whose view of the world is severely skewed.  At the age of 50, I'm only beginning to realize the degree to which my choices invariably prioritized what my mother wanted over what was best for me. This has left me quite disconnected from my true self and trying to sort out what is left for me.
I am single, no kids, my brother (only sibling) died years ago, and I am trying to determine what I can possibly do to create a life for myself that contains anything to look forward to? Right now, I work and try to take care of my mother, recently widowed--A woman who is never wrong, never happy, always better than everything and everyone around her, and for whom nothing is EVER good enough.

My father was willing to spend his entire life voluntarily subjecting himself to this misery but I am not, now that I finally see the situation for what it is.  Step one is locating places I can communicate with others who were raised by PDparent and learning how they dug out from under how they were taught to interpret the world.  I look forward to learning from you all...

[Rebel13]

Hi, notakinganymore! Welcome!

Many of us here will relate to your story. For myself, I found out I had cancer just about 3 years ago, and stopped talking to my mother after a disastrous visit around that same time. I'm also in my 50s! It's amazing it can take so long to realize that the problem was never us; that we didn't cause it, we can't control it, and we can't cure it.

Since you are taking care of your mom, it might help you to read some of the articles in the Toolbox section of the site. Under "What not to do," Boundaries and the Three C's are really good places to start. I also like Medium Chill a lot, for when I have to talk to someone like my mom who is difficult and tries to manipulate me.

Glad you are here, and wishing you the best in starting to find your own voice after so many years of lifting up everyone else's at your own expense.