Causing a terrible situation, followed by “rescuing” you from the situation

[Invisiblewoman]

Just something I noticed with toxic types.

They will willfully influence a horrible situation to happen, but then try to act like a rescuer or with deep offence at the situation they caused.

My mom used to do things like this, like encourage my brother to attack me, but then because she kicked him out of the house later on, she reframed the situation as if she rescued me. She used to try and reframe the experience as if she was my rescuer even though she fully witnessed and encouraged my brother to assault me for me months.

Currently have a toxic neighbour and am worried he is trying the same sort of things, by triangulating me against another neighbour.

[Call Me Cordelia]

Yuuuuup. My mother Munchausen by proxy'd me.

Manipulated me and exaggerated physical symptoms and played martyr of the year to take me to doctor after doctor until I was on lots of psychoactive medications, and then played the situation for maximum pity for the poor suffering mother.

[Deborah]

Old topic. But this is something that I cannot wrap my mind around. Both my ex and parents did/do this. Other people see the rescueing. And do not understand why you are not grateful. When it is them that caused the situation to begin with.

Ex would set up situations. We were bicycling abroad. He had all the stuff, like tents and passports and money. So he forced me to go into a forest at night. With him. I was so dependent that I went. Then he suddenly rode away. When we were in the middle of nowhere. In a forest. Leaving me there. Alone. Terrified. In the evening. With sun going down. In the end he came back. And acted like the rescuer. I was so happy he was back (and I had a tent to sleep in). That it created deep dependence. Stockholm syndrome.

Mum and dad created psychological problems in me. Then acted like the rescuer. Stealing my child. Which was wonderful for them. Because I was the crazy and mean daughter. And they the heroes. Lovingly raising their child. Every time I got better...they tried their best to make me ill again. They would even push me to the verge of suicide. Dad continued to bully me once... even when I was about to suicide myself. Then he came to me. Said he would pray for me. He would get me help. He did not want me to suicide. And he called all the helper professionals to say how worried he was over my instability.

This is so sick... and he acts genuinely worried...as if his abuser part does not talk with his rescuer part. In his own mind.

[Adria]

Yikes, you guys!!! I've been told my stories usually top most. But, these are terrifying.  My parents never, ever rescued me. They just plain out threw me in the ditch.  These stories are so frightening and sad. Deborah, I am so, so sorry for what you endured.  What horribly insane people.  You are so strong. I'm so proud of everyone here for pulling themselves up and actually being brave enough to see things as they truly were, and then fighting to heal.  I always thought about roses and picket fences. Boy, was that a fairytale we weren't cast in. Kudos to you beautiful souls. You are the best, my friends. Hugs, Adria.

[Invisiblewoman]

Yikes, you guys!!! I've been told my stories usually top most. But, these are terrifying.  My parents never, ever rescued me. They just plain out threw me in the ditch.  These stories are so frightening and sad. Deborah, I am so, so sorry for what you endured.  What horribly insane people.  You are so strong. I'm so proud of everyone here for pulling themselves up and actually being brave enough to see things as they truly were, and then fighting to heal.  I always thought about roses and picket fences. Boy, was that a fairytale we weren't cast in. Kudos to you beautiful souls. You are the best, my friends. Hugs, Adria.

Thanks for the validation. It was terrifying.

I think abusers realize the gravity of their behaviour but are so unable to accept responsibility they try to reframe the situation to not sound as bad.

They get off on when their flying monkeys get caught doing the same behaviour because it temporarily absolves them of the same behaviour, and allows them to point the finger elsewhere