Silence

[walking on broken glass]

It's been a few weeks since I sent my mum my final letter and so far there has been silence. I don't know if my letter has reached her yet (sometimes the post takes ages to deliver) but I am trying to tell myself that I have done my part and I shouldn't worry about when or if the letter will arrive. Realistically, there are very slim chances that the letter will not be delivered. And I was prepared for the scenario of no response (frankly better than a horrific response). I just hope that I can leave this all behind me and start healing. But I find difficult not to interpret the silence as waiting for the other shoe to drop.

[Call Me Cordelia]

Didn't your mother attempt to get to you through your friend and her mother? She's run out of options if she's getting that desperate.

But whatever happens or doesn't, I understand that feeling of not knowing how to feel safe. It really is unfamiliar territory for scapegoat survivors. You're in a different country and have built your own life wonderfully. You've truly done well! I think trusting that is a conscious decision that will take some time to become habit, and the old ways are going to pop up again in your mind and body. Especially when you've majorly gone off the scapegoat script as you have here. I'm there too today, having just sent my own goodbye note. I'm choosing to look at my body's fear response as validation that I'm doing the right thing here. Being honest brings fear for a reason. But we can do so anyway and we will have a good life despite them.

[walking on broken glass]

Didn't your mother attempt to get to you through your friend and her mother? She's run out of options if she's getting that desperate.

She did! I am still not sure if this was because she received the letter or it was unrelated. But since then there have been no other attempts but, to be fair, I don't think there's anything else she could try as I have cut off all access. She can email me or post a letter – those are the only means to get in touch with me.

Well done on sending your own goodbye note. Being genuine to ourselves can only bring good things.

[NarcKiddo]

My bet is that she did receive it and that is what triggered her last attempt to get to you. However she is likely smart enough to know that if she outright acknowledges receipt you can point to it in future whenever she tries to breach your boundary. By leaving it unclear she can always claim she never got the letter if need be.

I realise it is difficult when we don't have proof of what happened, but I think your best bet is to decide the letter did arrive and that is indeed what triggered her latest attempt. If in future you find it did not arrive, either because it finds its way back to you obviously unopened, or because she receives it later and then reacts you can proceed on the basis of the new information.