The monster I'm wrestling with ...

[Lookin 2 B Free]

I guess I should just name the monster that raises its head on a regular basis as I'm targeted, shunned, etc by the uNPD who married into my FOC and is squarely at the controls either running people off or turning them into flying monkeys.

Will I ever recover from the burning, searing shame I felt during childhood day after day, year after year, from being targeted, treated like a piece of s***, ostracized?  Which is now triggered by this situation of the past 5 yrs or so?  Well, I guess many years of recovery and therapy have helped quite a bit.  But seemingly not enough to stand having this again.

I guess my choices are to keep limited contact with the FOC for the sake of the close attachments I do still have which are important to me and a few young ones (which preclude me going NC with uNPD).  Or going VLC or NC with most all of the FOC.  Or moving away where I won't run into any of them and will, by necessity, be having less contact.  Meanwhile, of course, I'll still be doing therapy on my shame and other stuff.  The trauma yields to partial improvement, but, so  far, not to the level of healing which makes me strong against this stuff.

How did you avoid being "run out of town" or did you find physically leaving to be helpful?

[walking on broken glass]

I am so sorry, Looking to be free. It must be so difficult and scary to relive a traumatic situation. I wonder if you are equating 'being strong' with 'having no strong feelings'. It is humanly impossible not to affected by a person who targets you and wreaks havoc in your life. It is absolutely normal to be upset and angry and horrified. Please don't think that an emotional reaction makes you less strong.
It is great that you can think of all the choices you have with clarity. Imagine that you pursue each one of them: how would it feel? what outcome would you want and what choice is most likely to give you that? Different people will have different answers to this situation; what is important is what feels right for you. It's ok if you are not sure just yet. Maybe taking some time to explore your options will help you decide. One suggestion would be to start with the 'low risk' choice, going low contact, and see how it feels. If this level of contact is still upsetting for you, you can dilute it even more. Is moving away physically something you would be happy to do and would not have a negative impact on other aspects of your life? Just think this through.

[Lookin 2 B Free]

Thanks, WOBG!  It's really helpful to hear that, of course, major long-term disruptions caused by a pwPD are going to bring up strong feelings --  regardless of practicing MC or GR or whatever.  I'm starting to go back to the source with FOO and find some healing there.  Some of the people are no longer alive, so I'm reworking some of it with imaginary redo's of the situation.  But BOY is there a lot.  I wouldn't bother with it, but it's so obviously affecting my current relationships.

There would be so much at stake for me if I moved, both good and bad. Sometimes I imagine how free I might feel being away from this quagmire.  Not that a new place wouldn't have pwPD.  But they wouldn't be attached to my family and I'm quite good at not hooking in with the ones I meet through normal social interactions.  In that case they're more just a major pain to deal with rather than something that disrupts your life (as long as you keep good boundaries).

[skybox]

In my case, I moved away from a situation where unpd married in, similarly. It gave some peace, and still does, but like L2BF, I stayed connected for young people over the years.  It's sad...
I had not dealt with damage, ended up marrying one myself, and so forth.
These days, better late than never, done a lot of work.

Wishing you peace

[Lookin 2 B Free]

Thanks, Skybox.  It's helpful to know that physical distance can help sometimes.  Right now I'm praying for clarity.  More stuff has come up.  Hearing about what was said about me recently to a young one who is very bonded to me and not old enough to "consider the source."  It landed like a kick in the gut.  I know I'm not the only one to be lied about, sometimes smeared, on here.

Fight, flight, freeze (sometimes called collapse).  I go straight to collapse with some of this stuff and it takes a day or 2 to realize that's what's happened. I took some action that helped some.  But this kind of thing knocks the stuffing out of me and brings up hopelessness and feeling a lot of self doubt.  I have a partner and friends who love me, though, and I have to hang onto that, though it's not strong enough to keep me from buckling sometimes.