Feeling crazy

[Stayingstrong]

Hi everyone. This is my first post. I'm joining this forum because my sister has borderline personality disorder and I have been psychologically tortured by her since childhood. When I started setting boundaries she retaliated by turning my family against me. I am frequently approached by family members and things have become pretty much a nightmare. She lies and tells people I am doing the things she is doing.  She talks to my elderly mother about me who then cries and tells me how hurtful I am being. She begs me to talk with my sister because "she loves you and would do anything to be close to you". I've told my mother all of the horrible things my sister says and does. I've showed her the text messages and expressed how painful this all is, but it doesn't matter.  I've now cut off all communication with my sister, but anytime I accidentally bump into her, the whole situation starts all over again. I now recognize that I may have to cut off contact with my mother and maybe other family members as well. Even though I know this is really happening to me, I keep wondering if I'm the one with the problem. I feel crazy and I constantly question myself. I'm so thankful to my husband and friends who keep me grounded and remind me that I am a good/sane person and that my family is sick. It all hurts so much.

[xredshoesx]

welcome to the group @Stayingstrong

I think one of the unifying experiences we've all had here is trying to convince someone in our close circle of how the way we are being treated by a uPD/ PD loved one is abusive, especially in your situation where the manipulation tactics have been used to reel your mother in as a pawn of your sister. 

I also feel that questioning is something we all do, because it is normal and customary for rational people to try to adjust themselves to try to fix problems in any relationship-  the problem for the collective here is there is never any 'fix' that works bc the uPD/ PD in our lives keeps changing the rules/ expectations. 

I came to the forum originally to heal from a bad relationship with a possibly PD partner and stayed to work on the fractured relationship I had with a mentally ill mother who had been in/ out of my life since I was three....

it's a lot of baby steps to get to where the abuse doesn't affect my day to day, and i'm 30+ years NC...... when i start hearing my mother come out of my mouth I post and sometimes even get back into face to face work- that keeps me grounded and from taking out my grief on my husband and the people I love/ work with.

keep taking baby steps and keep working through the hard things as you process layers and layers of all the things you have endured-  I know you will make the decision best for you as to what amount of contact you decide to have with your mother moving forward,  there is no 'right' answer- what's right is what helps you heal and protects you from secondary abuse from your sister.

[Stayingstrong]

Hi xredshoesx. Thank you for replying and sharing. You pointing out that there will never be a fix and the rules will keep changing really helps. I think that is a mantra I can definitely use to clear my head. "I'm not crazy, the rules have changed. "

Good for you to be able to keep NC and to recognize when you are slipping and using resources to get back on tracks. It is so sad/frustrating how much energy this all takes.