They didn't want me to leave

[Juga]

They have 'literally' stopped me when i was about to leave. I've collapsed (nercous systemwise), felt helpless, &resentful, felt like they had taken away things from me. Do not know how to cope, it is hard to believe that such thing can happen. Has anybody dealt with the pressure, wanting wanting/need to leave but sensing and getting the manipulation/fog to stay? Also, there's a quite big uncertainty waiting for me once I step outside the house but it feels better than staying. Nonetheless, i had dreams which i wanted to make, and which are out of thin air now, not knowing if they woukd ever come true. Help, how i can live my own life? Thank you.

[bloomie]

Hi, and welcome to Out of the FOG. The pressure from loved ones to stay in the circumstances and role we have always been in can be overwhelming. I am so thankful you have reached out for support and so sorry you are struggling finding a foothold in your path to independence.

As you settle in, there are great resources all over the forum boards and at the drop down menus above that you can simply read and soak up. The conversations and insights from the community can be of good help and empowerment as you engage and share a bit more of the experiences that bring you here.

Help, how i can live my own life?

I have found the answer to this heart's cry is one baby step at a time. You have taken a step to begin to build a  support system for yourself by joining us here. I am so glad you did that. Keep coming back as you are able.

[Liketheducks]

Juga....hugs to you.   This is rough stuff.   My mom has done similar, throwing a massive guilt trip with cwhen it's time for me to go.   And, I felt horrible about it....while also needing to leave just to be able to breathe.

It is much easier for me to deal with now.   I shift my mindset from being her child, to being the adult in the relationship.   (And let's face it....with all the parentification going on....that's really what I've been all along.  I just didn't realize it).   I treat those moments like I did when I left my son a pre-school.   Keep it light, be the grown up, and get yourself outta there.   Feel all those feelings when you get back home and have the space to process them.

Keep coming here.   We've got you.   

[1footouttadefog]

Unless they need spoon fed because of disability of similar essential help then it's a matter of want and not need.

You are entitled with what you want out of life as much as they are.  It's normal for children to leave home and venture out to live their dreams.   

My kids have recently left the nest.  I have fears and concerns but it's their life and their dreams.  I want to be apart of their lives well lived not to stop them for my own selfish needs.

I think most parents want their kids to launch even of there is anxiety.

Regardless of your age or whether you have left and come back, it's okay to live your life. Hopefully they will accept a new normal with time and if not you know how abusive and unhealthy things are.

If you are having a problem breaking free perhaps and this will sound stupid, have sleep overs after you move out. Spend one night a week with them for a time.  Them taper if down.