Confused

[Ed]

Hello, thank you for running this forum first of all. After years I finally filed for divorce. My wife is telling me worst things over and over for years. For more that 6 weeks I haven't said an angry word to her. She is calling me coward, bastard, and other on one day and act like nothing happened the next day. I just keep completely silent or grey rock and she sais: I did you nothing. Why are you so cruel. Why are you handling me so bad. And on one side I don't want to play this games. Actually I can't because I'm somehow allergic against it now. But on the other side I feel guilty. Like I don't want her to suffer despite she is trying to destroy me anyway she can. And I know that if I would give in for a moment, I will pay a huge price for it. Do you have a good advice for me?

[xredshoesx]

welcome to the group @Ed

it makes sense to want to leave/ separate for your own health/ sanity and still be concerned about your soon to be ex-  we are human and it's not in our nature to be that cruel.

however, in your situation any leeway given will allow for the potential for new abuse to happen (no good deed goes unpunished).  One of the things that helped me make that final break with my ex was making a list of all the horrible things that had hurt me over the course of the relationship and re-reading it when I was having feelings or empathy for him. 

grey rock for sure to be able to keep your defense up.  the behaviors you described may escalate as the divorce proceeds-  keeping a journal where you tell the journal how you wanted to respond vs telling your ex in person is also not a bad idea