Positive contacts

[Deborah]

Maybe someone likes to join me. Things are rough here. I'd like to share positive moments I have with people. Care to join?

I know many of my neighbours. We spend a lot of time together. There is a man I always have short talks with. He has chronic psychosis and addiction. We have some sort of connection. There's always a smile or chat. He'll ask me for a drink from the supermarket. We'll play chess. He says he trusts nobody, but he does trust me, because I treat him like a humanbeing. Which I felt was a very special compliment. I can see he is sweet. Underneath the troubles.

His family lives in my street. I always pass them by. We greet. But I do not know them. Now... I passed them by. And the lady quickly came to me. With shoes in her hand. My shoes are old. She may have seen it. She said: here, if you want you can have them. My daughter doesn't wear them. She also brought another pair. We talked. She said her brother used to be such a sweet and kind little boy. That it was hard to see him like this. I said I could see this in him.

This is a tiny contact. But I found it special somehow. This is a poor and simple immigrant family. Somewhat strange. Many look down on them. But she acted nice. I found it such a small and kind gesture. I could see she did not have it easy in life. I cannot give words to it. But it really touched me.

Kindness can do a lot.   

[Lookin 2 B Free]

Great idea, Deborah!  I'm glad you're finding so many nourishing relationships and interactions!  I need to pay real attention to those as I can get so discouraged by the pwPD in my life.

I know many people and have good, very long time friendships based on love and trust and honesty.

But the best surprise has happened in the past year in a long distance relationship which is full of love, trust, honesty and caring and this man has not let me down, is upfront about feelings including disappointment and anger (which are pretty rare, but it's handled in a healthy way -  so important!)  He doesn't punish or use revenge for  imagined slights (which are also very rare here - where they were constant in my PD relationship).  He takes care of his own needs but is also very attentive to mine.  I never thought I'd experience this.  I feel so fortunate!

[Deborah]

That sounds absolutely great.

I notice the same. My family is so painful... that it distracts my attention from all the good people in my life. Which is why I think it is important to post about that.

I am happy you have loving people in your life. And even found a ldr. This sounds like a great person. And good for you to be capable of this. I have noticed the same with my normal ex (still friends). Just healthy... no games... no unsafety...no silly revenge. I get your enthusiasm. I think you and him both are fortunate.

I have another positive one today. I just went to church. It is a small church I have visited before. I think of switching to that one. They welcomed me so warmly.
 

[Deborah]

There were little sweet moments the last days.

I bumped into a beautiful art exhibition about God & trauma healing.
I dropped my groceries, and random people on the streets helped me.
I called a friend and we had a caring talk.
A neighbour in the old peoples home died. This is obviously not at all happy. But a neighbour and I visited his girlfriend. I was relieved to see that she, too, was sad over our neighbour. That she felt involved. That people still care.

[mary_poppins]

I feel you. It's important to focus on these little, precious moments we have with people outside our family.
I'm glad you connected with your neighbor. I do get it how great it feels for a stranger to give you positive and non-judgmental feedback. We are good people and those outside our families can see that.

I have a sweet girl at work with a chronic illness and each time I work on her unit, she bursts out in enthusiasm and joy. We hug and start sharing about our lives-we mostly talk about the movies/shows we watch. Ha ha. She has a sick mother and was probably not mothered either. Her life was and is really hard and its important to her that she gets good treatment from nurses. I love it so much when I get to help her and be there for her-she is always grateful and says thank you a lot. I love her so much.

[clarityjane]

This is a beautiful reminder that even in distress, we can find small joys. I have pets that I connect with. That has helped me from the time I was a little girl. With animals, I don't have to talk or think, I just show love and receive it. Simple interactions help me to prepare for complex ones.

Maybe all the struggle has made our hearts burst with kindness. Maybe these struggles can help others and uplift them as they struggle through something. This post is inspiring, Deborah. Keep looking up, Deborah, mary and Lookin! And may all the kindness you give return to you in your time of need.

[Deborah]

Thanks for the kind words and sharing of kind moments, you both. That sounds beautifully loving, both the little girl and the pets.

I do not believe I am kind anymore. That said. I laughed out loud yesterday. I played with a mentally disabled child in my neighbourhood. I felt so light and joyful for a short moment. I cried this sunday in church. My neighbour held my hand and comforted me. Another gave me a hug. I shared a nice talk and laugh with a neighbour.

But I wish me and my family...we could find each other again. I miss them. I miss the family we were before the incest. There were good things and there were loving things. All of us did wrong. I wish we could re-connect. Still.

[Deborah]

- Went to church in early morning. Met new people. Had a nice talk. Enjoyed myself. Was my normal self.
- Got a bag full of groceries for free. My society has a lot of welfare initiatives. Something to be grateful for.
- Had a caring chat with a colleague at my volunteer job. She came out of a similar relationship as I did. She gets it.
- Had a talk with CPS. She convinced my brothers to not go all-in fight mode towards me. Over a panic attack I had and dad immediately used to triangulate them.  I received a threatening hate mail right away, without them even asking my side.