Ended Marriage Counseling

[zad7242]

My wife ended marriage counseling this past weekend. While she said believes our therapist "100%" sided with her, she was triggered by him sharing too many personal anecdotes about himself. She does not believe marriage counseling generally is beneficial for us. As she recently put it, she wants our plan moving forward to be that I kiss her more and she puts the past behind her. She has been more open to spiritual practices like praying together so maybe that can spur some positive growth. I'll give it time.  Otherwise, we dont have a plan for change and I have no idea where to go from here.

[Cascade]

I don't know the story of your marriage but marriage counselling when one of the spouses has a personality disorder isn't usually productive or very helpful, so don't feel too discouraged by her not wanting to continue marriage counselling.

[1footouttadefog]

It's pretty common for therapy not to go well with a PD. 

It's somewhere as t common for the PD to learn from it and use that to be more abusive and better at gaslighting and the like.
 

[IsleOfSong]

They always quit therapy. Always. My PD wife thought I was "winning" at therapy so we stopped going.

[zad7242]

The kicker is my wife told me that I should thank her for ending therapy because she knows that our therapist agreed with her and she could have just kept going on that basis to use against me. Really funny that the last session was the 1st one where he actually started challenging my wife's thinking and perceptions of reality.

[MaxedOut]

Really funny that the last session was the 1st one where he actually started challenging my wife's thinking and perceptions of reality.

I think I mentioned when you posted about that session that she'd likely not go back or maybe do one more session before refusing. The part she said on the therapist agreeing with her and the therapy not being useful is some storytelling. The therapist pushed back, that meant control slipping and potentially being held to account. So she cut it off. Totally typical for individual and couples therapy with PD folks.

And again she's framing everything in terms of what you need to do and how you've wronged her. You kiss her more and she will try and put your terrible actions behind her. What is her plan for addressing why you left, or your unmet needs? Did she even ask you  for input in "the plan"?