Nightmares after no contact

[mary_poppins]

Anybody here dealing with daily nightmares? I have constant dreams of my brothers and my parents trying to off me or hurt me physically or frighten me. I dream of guns, knives and spiders all these weapons used against me. I swear that this is the only type of dream I have (sometimes it's mild and it doesn't wake me up) and it's frustrating. How did you manage your nightmares? is this a normal part of going no contact/grieving/letting go of abusers?

[hhaw]

I found the chase nightmares calmed down after a while. I'd say it was months for the acute dreams to stop. Maybe more to do with moving farther away.....and ending actual contact with PDs.

As for daily hypervigilience.....that was a longer process, but happened.

There's tricks and methods to calm your Nervous System.....so many, they can't be listed.

Here's some I've used....
Walk backwards around trashcan.
Cross arms, and gently pat shoulders, one at a time, like soothing a baby.
Pay attention to sight, peripheral vision, colors, what you hear.
Notice all the space above you, below, to the sides, etc....all the way into space.
Breathe in pink cotton candy....slow and with purpose, to expand painful areas in chest, and create more space around it.
Walk on grass...slowly....
barefoot, like you're kissing the earth with your steps.
If I'm unable to perform any calming techniques....I push against a door jamb, with all my strength, while focusing on my breath, or....
I focus on one neutral feeling place in my body, and breathe into it for a while.

Training/tricking/sustaining your Nervous System, into calmer states, is about calming hijacked biochemistry, and engaging the Parasympathetic Nervous System ((PNS.) PNS is responsible for turning off fight or flight survival brain.

One can't think their way out....it must be managed, ime.

You might notice yourself humming.....which is something I've always done. I've been self soothing all my life, without realizing humming engages PNS, as does deep gargling, immersing face in ice water, and sucking on a lemon.

So many ways.  I hope you find some you trust, and ignore the rest.

[Sunflower79]

Hi, mary_poppins,

YES. I still have terrible nightmares which feel so real that after I wake up, it takes a long time to calm down.  Unfortunately, I still get them 10 years on.  I don't know if it's to do with going NC or having been so traumatized.  I have some luck with lucid dreaming techniques, but sometimes they are so overwhelming, they feel REAL, let alone attempting to take control.  Honestly, I've been thinking about going back to therapy to deal with this. 

Lol, sorry- I'm really guessing that this was not the hopeful answer you were looking for.

[Rebel13]

I have had a little bit of experience of this. I have heard other people say that it's something that happens once a person gets to a place where they feel safe, where they are away from the abusive situation, so that their brain finally has a chance to process the traumatic experiences. I remember once I had a terrifying dream about my dad and it repeated a few times. Then one time when it woke me up, I purposefully imagined it ending differently, specifically, that I stood up to him and kept him from hurting me. (Which I actually had done in real life.) I went back to sleep and I never had that dream again.

I hope it turns out to be a sign that you are healing.

[hhaw]

Such valuable information, Rebel.  When we're having a thought, it's like opening a file.....and every time it's open, it changes some.

Actively changing it, with intention, is called memory reconsolidation.  It's brilliant, based in science, and available to everyone.

[walking on broken glass]

It's been a problem for me too after I went NC. You can see my posts here and here and here https://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=95999.msg812881#msg812881.

As Rebel said, it's a stage your mind is going through when you have the space to process. I was recently back to my country of origin for a few days and I had nightmares every single night involving my family. I guess memories got triggered because of the geographical and emotional proximity.

You can google 'imagery rehearsal therapy' to get some ideas about how you can rescript your dreams to lessen their impact with time – what Rebel described she did with the ending of her dream.

I am really sorry you are dealing with this. I know how disturbing it is.

[1footouttadefog]

Retake your life with small enjoyable activities at first then expand.  These will help calm your nerves and give you new thoughts to think and new dreams to dream.  Get new social stimulation and be around safe people in safe circumstances.

I have a group of adults that I camp with.  Some men and some women.  We have each other's backs.  Some of each gender are concealed carry people and well trained in defense and such.  We camp all together in the same area and share a cooking and eating space and hang out over meals.  We hike or nature walk together and take a nap after lunch.  No arguing, no snarkiness or insults.  We just joke around some and talk serious some, and enjoy an adult beverage around a camp fire.

I sleep so well and relax so much on those events, then sleep well at home afterwards. 

Find your safe spaces and practice good sleep hygiene. There are many things to do to help.