I think I'm in the right area?

[Seeking]

hello,

If this is the wrong area I apologize.  Trying to make some sense of it all.  I'm divorced from someone that if she had been diagnosed would have fallen somewhere in severe cluster b territory based on the behaviors.  Been 3 years since it was final.  Life has gotten better in some ways and not so much in others.  I'm still dealing with health issues that can be attributed to the marriage. Hypertension which had been slowly getting better has recently gone all whacky.  And then earlier this year.. I find out that the former spouse died.  There was the BS of the court system to get the alimony ended and I was able to get a death certificate about 6 months ago.  No lie, when I got the physical copy of the former spouses death certificate .. It was such a relief.  Like I was finally free free of that person. It seems like I'm grieving something .. the time? the effort? the lost sleep? all of the aspects of it? 

I'm assuming that this is typical for someone where I'm at in the healing arc to go through?  Would that be a reasonable thing?  Or am I missing something?   

Thanks   

[hhaw]

You're likely grieving many things....who you thought you married, the life you tried to build, the marriage you wanted, but never had.

Plus, your brain was wired for the trauma, and it takes time to rewire it.

You likely were living in survival, fight or flight mode, and reacting to everything.

Learning to calm your Nervous System, learn to respond and be responsive, rather than reactive and be reactive....might take years, so be so very kind to yourself.

Learn to replace all judgement with curiosity.

Embrace radical acceptance.

Release outcome.....
and.....
maybe consider interviewing trauma informed therapists.  My preference is for ones with Buddhist leanings, who do their own work in therapy, but each to his own.

Welcome, and again....treat yourself with tsunamis of self compassion, Seeking.

[Seeking]

thank you for your reply hhaw

indeed is a mess of differing emotions.  I do try to be kind to myself. 

True, relearning how to be calm and centered rather than reactive is definitely something I have been working on. 

All the best to you