What is "Unchosen?"

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Aames

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What is "Unchosen?"
« on: October 12, 2007, 08:18:03 PM »
Unchosen is a term used to describe those of us who did not choose their relationship to a person with BPD. Some of us have parents with this disorder, others have a sibling, In-laws, or other familial relationships. We did not choose this relationship the same way a person chooses a relationship to a partner with BPD or a friend with BPD.

 For instance: someone who grew up with a personality disordered parent will have had a vastly different struggle than someone who had a relatively normal childhood, but ended up with a disordered partner. That doesn't mean the "Unchosen" person's pain is greater than the "Chosen" person's pain, but very often, the abuse and inappropriate behaviors modeled during his or her formative years will have deeply affected the Unchosen Non child's core sense of being (and well-being), and may have long-lasting impacts on trust, self-esteem and the ability to form or maintain healthy relationships in adulthood.

If the personality disordered individual is a child, the pain and disruption experienced by the entire family is not only confusing and sometimes frightening, but often tears at the very fabric of the family unit. It may leave adults in the family angry, frustrated and / or depressed, and Non-siblings feeling fearful or neglected as parents and grandparents focus on the disordered individual while they desperately seek workable solutions to the chaos.

This forum has been specially appointed for Unchosen Non's who wish to share their stories and explore / develop coping skills to deal with issues (past and present) stemming from their relationships with a personality disordered relative.
"Don't ever offer up facts for consideration where small minds and angry villagers are concerned. They don't like having their myths busted or their war-parties interrupted."