Any 'Born Again Christians' here? I hope!

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NeedingAnswers

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Any 'Born Again Christians' here? I hope!
« on: September 12, 2014, 02:52:13 PM »
Hey Everyone, I shared my story on the Share Your Story board and am wondering is anyone here is a Born Again Christian? I know there are lots of names for different religions and faiths but looking for others who have given their life to Jesus Christ and read, believe, live the Holy Bible.

I have shared my "story" on the 'share your story board' and part of the reply I got was to come to this board. Hoping to connect with others who have or are "walking in my shoes" so to speak.
*The longer life goes on, the more pain I endure the stronger I become.
*The more I have been hurt the more I've learned to love others and have compassion.
*Yes I get tired and sometimes even yell, yes I have bad days or even weeks but I Thank God He is always here with me, helping me.

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istherehope1

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Re: Any 'Born Again Christians' here? I hope!
« Reply #1 on: September 13, 2014, 04:21:16 PM »
I am a born again Christian and am glad to offer my encouragement, support, and opinion.  While finding those with similar beliefs is very beneficial, I would encourage you to also listen to people from different walks of life.  Those living with pd's go through similar situations, and I firmly believe that all true knowledge comes from God no matter the earthly spokesperson.  I'll try to find your introduction story.

Blessings to you.

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Hopelessly stuck

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Re: Any 'Born Again Christians' here? I hope!
« Reply #2 on: September 14, 2014, 04:07:15 PM »
I am!  :fireworks:
Controllers, abusers and manipulative people don’t question themselves. They don’t ask themselves if the problem is them. They always say the problem is someone else. Darlene Ouimet

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seekingvision

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Re: Any 'Born Again Christians' here? I hope!
« Reply #3 on: September 15, 2014, 07:30:46 AM »
I am a Christian.  It puts a great deal of pressure on the situation.  Additionally all of the pat answers become so annoying.  Pray, Pray be patient and all of that.  I am not disrespecting the Biblical principals, but it gets really tough. 

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Tiptoe

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Re: Any 'Born Again Christians' here? I hope!
« Reply #4 on: September 15, 2014, 12:29:58 PM »
Born again Christian here, Needinganswers. I'm doing more reading than posting, though, for the time being. I seem to be a little trigger-happy in these days. Anyway, welcome to the forum! So much to learn here, and so many voices of experience to learn from!

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NeedingAnswers

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Re: Any 'Born Again Christians' here? I hope!
« Reply #5 on: September 16, 2014, 11:06:15 AM »
Hey Tiptoe, seekingvision,Hopelessly stuck, istherehope1 and everyone else reading this and who may reply too,  I am not sure what is the best way to start this so please bare with me.

I have been very close in my relationship with God and my Lord. I don't feel as close now after all the things I have gone through and done in my marriage of about 3 years.  :(

I have been married to my uNPD/ASPDH for that amount of time and I feel completely drained of life. I didn't know ANYTHING about PD and what they are and I have just started to get some understanding of it from coming here the last few weeks.

My H has been treating me this way from day one of our marriage and it just gets worse. I came into this trusting God that He brought us together and that He wanted us to be married and to be married and honor my H for the rest of my life. I had no idea how bad it was going to get.

I have to say I started out not reacting with anger but hurt and sorrow but have allowed myself to be pulled into anger and reacting with it.  :( I am sooo wrong to react this way and sooo wrong to do it again. I repent and start new and after a time I get pulled back in again.  :( I use to react and get pulled in very frequently but now it had been almost 7 months and then it happened again yesterday  :(

When he was spewing his hate and threats to divorce me and take me and my special needs DD for everything he could possibly get and throw us out of "his house" I started reacting to it with the same nastiness he was dishing out. Telling him I would divorce him, took our rings off, that we would stay here as long as the courts would let us and that we would take everything we could. (I moved from another state and left my house, car and most of our belongings to drive here and marry him.) I was sooo angry and hurting to think he could threaten us again with throwing us out and divorcing me and taking everything he could. He even said he was going to try and take half my child support from my exH.  :unsure: :(  (We pay child support for his 2 youngest children.)

He has gone to work now and is in I hate you, I'm not speaking to you and I'm divorcing you mode right now. He has done this a few times in this marriage of only about 3 years and each time I don't know weather to believe him or not.  :unsure:  :( I hate the attacks, the instability, the threats and arguing, the anger and yes he tells everyone in his family that will listen to him mean and hateful things and then they hate me and add fuel to his already burning fire of rage.

God is the only one I have left in my life that I can talk with (my H has seen to that  :() and I am more lonely and hurt then ever. I know I have done wrong by my reactions and the sin that came with them and I have repented and got up today and started taking care of him (cooking his lunch, packing his cooler, getting his snacks and washed and packed for him to go to work, getting his breakfast, loading his car with all of it,..) and staying out of his way but I am sooo drained, sad, lonely and unsure of what he will do next. God please show me what You want me to do and help me to be the godly wife You want me to be and my H to be the godly H and step-dad you would have him be.

Can anyone understand what we are dealing with? Can anyone share with me, please? (Sorry I ran on sooo long.  :()
*The longer life goes on, the more pain I endure the stronger I become.
*The more I have been hurt the more I've learned to love others and have compassion.
*Yes I get tired and sometimes even yell, yes I have bad days or even weeks but I Thank God He is always here with me, helping me.

*

froggie

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Re: Any 'Born Again Christians' here? I hope!
« Reply #6 on: September 17, 2014, 10:14:42 PM »
Yep...

Married to the same gal over 25 years and just recently learned through diagnosis that she suffers from BPD/OCD/Dissociation. Not something that comes up in Sunday school class, and depending on the leanings of your particular denomination/sect, it's not something that is readily accepted.

This site has been a great resource for support, encouragement and wisdom. Before discovering and participating in it, almost daily I would dream of leaving, just slipping out into the dark of night. Heck once I even day dreamed of hopping aboard a passing train, abandoning my car, life, profession because the pain of returning home was just unbearable. Since joining and learning there's hope I haven't had those thoughts. Instead I have the tools and courage to look forward, to put first things first, to be there/present for the children, to not react to the insanity. I've discovered that it's okay to be me. I've lived in her world for so long I lost my sense of self and that brings no glory to God. Only now have I begun to be any real, viable help to my wife. It's confusing the "you know what" out of her but it's helping and my hope has been restored.

Good luck to you... sincerely, your brother in Christ.   

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NeedingAnswers

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Re: Any 'Born Again Christians' here? I hope!
« Reply #7 on: September 18, 2014, 01:37:48 PM »
Hey frogman my brother, Thank you for sharing with me and for the encouragement. I am learning a lot from the people here and the resources too. It is so uplifting to know others understand. I am learning there are many different PD that my H is dealing with and God is helping me to recognize what my H is dealing with and helping me to be able to understand and do what I need to for him as well as my DD and myself.

I had lost me in all that was going on with my H and really needed this info to help me find myself again so I can function and live the life God wants me to. I want my life to honor and glorify God and now I feel like I have hope again.  :)

I had gotten to the point of thinking on how to get out and would God accept me leaving. I know God would accept it now but I also know that my heart is to honor God and my vows to my H. I love them both and want so much to be the godly loving wife that only God can  help me be. He is helping me He has brought me to this sight and brought me back in contact with 3 godly christian women friends (all of them far away and I can only contact them on line and one by phone but God just brought them back into my life in the last 3 days and has given me hope again!) so I have prayer and information now to get back up and walk on with Him and my H. Thank You Father God!!!  :)

My H is speaking to me and loving on me again and is past the divorcing me part again so I am in a place of love. I am going to mow the lawn now and be a blessing to my H. Thanks everyone  :wave:
*The longer life goes on, the more pain I endure the stronger I become.
*The more I have been hurt the more I've learned to love others and have compassion.
*Yes I get tired and sometimes even yell, yes I have bad days or even weeks but I Thank God He is always here with me, helping me.

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NeedingAnswers

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Re: Any 'Born Again Christians' here? I hope!
« Reply #8 on: September 24, 2014, 11:50:40 AM »
My head is  :stars: spinning and my heart is hurting! I don't think I can stay any longer but wow am I having a hard time leaving. God I know will forgive me but will I forgive me. I can't continue on this hateful, threatening, mean spirited merry go round ride in this marriage any longer. I want off and out and I have a way but now uNPD/ASPDH is changing his mind yet again  :stars:

He hates me wants me out is divorcing me doesn't want anything to do with me and doesn't want me to have anything but will let me to get rid of me... a couple days go by and~ I don't want to lose you, lets work on this marriage, I do love you, I know we can't get along and probably won't change but don't want to end this marriage  :stars:
*The longer life goes on, the more pain I endure the stronger I become.
*The more I have been hurt the more I've learned to love others and have compassion.
*Yes I get tired and sometimes even yell, yes I have bad days or even weeks but I Thank God He is always here with me, helping me.

*

seekingvision

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Re: Any 'Born Again Christians' here? I hope!
« Reply #9 on: September 27, 2014, 06:35:13 PM »
Love his wife as Christ loves the church.  Christ died for the Church. 

Adultery is not the only vow.

If the unbeliever leaves the marriage the believer is free.  Judge them by their fruit not their words. 

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NeedingAnswers

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Re: Any 'Born Again Christians' here? I hope!
« Reply #10 on: October 01, 2014, 10:12:22 AM »
seekingvision, I have gone over and over those verses in my head and yes I came up with the same thing what does the fruit say and that he has not been a christian husband to me since we got married.  :no: :'(

It is time to get out while we still can. I know I have to and I know it will take me some time to heal and to think clearly without the manipulation of my uNPD/ASPDH. He put in the papers that he will divorce me a year after I leave so at least I can be preparing for it.

Nervous, very nervous about today and tomorrow... and the call I will get when he gets home tomorrow and finds me/us gone  :pissed:  :blowup:. Please Please Please pray for us :Idunno: :disappear:

Thank you!  :bighug:
*The longer life goes on, the more pain I endure the stronger I become.
*The more I have been hurt the more I've learned to love others and have compassion.
*Yes I get tired and sometimes even yell, yes I have bad days or even weeks but I Thank God He is always here with me, helping me.

*

flee

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Re: Any 'Born Again Christians' here? I hope!
« Reply #11 on: October 02, 2014, 06:13:40 PM »
Love his wife as Christ loves the church.  Christ died for the Church. 

Adultery is not the only vow.

If the unbeliever leaves the marriage the believer is free.  Judge them by their fruit not their words.

Ok, Christ-follower and believer here, wanting to just throw that out there so people know and aren't afraid to talk about faith matters with me in other forum areas.

NeedingAnswers, what you're dealing with is big, and while deeply personal and having great Christian friends you trust around who can speak into it, I'm wondering that you haven't mentioned your church and the involvement of pastors/elders in this? 

If your husband claims Christ as Lord (fruit aside) and you are both involved in fellowship at a local church, one of the tremendous gifts of the body of Christ are elders equipped to shepherd and give wise counsel in this situation.  Your husband is then accountable to elders for his abusive behavior, and you should approach them with the situation so that Jesus' instruction in Matthew 18 about dealing with sin can be implemented:

"15 If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.”

Jesus instructs us to treat each person as a wayward brother before treating them as an unbeliever, giving them many opportunities to repent and acknowledge their sin.  Discipline in the church is not to cast out but to bring about repentance.

In light of that, if your husband pursues divorce, may the Lord lead you in how you handle that. But I think that Jesus gives us crystal clear instructions on how to handle a situation like this - and ALL of it covered in God's grace. Our pain and frustration and anger can sometimes cloud us spiritually so that we miss the good instruction we've received in God's word!

NeedingAnswers, if you aren't invoved in a local Christian body, I'd encourage you sister to sister to connect with one soon so that you PERSONALLY have people around you who can love you, counsel you, hurt wth you and help you find God-honoring answers in this challenging season. So much love to you, dear.
"Those who do not move do not notice their chains."  - Rosa Luxemburg

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YesmarriedtoNPD

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Re: Any 'Born Again Christians' here? I hope!
« Reply #12 on: October 02, 2014, 06:42:05 PM »
Yes, I am a Christian as well and I am un-equally yoked.  I guess I would like some thoughts on what people think about NPD's and faith.  I have come to the conclusion that my uNPDh is unable to enjoy a relationship with Jesus because as he has stated "if he were real, he would come down and show himself" BTW the ultimate narc response.  So how would a narc be able to be a Christian when at their core they believe that they are all knowing and above all.  Just wondering what anyone has to say as far as their experience with this.  For my faith, I know that the Lord works on me daily as I stay in this journey with my husband.  I see blessings along the way and I know that there is a purpose in here somewhere.

Also, as far as seeking counsel from elders and pastors, unless they understand the complexities of a personality disorder and counseling offered would be totally unwelcomed by a PD individual and could cause further turmoil.  Biblically, I know that is the plan but again how does this look in the life of a PD relationship.  For me, this has made my faith so much stronger.  There is no way at all I could stay in this marriage if God had not spoken very clearly to me many years ago "not yet" when I was praying for a way to leave (before I realized that NPD was the problem) so I wait on God and what He plans on teaching me.

Cause I'm not who I was when I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You’re not through with me yet.
So if all of these trials that bring me closer to You
Then I will go through the fire if you want me to-Ginny Owens "If you want me to"

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froggie

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Re: Any 'Born Again Christians' here? I hope!
« Reply #13 on: October 02, 2014, 08:31:01 PM »
Yes, I am a Christian as well and I am un-equally yoked.  I guess I would like some thoughts on what people think about NPD's and faith.  I have come to the conclusion that my uNPDh is unable to enjoy a relationship with Jesus because as he has stated "if he were real, he would come down and show himself" BTW the ultimate narc response.  So how would a narc be able to be a Christian when at their core they believe that they are all knowing and above all.  Just wondering what anyone has to say as far as their experience with this.  For my faith, I know that the Lord works on me daily as I stay in this journey with my husband.  I see blessings along the way and I know that there is a purpose in here somewhere.

Also, as far as seeking counsel from elders and pastors, unless they understand the complexities of a personality disorder and counseling offered would be totally unwelcomed by a PD individual and could cause further turmoil.  Biblically, I know that is the plan but again how does this look in the life of a PD relationship.  For me, this has made my faith so much stronger.  There is no way at all I could stay in this marriage if God had not spoken very clearly to me many years ago "not yet" when I was praying for a way to leave (before I realized that NPD was the problem) so I wait on God and what He plans on teaching me.

No answers here but simply perspective from someone who has walked (kind of) in your shoes for over 25 years who only recently realized he wasn't crazy. My wife was formerly diagnosed with BPD/OCD/Dissociation/Avoidance and recurrent depression all within the clinical range about a year ago and has been in counseling since that time but refuses to accept her doctors evaluation or certain therapies that have proven to be successful. I've learned that quite often NPD accompanies BPD and in her case I would have to say that's mildly true. I'm trying very hard to stay and at this point have no intention of leaving even though my family feels I should consider this in order to protect the children.

We met in church and have been faithful all throughout our marriage. We've served as deacons, teachers, ministers of children and currently are pew sitters. Her disorders have forced her to construct a view of herself to the outside world as a model church and civic citizen and anything that disrupts that (children acting up, etc) is met with violent shaming language and threats of leaving. Her Christianity is difficult for me to define in biblical terms because she doesn't exhibit any of the true outward signs of someone who has a saving relationship with Jesus, except for the time we spend at church or other public civic activities. I have spoken with my pastor about her condition and he has been very accepting and understanding but offered no counseling. 

So your question; Can they he/she be a Christian? While I don't think anything is outside of the grasp of God's power to change, I do believe the object of that change has to be willing. They have to realize the need for Christ and therefore humble enough to accept what He offers. In the case of an NPD or BPD the acceptance of their own weakness is an extraordinary threat the their construct and ultimately would dismantle everything the base their value and self worth on so (in my opinion) it would be very difficult for them to ever actually have a saving, vital relationship with Jesus.

On a side note. I am encouraged by your durable faith, how you can see the hand of God "in" your circumstance, how you confess to have grown as a result of this difficult circumstance. Once when my wife was in one of her more violent rages she was unable to get the adequate rise out of me so she began to impugn my family, going back generations saying how they were all weak and worthless and she capped it all off by saying; "The only reason you are anything today is because of me!!!" Well in a way she was right. I am the man I am today because God has helped me navigate this, he has helped me endure the craziness and "in" this circumstance I have come to know a God who is there, a God who cares, a God who comforts, consoles and empowers, a God who has never let go my hand, a God who has enabled me to love the unlovable, and for that I am grateful.

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flee

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Re: Any 'Born Again Christians' here? I hope!
« Reply #14 on: October 02, 2014, 11:55:27 PM »
So your question; Can they he/she be a Christian? While I don't think anything is outside of the grasp of God's power to change, I do believe the object of that change has to be willing. They have to realize the need for Christ and therefore humble enough to accept what He offers. In the case of an NPD or BPD the acceptance of their own weakness is an extraordinary threat the their construct and ultimately would dismantle everything the base their value and self worth on so (in my opinion) it would be very difficult for them to ever actually have a saving, vital relationship with Jesus.


A thousand times this. I actually reached THIS conclusion about my uNPDm - that the very nature of the PD individual, particularly those in the N/B/ASPD category, is contrary to what must be desired to have a relationship with Christ - only a couple weeks before I discovered she was NPD.

While Scripture doesn't speak to it, I'm pretty firmly convicted that these individuals are those God has given over. Their will, their malfunctioning desires, their rule is the be-all, end-all of existence. Now, can God draw that person, change their desires and save them by grace? ABSOLUTELY. I do not agree that someone will only ever be PD for the rest of their life. That completely contradicts what God has the power to work in a person. The same power that raised Christ from the dead is what rests in us!

If y'all haven't read C.S. Lewis' The Great Divorce, it helped me to peacefully accept that nothing in my mother's very nature or essence WANTED the things of God and His Kingdom, that even to want those things is a gift of grace.  It helped me receive her NPD fully and make a decision to let go. 

I can't speak as confidently to those who claim faith and yet still carry on as NPD, but those I have seen (my best friend's MIL) live a double life. They hold leadership positions and serve and speak the lingo and their families are in shambles behind closed doors.
"Those who do not move do not notice their chains."  - Rosa Luxemburg

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Breakthrough

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Re: Any 'Born Again Christians' here? I hope!
« Reply #15 on: October 03, 2014, 01:58:38 AM »
Me too, it's a tough one bc the PD in my life is NPD MIL who is also a Christian.  It's hard not to feel like I need to be more respectful of her wishes, but seeing as how her behaviour is so pathologic, as much as I find peace in reading my bible, I find more practical answers for how to successfully deal with a relative with PD on this forum.

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NeedingAnswers

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Re: Any 'Born Again Christians' here? I hope!
« Reply #16 on: October 10, 2014, 05:19:22 PM »
I have to say I have gone through a whirl wind in this marriage and I didn't know anything about PD before the last few months but wow have I gotten a crash course on it.

I left my H last week, who is suffering with NPD/ASPD and may be more. I had lost hope in our marriage, I had lost hope of healing, I had lost hope....

I came back the beginning of this week because GOD IS STILL ON THE THRONE and He joined us and made us 1. I know this isn't an easy road but God didn't say it would be! He said what He joined is not to be separated! He said to love my husband and that includes in the good times and the bad, the happy and the sad and that doesn't mean to just muddle through! Love him so I'm learning what these PD are and learning what things trigger my H.

I KNOW my H LOVES the Lord and would do whatever he truly believes the Lord wants him to as best as he can. He is suffering with this not choosing this. He knows that something isn't right but he is in this state, this overwhelmed state of mind and body and doesn't know how to stop it at the time. He asks even begs at times please please when you know I'm getting upset Please stop the conversation, leave the room, leave the house if you have to to not continue the conversation. It isn't something he is choosing it is something he is truly suffering with.

When you are sick with something you can't always do things the same as someone else. Jesus didn't say forgive him when he sins against me once or twice or ten times but seventy times seven in a day or ALWAYS forgive and that doesn't mean if he comes to me and says I messed up again please forgive me or I can't believe I hurt you again I'm so sorry.... It means FORGIVE him EVERY time and it doesn't say to wait until they are good and sorry or even wait for them to ask it says forgive him.

I can feel the dross being burned off :D
*The longer life goes on, the more pain I endure the stronger I become.
*The more I have been hurt the more I've learned to love others and have compassion.
*Yes I get tired and sometimes even yell, yes I have bad days or even weeks but I Thank God He is always here with me, helping me.

*

Rainstorm

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Re: Any 'Born Again Christians' here? I hope!
« Reply #17 on: October 20, 2014, 01:33:55 PM »
I'm a Christian and so very grateful that I have Jesus in my life.

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tommom

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Re: Any 'Born Again Christians' here? I hope!
« Reply #18 on: October 21, 2014, 12:20:44 AM »
I am also a Christian and have been married for 40 years to a Christian husband who is unBPD/NPD. He truly struggles with his problems, however, I am learning there are ways to help. If a BP is honest with him or herself, they know what they are doing. I only came “Out of the FOG” as they say a year or so ago and since then I have gone through a period of grief but am coming to understand ways to take care of me as well as challenge some of H’s crazy-making behaviors. Just yesterday someone on this site mentioned the possibility that sleep might help to “reset” those rages, etc. and I noticed that very thing happening today. Perhaps that is something useful for us to know. I (just like many of us) am just trying to get along the best we can.


"It is not my job to fix other people; everyone is on their own journey."

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bluejeans63

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Re: Any 'Born Again Christians' here? I hope!
« Reply #19 on: October 24, 2014, 10:22:19 AM »
Hello. I am trusting Jesus as my Lord and savior. But I ,like so many here also find myself reacting to my W's suspected NP, as many others I find no accepting of her being responsible for any of her behavior, and that I am the problem. I am working now on praying when she has a tirade and to not challenge anything she says, I just listen. But sometimes I don't do so well. I feel attacked and I can feel my adrenalin rising  until I just want to get away from her, to leave the house. I, at times, seem not in a "FOG" and I should learn, another tirade is probably due.  Sometimes I see I react in kind, which I ask God to forgive me and I trust the future will take care of it's self. I also see satin messing with us and I find myself praying that God will cause satin to flee our place.
Sometimes too, i wonder if all the love is gone, and I pray that God will help me love her as my vow states , "until death doth us part".