Lots of great responses and hopefully the OPoster, Bayview, is reading them, although I see Bayview has not commented since the OP. Like others, I will chime in the details that I have 2 kids in their 20’s, and I have been married to my uBPDw (their mom) for over 25years and both my kids are doing very well and are nons.
I have only been aware of the existence of PD’s for the last couple years, but by grace, I have been using the ‘tools’ here on OOTF throughout their entire upbringing, without knowing, because those actions, reactions were the only way to minimize, protect, shield and thwart the PD’s drama toward me and/or them.
Sure, my kids witnessed the drama sometimes, but their very close relationship with me, and their own growing toolbox, from my instruction to them over the years (without a diagnosis name for it) has helped them continue to have a great relationship with their mom.
If PD issues had escalated to areas of physical harm or intense emotional harm attempts, I would have walked away, with my kids, but it did not escalated to that point, thank God.
Cheers,
SoT