Any Catholics?

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TLF

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Re: Any Catholics?
« Reply #20 on: January 09, 2015, 02:04:31 AM »
Older wiser, just  curious. What do you mean by you can find someone to be with but not  be married?

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MaryGrace

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Re: Any Catholics?
« Reply #21 on: January 09, 2015, 04:58:56 AM »
You can find someone to be with without a marriage.  I feel great love in the church and the Latin mass.  I know you are welcome
She could do this but not within the confines of church teaching. If she and her husband split she can still participate in communion as long as she doesn't enter into another relationship. If the marriage is declared null by a marriage tribunal she will be free to enter into another relationship.
My mom has paranoid pd. My dad is in my corner and never sides with her even though they are still married. Dad & I have a great relationship -please realize that. Thank you. :)

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TLF

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Re: Any Catholics?
« Reply #22 on: January 09, 2015, 02:12:53 PM »
That's what I thought,  Mary grace. Thank you.

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OpenHeart

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Re: Any Catholics?
« Reply #23 on: January 09, 2015, 03:32:22 PM »
You can find someone to be with without a marriage.  I feel great love in the church and the Latin mass.  I know you are welcome
She could do this but not within the confines of church teaching. If she and her husband split she can still participate in communion as long as she doesn't enter into another relationship. If the marriage is declared null by a marriage tribunal she will be free to enter into another relationship.

I think specifically it refers to a sexual relationship???
I'm always disappointed when a liar's pants don't actually catch on fire.

WITCH - Woman In Total Control of Herself
BITCH - BABE In Total Control of Herself

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TLF

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Re: Any Catholics?
« Reply #24 on: January 09, 2015, 10:53:55 PM »
Yes. I think you cannot enter into a sexual relationship unless you have an annulment.

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MaryGrace

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Re: Any Catholics?
« Reply #25 on: January 12, 2015, 01:36:31 AM »
Until a marriage is declared null (was not valid at the time the vows were said) you are considered married even if civilly divorced. So any relationship until a declaration of nullity is granted would have to be platonic.
My mom has paranoid pd. My dad is in my corner and never sides with her even though they are still married. Dad & I have a great relationship -please realize that. Thank you. :)

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OlderWiser

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Re: Any Catholics?
« Reply #26 on: January 20, 2015, 08:47:05 PM »
What I meant was not adultery.  A man and a woman can enjoy each others company.  They can share things.   Be friends - have dinner - go on trips to the beach or mountains.

That is what I meant.

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TLF

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Re: Any Catholics?
« Reply #27 on: January 28, 2015, 03:50:04 AM »
Thank you all for the responses. This still weighs very heavy on me. I want to do God's Will.  Not my own. I pray for discernment.  For answers.

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BigRutt

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Re: Any Catholics?
« Reply #28 on: March 01, 2015, 12:46:14 AM »
Last May I left my uPD husband and filed for a divorce.  My priest said God does not expect us to be in a relationship where we are abused.  He said my husband had abandoned his spousal duty to me when he abused me and he was not living according to Gods word.  God expects husbands to love their wives not abuse them. My church holds regular meetings on the annulment process and is supportive of those who divorce because of abusive relationships.

Before the divorce was final I returned to my husband.  It's a very long story but I'll shorten it.  I am on meds. I see a psychiatrist,who is also my counselor.  Our daughter is on meds, she sees a psychiatrist and a counselor.  Our son is a heroin addict and he is in treatment, sees a psychiatrist and a counselor. When I left the only one in the house who was not on meds and not in counseling was my husband. I left with our minor daughter because of his domestic violence towards all of us.  Our adult son stayed with my uPD husband. 

When I left I told my husband, after he pleaded with my do drop the divorce and threatened to commit suicide, and promised the sun the moon and the stars if I would return etc., that the only way I would drop the divorce and return was if he met all of these conditions: 1) go to counseling for the rest of his life 2) see a psychiatrist and get on meds 3) go to regular marriage counseling with me with a counselor different from his own counselor and remain in counseling the rest of our marriage 4) go to family counseling win me and the kids once per month 5) attend church every Sunday with me for the remainder of our marriage.  He resisted for months before he started out to accomplish all these tasks.  I never thought he would do these things that's why I said I would go back.  But he did them and in 5 months I had dropped the divorce and moved back home with our daughter.  Things are better.  Not perfect. But not as bad as they were.

I'm not happy.  I wish I would have stayed gone and followed through with the divorce.  I was so happy when we were not together.  His official diagnosis is anxiety.  LOL sarcastically. 

I have rationalized it like this:  I promised before my creator for better or worse, in sickness and in health, for rich or for poor until death.  My marriage has been WORSE, SICK, AND POOR for a majority of the 30 years we have been together.  I signed up for it.  Just because it feels terrible doesn't mean I get to bail.  I signed at the dotted line ..... Until death.    My GOD died for me...  Does He not deserve the same from me?

Pray the following novena: Mary Undoer of Knots
 

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TLF

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Re: Any Catholics?
« Reply #29 on: March 05, 2015, 02:44:34 AM »
Oh, BigRutt, this runs through my mind all the time.

But would a merciful God not understand that I was a mere 21 year old married a covert sex addict with mother enmeshment/golden child narcissistic tendencies that I could not possibly realize at the time.  All I saw were stars in my eyes.  I was dumb and young and nave and stupid.

But I stuck it out - so much garbage - for 30 some years.  The kids are grown.

Would God HATE me if I just took these last 30 or so years and had the tiniest bit of happiness here on Earth?  Or would I be damned to Hell to not sticking it out.

Really, would He not have mercy on me?  I've done so much for everyone - spouse, kids, family.  I'm just TIRED.  I want to be the least bit selfish.  Just for once.

Please God.  Release me of this.  Just give me permission.  That's all I'm looking for.

But if I don't get it, I'll throw myself on the sword and stick through it till the end.  Ughh ...

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MaryGrace

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Re: Any Catholics?
« Reply #30 on: March 06, 2015, 07:12:07 PM »
God's will is always to bring us to what is best for our soul. I can not believe being abused is good for our soul. I can not believe giving someone more opportunities to sin (by being an object of their abuse) is good for their soul either. Do either of you have opportunities to go to regular adoration?  Adoration can be a great help in discernment. We can not choose a false martyrdom out of fear or guilt -this is not pleasing to God. God is not punitive, He is mercy and love. Even if the marriage turns out to valid living a single chaste life (which would not be sinful) does far more for our holiness than enduring endless abuse. And allowing abuse does nothing for their holiness or ours, of that I am sure. And God does not hate his creatures. He hates sin but he does not ever hate us.
My mom has paranoid pd. My dad is in my corner and never sides with her even though they are still married. Dad & I have a great relationship -please realize that. Thank you. :)

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Joan

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Re: Any Catholics?
« Reply #31 on: April 10, 2015, 01:26:17 AM »
Another Catholic here (Roman Catholic). I agree with Mary Grace. Also, if the Church has anullment and you have the conditions necessary, why not? I dont know all the conditions you need to fullfill to get the anullment, but as somebody said, it means the marriage was never valid cause it was "defective" from day one. Im not expressing myself properly, English is not my first language, but I hope you know what I mean.

I believe most people married or in a relationship with a PD entered it without knowing what was going on. There was a "mistake of person", or whatever the expression is, meaning that we thought we were with somebody but it was somebody else. Thats the definition of a covert N, for example (my case, I was in a relationship with a covert N). Im NC for 5 months and Im still putting the pieces into place, the person I thought he was never existed.

God help us all.


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TLF

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Re: Any Catholics?
« Reply #32 on: April 10, 2015, 11:14:17 PM »
Mary Grace, I like your post.  It's alleviating the guilt, somewhat.  As I think in the next few weeks I will be "pulling the trigger," as they say, at least by telling our (adult) children that this 33 year old marriage is over.

That's the scariest part for me.

As for adoration, our church has First Fridays so I always sign up for one hour.  It is sooooo emotional.  I come out crying.  A lot. Begging God's permission for this.  His forgiveness.  His Mercy on me for what I am about to do.