My heart is heavy today, guys. Just some backstory - my uNPDh blew up at me yesterday in front of our son. I'd asked him about his portion of the rent and he initially stated he didn't want to talk about it and I will own up to not dropping it initially. I asked him when he wanted to discuss it but he insisted he didn't want to speak about it. So, I let it go. A few minutes later, he started back in...yelled, cursed, called me a fool, a piece of a wife, that I was being disrespectful and he had been passive too long, etc.
Last night, he wanted us to speak with another a married couple that we're friends with. We all used to attend the same church and now the wife's ministry is building and rebuilding marriages/families/etc. He had been talking with them on his own for the past few weeks and it showed. (I already knew what he was up to because everytime I said something he disagreed with, he would text them...almost comical, like he was running to go tell Teacher that I was being a big meanie.) They wanted me to know that I also need to make adjustments to place his needs first and when we got around to discussing money, I let them know about his behaviors and that he seeks to do what he wants, often leading me holding the bag for the bills, even when he knows that my income alone does not support us. We all agreed that at the end of the day, our child needs a home and when she asked if I felt that my h would put my son in a predicament where he would NOT have a home, I admitted that I wasn't sure. All I know is his behavior, that his words don't match his action, and he has frequently blown his money, dipped into our joint account and come to me saying he doesn't have any more money to pay XX bill. They have known him longer than they have known me and said by my saying that, that I have insulted everything he stands for, which is his family. Not once was he told that he needs to accept responsibility for his issues, it was all about how I have made him feel. They only said they don't condone his behavior and that he could have made a different choice about his blowup at me.
The entire conversation left me feeling like I'd been pulled into another manipulation tactic, to be honest. This time, he used his friends to do it. My prayer before going to bed was that Lord search my heart and reveal any wrong doing on my part and for Him to show me the truth about my husband and about this situation.
This morning, he emails me two commentaries (and includes the wife that we spoke with) on Proverbs 14:1. He also asks me to pull up the scripture and read it aloud.
Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.
What's so disheartening is that when screaming and yelling at me didn't work, using his friends didn't work, he turned to using the Bible as a source of manipulation. This man (again) has attempted to shame me using God's Word.
Everything is a means of manipulation and control for him...he has misused his friend's ministry, which is quite effective if both parties are truly willing to work on their issues. But, when you have one person who is consistently self-seeking, self-referenced,and is right in his own eyes, it's going to be twisted around. She kept saying that we're not on the same page This couple does not truly understand the depth of what's happening in our marriage, because my husband only presents his reality.
I have a Bible app on my phone and the daily verse is one of the first things I look at in the morning. It usually goes right to that daily verse section, but this morning it went into the Bible itself and right to 1 John 4 -- "Discerning False Prophets" was the header.
