religion makes siblings tolerate/enable npd mom

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arianna

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religion makes siblings tolerate/enable npd mom
« on: March 11, 2015, 10:47:34 PM »
My siblings have always said God tells us to honor and obey our parents no matter what and to me it seems plain wrong.  Mom will throw a tantrum and demand things.    She will threaten and manipulate any way she feels will work.  Everyone says we should just go with it because that's just how she is and she's our mom but I think that's seriously disrespectful.  Doesn't she have any value to them?  Can't they see that somewhere underneath the narcissism and ego driven tantrums there is a human spirit with accountability towards others? 

Once I said something to my daughter, in her 20s, that was sarcastic and meant to be funny but was actually borderline impolite.  She IMMEDIATELY said "mom rewind and say something different; that was inappropriate".  It made me feel like she had some faith in me as a human being and respect for herself as well.   I suppose if one sets limits and the other person doesn't respond and continues to be abusive, you can just give up, but shouldn't we at least try? And if they never change, shouldn't we just walk away, instead of tolerating abuse? 

Yes, she's my mother, but she's also mean.  My brother once said that he believed some people are evil. I'm not saying I see the world this way because I don't share his religious views, but if we took that view, wouldn't we recognize that those evil people sometimes have children, and shouldn't those children NOT honor and obey their parents? 

My point is that the religious beliefs in my family have tolerated and perpetuated an atmosphere where personality disorders of all types can flourish. 


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142757

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Re: religion makes siblings tolerate/enable npd mom
« Reply #1 on: March 12, 2015, 01:09:39 PM »
I'm not sure in what ways your mom dominates the family.

The Bible does say honor your father and mother.
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(Ephesians 6:1-3) . . .Children, be obedient to your parents in union with the Lord, for this is righteous.  “Honor your father and your mother” is the first command with a promise:  “That it may go well with you and you may remain a long time on the earth.”

It also says.........
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(Ephesians 6:4) . . .And fathers, do not be irritating your children, but go on bringing them up in the discipline and admonition of Jehovah.
So its a two way street. While children are expected to obey, it does not give the parents free rein to talk to them in any fashion they please. Keep in mind though, the time & extent of such obedience is limited.............
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(Acts 5:29) . . . In answer Peter and the other apostles said: “We must obey God as ruler rather than men.
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(Matthew 19:5) . . .‘For this reason a man will leave his father and his mother and will stick to his wife, and the two will be one flesh’

So no one is obligated to obey their parents if they are asked to do something contrary to the will of God. Nor are they still under obligation if they have reached adulthood & left the nest. Out of respect, an adult child may continue to do his parents wishes if there is no harm to come from it. But such respect does not require an adult child to unconditionally be at their parent's beck & call, especially when that parent is harsh, overly demanding, & cruel.

But it is up to each adult on their own to make the choice of how much they will put up with .
« Last Edit: March 12, 2015, 01:46:32 PM by 142757 »
"Somedays you just can't get rid of a bomb."

Adam West (Batman)
9/19/28 - 6/10/17

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Rainstorm

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Re: religion makes siblings tolerate/enable npd mom
« Reply #2 on: March 13, 2015, 03:55:27 PM »
Someone shared a link to a book that addresses this very topic. I will post a link if I can find it again.

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bruisermel

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Re: religion makes siblings tolerate/enable npd mom
« Reply #3 on: March 18, 2015, 12:01:42 AM »
My PDdad has tried to use religion to guilt us into wiping his "slate clean" so he doesn't have to face any repercussions for his toxic behavior.  It's pretty angering.

I don't ascribe to any religious beliefs so I'm probably not the best to comment on the bible's or other religious book passages :)