First time Facebook

Started by sunshine702, March 25, 2024, 04:34:21 PM

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sunshine702

Ok so I would like some thoughts on the Opposite of No Contact.

I am thinking of putting up a Facebook page In my name with some of my new life for the first time ever.  I left a vindictive Narc ex right as Facebook was getting going so I just never joined for safety and thus never got hooked.  I was a very private person then

But all these years later I am thinking of putting up a public profile with some of my pretty life in my new town.

And I am thinking of messaging two people there very lightly. My nephew that my Narc mom cast aside - he is about to graduate high school and doing good in Wresting I see.  It would be a finger to my Narc mom who triangulates and tries to decide who is in and out.  WHO ai can speak to and who I can't.

I would also like to say hi to a childhood friend who has moved back to hometown and is working in real estate finance I see.  The last we spoke was at her wedding.  No ill feelings at all  or my fam troubles. Just life happened ya know.

What should I be careful of? Should I do it? I don't want to be a flying monkey but I also don't want to just not talk to someone because of my ridiculous Narc mom.

Advice? 

Starboard Song

I say go for it, but only on your own terms, and not for any purpose to do with a PD person. It needs to be 100% for purposes to do with good, healthy people with whom you want to share.

I'd encourage you to take advantage of setting options. Facebook allows you to set defaults of who can see posts. It goes something like this.

  • Only selected people
  • Only friends
  • Friends and friends of friends
  • Everybody

There are also controls, I believe, on who can comment and stuff like that.

You can also block selected individuals. When you block someone, it is as if you don't exist to each other. Neither of you will show up on each other's searches or feeds, and your comments will be gone to each other. I'd encourage you to block your mom, consistent with your NC decision.

Privacy settings are adjustable: you can select to share individual posts more publicly if you like. But blocks are a 100% eclipse.

Facebook, when settings are chosen wisely, is a private communications board. You deserve to enjoy using it to share the good things in life, and to have contact with people you love. If you do so wisely, there is no reason why this needs to backfire.
Radical Acceptance, by Brach   |   Self-Compassion, by Neff    |   Mindfulness, by Williams   |   The Book of Joy, by the Dalai Lama and Tutu
Healing From Family Rifts, by Sichel   |  Stop Walking on Egshells, by Mason    |    Emotional Blackmail, by Susan Forward