How do you deal when they ask everyone about your life?

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Mapleleaf14

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How do you deal when they ask everyone about your life?
« on: August 08, 2015, 06:36:48 PM »
So just a quick update!  I left the office about 4 weeks ago, took a week off then started a new job.  I have been completely NC with my bpd/narc aunt and uncle since I left the office.  I cannot even begin to describe how much my life has improved in just 4 short weeks!  My IBS is just about gone, my anxiety has decreased 10 fold and I no longer really care what they think of me or what they are saying to other people about me.

But multiple people have told me that she is still asking about me... "how is mapleleaf?" trying to get information from each of them.  I posted on here about how she told one of those people that I was getting divorced and moving out of state in hopes of having them correct her and give her the information that she was seeking, which was if I ever found another job (I had a new job the whole time, just didn't tell them - thanks to the wisdom on this board), and where it is so that she can smear me.  Luckily, everyone has given her false info so far, but how do I deal with the anxiety that someone might slip up and tell her where I've really gone?  There is still a part of me that feels so violated by her asking everyone/manipulating people into telling her about my life when she has been cut out for a reason.

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Bloomie

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Re: How do you deal when they ask everyone about your life?
« Reply #1 on: August 08, 2015, 07:25:03 PM »
Mapleleaf14 - I am so happy to hear things are better and you are feeling the relief of having moved on from such a toxic work/family environment.  :applause: Great news! You are right it can be pretty disconcerting to have someone so invasive and underhanded fixated on our lives. It makes sense to me that it would rock your peaceful boat a bit. I'm sorry this is happening and so thankful everyone has been so careful in responding to her to date. It is a violation and frustrating.

I would imagine time and distance will help with a sense of safety and decrease the anxiety. You were put through a lot and it makes perfect sense to me that you would feel this unease when you hear she has been snooping around again. I wonder... is it better to know when she asks about you, or would it be better not to know? Which would bring you the most peace?
"You can understand and have compassion for someone and still not want a relationship with them."
Amanda E. White, LPC @therapyforwomen

Bloomie 🌸

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Mapleleaf14

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Re: How do you deal when they ask everyone about your life?
« Reply #2 on: August 09, 2015, 08:37:05 PM »
Bloomer - you are right. It would cause me far less anxiety if I didn't know about the day to day gossip. Only the big things matter. So I am considering asking everyone not to tell me what she is doing unless I really need to know. And secondly, I am trying to remember what my T says - what is the worst that she could do with the information?  She could call and smear me but fortunately, the person that she asked got my workplace mixed up with another and inadvertently told her the wrong company. So I can rest easy about that. But the biggest challenge for me and the main reason that I stay NC with them is that I have a hard time controlling my reaction. Working on it day by day. The more I am around them, the more badly I react and that's why I stay away.