one sibling left, and it's not working out

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arianna

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one sibling left, and it's not working out
« on: August 08, 2015, 05:50:44 PM »
there's six of us and i managed to keep an ok relationship with one sister. but now it seems like she doesn't really think much of me.  i sometimes wish i arbitrarily cut ties with everyone because my parents started a large clan of crazy and no one is immune.  you can try to find one family member that seems ok just because you really want family, but the poison reaches everyone.  i would say, we would all be better off if we all cut ties with each other. then maybe we can regroup in 20 years and see how it went.

we do ok if we don't talk about our parents or our childhood. but when I talk about that she does a lot of "i don't know about that" or "um ooookayyyy" the way you might respond if someone says you believe that aliens are on the way. 

i don't know why this bothers me. lately i post a lot because every hour i'm agitated about something. 

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GarbageChild

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Re: one sibling left, and it's not working out
« Reply #1 on: August 08, 2015, 10:28:11 PM »
We're always weighing, in our minds, the pain of NC vs. the pain of continued contact.  What we think things should be, vs. what they unfortunately are.

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rosie

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Re: one sibling left, and it's not working out
« Reply #2 on: August 09, 2015, 07:59:07 AM »
It hurts when relationships break up, no matter what they are. I've been through so many in the past few years, I get tired just thinking about it.

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movingforward2

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Re: one sibling left, and it's not working out
« Reply #3 on: August 14, 2015, 11:11:05 AM »
It sounds invalidating to be talking about something like that and to get those types of responses.  I wonder if it is best that you don't bring up childhood stuff as you don't seem to agree on what happened and your sibling has the right to believe what she wants to even if it's not true.

My MIL is npd/bpd.  My H and his brother don't have the best r/s and my H has learned that he simply can't talk about his mom or childhood with his brother.  His brother is the GC and the way he perceives things is very different from how they actually happened.  Essentially, he's brainwashed.  Seems to be a common thing in families with pd parents.

My sister and I had a huge fight.  I tried to talk to my mom about it but my mom said she doesn't want to talk about it or take sides.  In many ways it infuriates me because my mom is such an enabler to my sister.  But, if I want a r/s with my mom then I need to respect that she doesn't want to talk about my sister.  She actually said, "Ummmm....okay...." to me yesterday and it really upset me.  My sister cancels on watching my dogs less than 24 hours before I am leaving for a quick 2 day vacation and I'm the bad guy?  Nope. 

I guess you have to decide what is more important, having a r/s with your sibling and respecting their boundaries, even if you disagree with them,  or not having a r/s with them.