Digest: My Story

  • 2 Replies
  • 1669 Views
*

Sysiphus

  • New Member
  • *
  • 7
Digest: My Story
« on: August 11, 2015, 01:09:03 PM »
My uBNPD wife dropped on me a bit less than a month ago that we needed to separate.  Her daughter, my SD is 13 and been around me since a baby.  She has some issues, I'm afraid she is PD as well.  She was in an intensive program for about 4 weeks.  My uBNPDw during this time and a few weeks before had begun a new obsession with roller skating and now had a group of best, close, wonderful friends...until they discover the monster I suppose.  She really has no friends otherwise and sees family a couple times a year.  Well, this wasn't my first rodeo so when uBNPDw told me how the D's issues are all because of me and she is forced to separate I was a bit skeptical.  Right, turns out even D called her out as a "liar" and "everything her fault" as it shakes out she has developed a fantasy affair with a currently not drinking alcoholic guy at the roller rink that used to be a busboy at the restaurant she worked at.  LOL.  Can't make this stuff up.  He also is married with kids.  To be fair, he is a really good roller skater though. ::)  She did this some years ago with a guy that was a security guard and a never made it bar band musician.  LOL.  Like thirty years older than her as well.  Also married.  Moved out on my dime, of course, and our son was only 2 then.  That affair though was more physical in nature and more "in your face".   I couldn't sentence the kid to life with her as she is not only emotionally abusive to the kids, she in no way could provide a stable environment but I didn't trust court to do anything right (we were not married yet) so I sucked it up and brought her back.  I didn't know of BPD then and thought things could get better.  Well, we got married as that was the source of her issues...LOL...allegedly.  Didn't help.  Things were basically on the edge of intolerable but I worked my tail off, did everything, handled everything, got no support and struggled along hoping to get our son to 18 before leaving.  Didn't make it.  This escapade...and I am relatively certain her yowling that it isn't an "affair" may be true since she really hasn't had time without kids to have one, at least not a decent one...is still another emotional backstab and one I can't recover from.  I'm keeping my son as she doesn't have the facilities, she is taking daughter as she is at least currently stuck with her lie that that's the reason for this.  In her BNPD way the 1BR apt is about a block from my house, so she can keep tabs and try to stay enmeshed, as well she will leave most of her accumulated crap in the filthy house she leaves.  This time however, when I go through and clean everything and make it nice again and organized and calm for my son, I know I am not taking her back and not living like this anymore.  She is petrified of court and I'm familiar and will use it to my advantage.  She already said she just will sign an agreed settlement  and I will get one prepared.  I am giving her way more financially than she's entitled to, and consider it money well spent to get this black hole of misery pushed to the periphery of my life as much as possible.  What I've learned in the last month of B and NPD has been like a transplant giving me sight, finally.  The books and descriptions and anecdotes are so absolutely dead on I'd swear they are incidents and situations directly from my life.  So helpful to know that no matter what I did it wouldn't have been good enough, that if I was a rock star it wouldn't be enough, if I was anyone it would never work. 

*

Stepping lightly

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • 981
Re: Digest: My Story
« Reply #1 on: August 17, 2015, 04:29:09 PM »
Hi Sysiphus,

Welcome- I hope that you find some peace and support in this group.  My DH has an ex uNPD, so I've gotten a crash course in PDs, custody drama, and more than I ever wanted to see in regards to drama and nastiness.  Will you still get to see your SD some?  How is your son now?

*

hi8is

  • New Member
  • *
  • 14
Re: Digest: My Story
« Reply #2 on: September 11, 2015, 05:58:32 AM »
Hey mate,

I'm going through the ringer myself with a custody battle and a lot of the emotional wounds you've outlined. It was nice for me to read of similar insanity and to have a new forum of connecting here.

Keep yourself together as much you can with support and know that I'm here for you in our little corner of the Internet.

"In even the darkest of rooms, there is a light. Find it."

Cheers,
-hi8is