I'm really hurting.

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Sarah6

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I'm really hurting.
« on: August 14, 2015, 08:25:47 PM »
  No body can help but myself here.  Im going through another episode with my sister.   She told me if I made up a business  plan and a financial plan and did all this stuff she would allow me to board 3 horses here on our property. With her knowing full well that working with horses is going to be my new occupation now.  I have no no new form of income as it is  and she know this too.   She keeps looking for things to incriminate me with so she can say no. My brother told me she is just making up excuses and when I do the finale thing she wants me to do, she will come up with another excuse to say no. I didnt want to believe him,  but sure enough it's happened again.  She says because the place is on probate
 I cant do this,  which isnt so.
                             I ask her questions like why didnt you tell me this would be a problem before I did that work?  This was on text,  and naturally she doesnt answer me about this. My brother knows a lot about tenant laws and it turns out she made this aggreement with me,  telling me I could board horses here before my Aunt passed away, this is before probate. And also there is a farmer renting land here as well before probate, this is like a business still going on, he pays rent to her every year for the use of our land for hay. This is ok, because the agreement was made before probate and continues on.                     Shes just being difficult.  I think she has a personality disorder. 
                                       Im getting a lot of support from my brother and really good friend who knows a lot of about this sort of thing, and both of them are telling me to stand up for myself and do this anyways ,I have the right because she made this agreement with me way back and she knows it.   I had a flyer up which she took down, and they are telling  to just keep putting them back up and go ahead with my plans.   This scares me. My sister rages.      There is no way what I want to do would effect her life at all,  yet she just wants to be mean and controlling.  Im the only one who I can help here when it comes down to it.  It really sucks.     

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Sarah6

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Re: I'm really hurting.
« Reply #1 on: August 14, 2015, 09:44:47 PM »
   This is off the subject yet it isnt. I found myself today getting really really angry,  but not angry so to speak about the issue that is currently happening.  I felt angry because this kind of turmoil I feel each time this happens is all most the same.
                It finally hit me, that there is a pattern to this.   And maybe Im crazy, maybe not, and that the issue at hand now isnt really an issue at all but something to use as an issue so my sister can create some kind of adrenaline provoking drama again.  Ive looked back over the past ever since I lived here and it has astounded me how these episodes appear to be occurring in an  almost patternistic fashion.  Its like my Nmom and sister are adrenaline junkies!!!  No Sheete.

                                    Things will get real calm for awhile and then all of a sudden an issue is created to upset me, or my brother when he was here and then everything is tottally out of control abusive wise until it just builds and builds. Like the scene where my Nmom and sister called the police on my brother!! Oh!! the excitement!  Oh the adrenaline rush they must have felt thinking they were in the right and were going to get their way!    It has been shocking incident  after incident with these ladies. Maybe everyone here all ready knows what Im talking about. Maybe Im just decribing it in a different way.   In a way that makes most sense to me.  Its like they torture me into getting upset and provoked just so they can gang up on me and get that high of feeling all powerful and superior.  And really,  there's a big possibility that the issues they chose to hurt me with arent really all that important to them at all.  Its the process of what they are doing and getting from it that is what is most important to them.   Maybe this is why half the reasoning that comes out of their mouths dont make any sense.   They are addicts for their high.  This is a form of Narcissism. I know it.  This out look that I was blind to before is really going to help me,   just when I thought I was totally lost.  I have had it with feeling tortured by them.  I know allowing myself to feel this way over their behavior has got to stop.  This is their feed.  This is their desease.   They find what's meaningful to you and they target right for it!  like energy vampires.   

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bunnie

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Re: I'm really hurting.
« Reply #2 on: August 14, 2015, 10:23:32 PM »
You summed it up nicely shawn.

I'm really sorry for your pain.  I'm going through it too with my mother and sister.  They try with all they've got to get me caught up in their mess.  And if I dare have a human emotion or reaction, they pounce!  It is the most awful feeling in the world.  In my case, my sister is using the kids as pawns against me.  And my mom is getting off on the discord and the adrenaline.

These pds are cruel and hateful.  You're right.  It has everything to do with the process and the drama and hurt that's created.  Very disgusting behavior.

   
                It finally hit me, that there is a pattern to this.   And maybe Im crazy, maybe not, and that the issue at hand now isnt really an issue at all but something to use as an issue so my sister can create some kind of adrenaline provoking drama again.  Ive looked back over the past ever since I lived here and it has astounded me how these episodes appear to be occurring in an  almost patternistic fashion.  Its like my Nmom and sister are adrenaline junkies!!!  No Sheete.

                                    Things will get real calm for awhile and then all of a sudden an issue is created to upset me, ----  And really,  there's a big possibility that the issues they chose to hurt me with arent really all that important to them at all.  Its the process of what they are doing and getting from it that is what is most important to them.   Maybe this is why half the reasoning that comes out of their mouths dont make any sense.   They are addicts for their high.  ----They find what's meaningful to you and they target right for it!  like energy vampires.   
« Last Edit: August 14, 2015, 10:46:22 PM by bunnie »
To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize - Voltaire

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Sarah6

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Re: I'm really hurting.
« Reply #3 on: August 14, 2015, 11:55:34 PM »
Ya....  I just all of a sudden started making these connections that have to do with patterns coming from them.  I have worked with my therapist on setting boundaries and not reacting to them.  Not reacting to them has been the hardest by far.
                                I think what I mean is , ok.  I can react to them,  its just the way I have been reacting that feeds into what they want.  My sister wants to torture me and keep me hanging on a limp over something that could be resolved in one sentence.  Like ok,  go ahead.    You can be rational with her, but she doesnt want to be rational. And then she gives you the silent treatment and nothing is resolved and Im left feeling tortured again. My guess is that the show she is putting on now is merely just that. This is one of the worst because my financial well being depends on it as well as my happiness and dream to work with horses. I hate to say it but she has turned into an absolute monster, but Im making a vow right now that I am not going to give her what she wants.  I will not shout at her, judge her,blame her, or anything like that.   I will just keep restating that I have a right to have a small horse business her because I live here and by my doing this, this will not effect her in anyway.  She knows I have legal protection forms and all that stuff ready to go. I have an attorney as well. All Im getting from her is BS designed to scare me so she can keep putting me down and keeping me in my place.   She wants a blow out.  She isnt getting it.  If she wants to threaten to evict  me (ploy) she can threaten away.   I dont want anymore drama and I wont have it.  She's using this as an excuse to create more of this. I cant take anymore!   Im going to quietly find my clients and quietly lead them in.   Im doing this.

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bunnie

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Re: I'm really hurting.
« Reply #4 on: August 15, 2015, 02:17:31 AM »
I think you have connected the dots well.  And you have prepared well to avoid falling into her and your mother's traps again.  Stick to your guns!  She absolutely wants a blowout and you will steal her thunder by not giving in.  Hopefully, she quickly gets the point that you're not going to dance with her any longer.  It's actually great that you have a passion for your horses.  That gives you a great reason to keep going and living. It's also something that is all yours apart from your family's stuff.

I reacted about a month ago to my sister's smug email.  I actually don't regret responding, but it just gave her more reason to continue on with her silent treatment and smear campaign of me.

Yes you are doing this and we've all got your back.  You go Shawn! :applause:

« Last Edit: August 15, 2015, 02:25:39 AM by bunnie »
To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize - Voltaire

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Sarah6

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Re: I'm really hurting.
« Reply #5 on: August 16, 2015, 12:48:07 AM »
I think you have connected the dots well.  And you have prepared well to avoid falling into her and your mother's traps again.  Stick to your guns!  She absolutely wants a blowout and you will steal her thunder by not giving in.  Hopefully, she quickly gets the point that you're not going to dance with her any longer.  It's actually great that you have a passion for your horses.  That gives you a great reason to keep going and living. It's also something that is all yours apart from your family's stuff.

I reacted about a month ago to my sister's smug email.  I actually don't regret responding, but it just gave her more reason to continue on with her silent treatment and smear campaign of me.
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  I understand this smear campaign thing well.   My mother has been telling my dad stuff about me for about a year now and the going's on here that arent true.  I couldnt figure out why I wasnt getting any real support from my dad, just BS. Then my brother told me some of the stuff that was being said.  I couldnt believe it!!  This is what a covert Narcissist does, my mother.  They will destroy a whole family just like that.  Ive decided, my mom is not gettiing away with this anymore.  I dont care what I have to do to stop it.  Well, for one,  I dont talk to my dad hardly at all now and I know he knows why. He betrayed me over a bunch of lies coming from them, but he wont admit it and he wont do a thing to make up for the damage to my soul it caused.  He just tries to pretend it never happened,  like I dont matter complex being encouraged again.  He doesnt matter.
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Yes you are doing this and we've all got your back.  You go Shawn! :applause:

  Thanks Bunnie,>  I wrote above under your quote.
                        Ive obviously been giving this a lot of thought.  Its like I all ways knew this about how these fights developed, it's just now I'm seeing it on a new level. I appreciate your support. I really do.  It's been confusing because on one side of this, two of my friends, (men) who I really respect are telling me not to let her run over top of me and I'm right to feel I have the right to do this, mainly because this was our agreement and now she is backing out of it with this excuse. At least it appears to be one. My friends are telling me it is and the alturnative way to do this is perfectly ok.  Try getting her to see this.  I was so angry I was considering to just go ahead and do this anyways. One of my friends said, Go put your flyers back up! F-her.   I thought about this and all I got in my mind was anxiety.  This will spell Big trouble,  there is no way out of it. As much as I respect my friends advise and sentiment,  I decided this isnt the way I want to handle this. 
                 I dont have proof, but it really looks like she is just being stubborn and defensive over other bad things that have happened in the past between us and now my brother as well. She thinks Im conspiring against her with my brother.
Interesting how she and my mother can stick together in our fights every time and gang up on me,  but as soon as the sides are even she starts to freak out.  She wrote me a threatening email telling me to stay away from my brother and not listen to him because he doesnt know anything about what he's talking about.  And if I do talk to him this will threaten our relationship. It was the way she worded it. Like ,you talk to him, you will never get what you want here.    I need to post this, I will continue.
« Last Edit: August 16, 2015, 01:38:33 AM by shawn »

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Sarah6

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Re: I'm really hurting.
« Reply #6 on: August 16, 2015, 01:23:44 AM »
  She was absolutely positive he and I were saying mean and vicious things about her.  We arent,  that's the thing. We are actually very concerned about her and saddened over the way she has been acting towards me and him. Ive been the one whose been angry and expressing it,  but my brother isnt taking this approach and is helping me to temper myself and be more empathedic and thoughtful as to dealing with her when there is conflict. He's obviously been through more therapy then me and it shows.
                     Also, she got all bend up and certain that I was just going to go over her head and do this horse thing with out telling her in the beginning, which I wasnt,  I told her this several times in a text but she wont listen. Its like a habit with her to jump to defensive conclusions every time. I even wrote her a note telling her that no one would be coming up here with out her permission first!  She ignored it and believed what she wanted. Set out to punish me by telling me no. At least,  this is my theory.  Both my friends think this probate thing is just an excuse. I think they are right. She is holding a grudge on me over something that happened in the past that was "her" fault, and she wants to bring it up again as cause to her decision.  She more or less said this as a part of the probate reason. Its interesting how they give themselves away while trying to make themselves look like it's something else.

                              So, what I did is write her a long heart felt letter aiming at resolving the issues that have been glaring out of the cracks.  Restating what I had to restate to get her to understand that my brother and I are not against her and we dont talk bad about her at all.  I didnt say this,  but the truth is we are very concerned because she hasnt been herself in the last year or so at all. We know she has been under a lot of stress.  And this isnt my brother's opinion, but I think it's from being around my mother!!! She's turning her into a Nar. There is something really wrong with my mother and I believe her influence is the cause of all this craziness.  So anyways,  I wrote her this letter telling her how I feel and really tried to get her to understand, we are not against her and NO,   I would not go ahead and just go over her head.   She is so hyper defensive. Quite frankly, Id rather deal with a toddler then this,because this is what this is like.   Putting my foot down to her now will only cause more atomic bombs. This is not to say Im just laying down and saying ok, roll the truck over me.   No,  I just think its best I try this tactic first before anything else.   
                                Im angry more then anything at my mother. I think she is the cause of this in her. My mother fills her head with demonic sheet. Encourages paranoia and all ways has to be right and controlling of everything. Shes sick and she's making my sister sick. My sister can never fight her battles alone.  My mom has to be there too. It's awful!!! Well, there you have it, thee example of the two of them calling the police on my brother because they refused to put the dogs out in the kitchen because my brother wanted to take a shower and eat breakfast in peace. My brother puts his foot down,  Oh my gOd!!!! Call the police!!!!  My mom is out of town now, which is good, so hopefully my sister will understand that Im really sincere about what Im telling her with out my mom's interference.   
« Last Edit: August 16, 2015, 01:27:58 AM by shawn »

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bunnie

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Re: I'm really hurting.
« Reply #7 on: August 16, 2015, 03:42:17 AM »
I agree that you have to do what you think is best.  Friends do mean well but they don't have the same stakes in these situations that we do. 

I totally agree that your mother is more than likely fueling the madness.  This is my sister's worse year of paranoia and alienation. And my very mentally ill mother is in her ear right now and she just cannot see straight.  My mother is back in town, yet again, so there will be more madness over the next few days.  More accusations against me, probably another hateful email and threats to never see her or the kids again.  It's sad to see how my sister is being manipulated by my mother, bil and even my dad (who I do think means well but is completely ineffective at helping her).

I went back and read your other posts. So I'm all caught up now...lol.  I'm glad for you that you have your brother.  My brothers are sane as well and that is a big help.

PS - I might be missing it, but what was your sister's response to the letter you sent?  Did she acknowledge it at all?
« Last Edit: August 16, 2015, 03:45:52 AM by bunnie »
To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize - Voltaire

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Sarah6

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Re: I'm really hurting.
« Reply #8 on: August 18, 2015, 11:29:43 PM »
No Bunnie,  There was no response from the letter at all.  Im getting really teird of what I call disrespect.  I dont know what you could call that? being ignored maybe. I guess she feels she has said everything she needs to, so why bother responding to me. Why bother acknowledging my feelings or maybe even have anything positive or loving to say to contribute back to the nice things I said.   You know , why bother showing any responsibility to thee fact that I have every reason to feel a bit jerked around. No apologies, no explaining anything to me, no nothing. No real sentiment of showing that I have feelings.

                                               

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Sarah6

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Re: I'm really hurting.
« Reply #9 on: August 18, 2015, 11:46:36 PM »
I keep having problems posting.

                    Anyways,   She's acting like a covert Nar.  I dont know what she is.  I think deep down inside she doesnt want me here, most likely to the point where she cant admit this herself. Shes been so difficult and Im so tired of it. I dont feel I am allowed to be who I really am here. Its too much of a threat to her.  She acts like my Aunt is still alive. She cant deal with any kind of change here, though there have been some,  but none of them have come easy.

                                                 Im going to go through this one last episode with her, because that is what they feel like.  And if it turns into another one of their gang up on me blow outs, with all the irrational talk and lying that follows and they keep me from boarding horses here,  (after a I fight this of course)  Im going to start taking actions to get out of here.  I know someone in Texas who might be able to help me. Im checking out many other resources as well because this environment with them is so un healthy.  Im taking two weeks off from this place and going to see this friend of mine. They can feed my cats.  And the thing is,  they would never imagine me going anywhere at this point as my own vacation, get away, what ever you want to call it. They think Im stuck here.  I can hear it all ready,  "Youre going where??!!!!!!!" 
Texas!!!!! MOM   TEXAS!!!!!    Suck on that... bye!!!!  Can you hear me laughing?  I can and it feels so good! ( :
« Last Edit: August 18, 2015, 11:49:29 PM by shawn »

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bunnie

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Re: I'm really hurting.
« Reply #10 on: August 19, 2015, 09:27:16 PM »
LOL shawn,

Yes I can hear you laughing.  I'll be laughing with you as I can just feel the freedom!!!!!
To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize - Voltaire