NC with PD Parent what about GCSibling?

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lovingheart

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NC with PD Parent what about GCSibling?
« on: August 20, 2015, 06:18:48 PM »
I had a PDM and an enD. I have gone NC with both of them but how do I go NC with my GCSister? She's a flying monkey for my parents... I moved out about five or six months or so but I keep in touch with her occasionally. Due to the fact the only texts me about my parents I am tempted to go NC with her. Has anyone else had to do this?  :stars:

Thanks ahead of time!
Healing doesn't mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our lives.

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kayjewel

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Re: NC with PD Parent what about GCSibling?
« Reply #1 on: August 20, 2015, 09:00:52 PM »
Instead of going fully and formally NC, you could just not respond to her texts about the parents, and only communicate with her about other things. When she starts acting like a flying monkey, change the subject or end the conversation.

If she only wants to discuss the parents, and that's the only communication she has with you, then your refusing to engage with her on that subject would effectively amount to NC, of course, but it would be as much her choice as yours.



There is no coming to consciousness without pain. People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own soul. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.
-- C. G. Jung

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lovingheart

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Re: NC with PD Parent what about GCSibling?
« Reply #2 on: August 21, 2015, 11:04:18 AM »
Thanks Kay!
Healing doesn't mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our lives.

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bunnie

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Re: NC with PD Parent what about GCSibling?
« Reply #3 on: August 22, 2015, 05:02:46 PM »
I agree with kayjewel.  But let her know you want a relationship with her (if you do) and make the relationship about the two of you.
To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize - Voltaire

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daughter

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Re: NC with PD Parent what about GCSibling?
« Reply #4 on: August 22, 2015, 07:31:48 PM »
If GCsis respects your boundaries and doesn't poke and prod at your NC decision, then perhaps your relationship can continue on some modified basis sans parents. In my situation, GCsis is also FM Nsis, and as en-NF so often put it: "you're mother's done all in her power to ruin your relationship with your sister" (w/NF's enablement and silence). There was no relationship to maintain, for me, because My GCsis was NBM's mini-me BFF, rewarded for her complicity, and equally disdainful towards me.

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makarios_tonikos

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Re: NC with PD Parent what about GCSibling?
« Reply #5 on: August 23, 2015, 08:47:16 PM »
Haven't been in contact with my own GC sister for nearly 4 years, and haven't seen her for a decade and a half. Nowadays, she's just a stool pigeon for the personality-disordered crank in the family. 

Aside from the favoritism and triangulation growing up, there was no major feud between the two of us. However, she clearly reaped her own share of "dysfunction": she shoplifted at age 7, received a trespass/failure to obey citation at 14 and got fired for stealing from her employer at 21. No remorse about any of these acts, only excuses.

Best guess now - I would say she's either a malignant narc or a sociopath.
« Last Edit: August 23, 2015, 09:03:10 PM by makarios_tonikos »

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lovingheart

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Re: NC with PD Parent what about GCSibling?
« Reply #6 on: August 24, 2015, 10:04:08 AM »
I am pretty sure my GCSis has a disorder. My mom has her wrapped around her finger and it's been that way for a long time. The reason I am considering NC with her is because we can occasionally text and have a normal conversation but she then begins talking to me about my nBPDM.. I've been clear with her. I want a relationship with her and I want to hear what's going on in HER life no one else. She has been unable to comply with this. I don't like texting her because everything is going great and she knows I'll reply then she'll bring my M or my enD. She understands why I left but she doesn't get the point that I want nothing to do right now ,for my own mental health, with the rest of the FOO.

Thank you all for responding! I hope y'all had a good and peaceful weekend.
Healing doesn't mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our lives.

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Unvitation to Drama

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Re: NC with PD Parent what about GCSibling?
« Reply #7 on: August 24, 2015, 11:43:27 AM »
DH and I are NC with his uBPD Mother and eNFather. 

We are also NC with his very low functioning uBPD sister. 

We have made it clear to both of his brothers: GC Brother and Lost Chid Brother that we wold be happy to have a relationship with both of them independent of the BPD Mother and N Father. 

We had a semblance of a relationship with Lost Chid brother until he married a Borderline about two years ago.  Haven't seem him since.....she's the Hermit, isolationist type.

We have ignored FM attempts by GC Brother for YEARS!  Long before we NC with DH's parents.  However, since our journey into VVLC followed by NC, GC Brother cannot cope with our decision.  At first I think he thought we would cave, and was trying to wait us out.  Currently, he is withholding his children from us and not allowing our children (or DH and I) to have a relationship with them.  We have not seen he, his wife or oldest child for two years; and have never even met the youngest.

I feel as long as they are in the FOG and performing their GC duties they will be unable to cope with your decision and come up with some reason to go VVLC or NC, otherwise, they will badger the hell out of you.