Triangulation

  • 2 Replies
  • 973 Views
*

eyeofthestorm

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 154
  • There's no winner to an irrational war.
Triangulation
« on: August 29, 2015, 01:47:05 AM »
So tired of this.
I've an older cousin who lives across the country, and he and I are very close as confidants. Brother has been attempting to bully him all along, since before Mom passed, that Cousin needs to hear "his side too" -- to put Cousin in parent-figure,  mediator role. When that didn't work,  Brother told Cousin he was being fed bullsh*t by me.   When that didn't work, Brother resorted to vicious name-calling and telling Cousin he was dead to him. (This from Brother who has lost his stepson, wife and Mom in the last 5 years.)
And time and time again it's been instead of Brother dealing directly with me. (So who really is the spineless wimp?)
He's started up again, telling Cousin there's been a "great divide" [with me] and that he hasn't dealt well with grief.  He probably thinks that's an apology but Cousin doesn't think so.  He's right. No accountability for the verbal mudslinging towards him.
Cousin emailed me back and asked if I wanted him to reiterate that it needs to be between Brother and me. I said no. Brother needs to know that,  genuinely feel it inside himself.
Meanwhile I'm just trying to stay in the moment and not shadow-box when there's no Brother in the picture.
Cousin has had some boundary and self-assertion issues -- I'm proud of him for holding his ground. And grateful for his respect.
Family dynamics -- it's what makes PD stuff so much more complicated.  Let's see who else of the greater clan we can bring into the mix. 
Ugh.
"Either this wallpaper goes or I do." (Last words of Oscar Wilde)

*

Poetry In Motion

  • New Member
  • *
  • 7
Re: Triangulation
« Reply #1 on: August 29, 2015, 05:35:03 PM »
Well, on the positive side, at least you have your cousin's support.

There is very little consolation to offer in these situations, so we have to take whatever tiny bright lights we can find .... the only thing I know is that they never come from the people we want them to come from ... they come out of the blue when we take positive steps away from the storm .... take care of yourself and try to stay removed from this situation until you are strong enough not to be upset by your brother ... sorry, I wish I could offer you something better.

*

eyeofthestorm

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 154
  • There's no winner to an irrational war.
Re: Triangulation
« Reply #2 on: August 29, 2015, 05:45:57 PM »
Thanks Poetry in Motion for the thoughtful reply.
You're exactly right and I'm very grateful for my cousin's support.
He's been a wonderful sounding board.
And again you're correct, people have come from out of the blue with warm hearts and helping hands, to enlarge (refine?) my definition of family.
"Either this wallpaper goes or I do." (Last words of Oscar Wilde)