I dared to say no

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hhaw

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Re: I dared to say no
« Reply #60 on: July 02, 2016, 02:45:23 PM »
GM:

You can love your sister the way you need to love her..... and not the way she insists you love her.

It's OK to step back, and stop doing what she tells you to do.

If you believe in a God... she's where she's supposed to be right now, and so are you.

Review what you're willing to do, and put up with, then do what you have to do in order to enforce those boundaries.

It's OK.

You aren't responsible for her, and her and her belief that you are might be one thing keeping her from stepping up, and being responsible for herself.

Good luck,
hhaw



What you are speaks so loudly in my ears.... I can't hear a word you're saying.

When someone tells you who they are... believe them.

"That which does not kill us, makes us stronger."
Nietchzsche

"It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness."
Eleanor Roosevelt

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guitarman

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Re: I dared to say no
« Reply #61 on: July 03, 2016, 02:25:33 AM »
Thanks hhaw. You are right I'm not responsible for her and she wouldn't want me to be. However at times she has no insight into her own behaviour and thinking. She needs guidance through the dark unseeing times. Over the years I've done less and less and tried to distance myself from her for my own sanity. I could do so much more but hold back and let her try and sort things out for herself. She's quite capable, at times. Other times it all ends in disaster and she becomes suicidal.

She's stayed over another night. I'm trying to stay calm, a couple of times I had to stop myself from shouting at her. I forgive myself, I'm only human. She pushes all my buttons even when she's being super nice. She is a person with complex needs, financial, emotional, physical and mental. Each one of them directly affects me. She is so lonely. She said she needs to do something about that. That's for her to sort out, not me. She puts on a good act and others don't realise how desperate she is. She alienates others by her behaviour and she doesn't realise.

I need support most of the time, I recognise that otherwise I will crack up. It's so hard at times. I try to be strong but there's just so much any one person can take and I've reached that limit. I can't be a rescuer all the time but some people need life support otherwise they will die, or think that they will.

This post will be closed down soon as it's reached it's five page limit so I'll start another one if I need to. Thanks for everyone's help and support. It's been invaluable and I really appreciate it. Just knowing others are going through similar but different situations really helps. We are not alone.

Best wishes.
"Do not let the behaviour of others destroy your inner peace." - Dalai Lama

"You don't have to be a part of it, you can become apart from it." - guitarman

"Be gentle with yourself, you're doing the best you can." - Anon

"If it hurts it isn't love." - Kris Godinez, counsellor and author

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Shockwave

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Re: I dared to say no
« Reply #62 on: July 03, 2016, 04:30:57 AM »
Something tells me you're a really nice guy, guitarman. Do you see yourself that way to the point where you define it as part of your very identity and being?
"Because he's the hero Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we'll hunt him. Because he can take it. Because he's not a hero. He's a silent guardian, a watchful protector. A Dark Knight."
-- James Gordon, The Dark Knight

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guitarman

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Re: I dared to say no
« Reply #63 on: July 03, 2016, 04:56:14 AM »
Thanks Shockwave. I don't know about being a nice guy. I have my failings like everybody. I try to see the good in everyone and make the most of every situation. I try and be positive rather than negative. It's because being around my uBPD/uNPD sister for so long can feel so destructive and draining. I have to keep her seeing the best in life rather than the worst. She can be very depressed and suicidal.

I've seen the worst behaviour anyone could ever exhibit towards someone else. Her behaviour towards our elderly frail father made him want to kill himself because of all the stress she caused in all our lives. He eventually died from natural causes but she didn't make his life easy. He was a very sick old man but she persisted in worrying him with all her problems. She couldn't help it. She has serious mental health issues.

Life is a teacher and being around someone all my life who has mental health issues has taught me so much even in the darkest times which I try and use to help others and myself.

I'm proud to be a nice guy if that's what people think. Thanks I appreciate your comments.

Best wishes.
"Do not let the behaviour of others destroy your inner peace." - Dalai Lama

"You don't have to be a part of it, you can become apart from it." - guitarman

"Be gentle with yourself, you're doing the best you can." - Anon

"If it hurts it isn't love." - Kris Godinez, counsellor and author

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Bloomie

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Re: I dared to say no
« Reply #64 on: July 03, 2016, 09:28:17 PM »
Hey there guitarman - What a great thread. As you rightly noted, we've reached the 5 page max and I wanted to invite you all to continue the conversation in a new thread. Going to lock this one up for length.