PD Twin Sister

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sonshinesas

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PD Twin Sister
« on: February 25, 2016, 02:12:09 PM »
I had a lovely visit from my twin, she came to help take care of my mother that had major issues after surgery. There wasn't on thing my sister wouldn't do for her and she was truly a Godsend. She maintained for a month although a few times she tried to bring me into her world and I refused, changing the subject, remaining calm. Not home with her two boys (her daughter lives with me in another state and "dad" chose to move with his mother and away from sister leaving a 17 and 20 year old to deal with it all) a day and the melt down began. She called me in hysterics, complete shut down mode, to rehash all the wrongs in her life, all the lies, deceit, delusions and begging me to save her. I had to finally hang up after my nerves were shot and stomach was upset. I gave up trying anyway to get her to get help she tells anyone who will hear it "SHE IS NOT CRAZY", THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME!.  After a visit by the police two months ago (her oldest son called on her) she walked back into the house and told her son "See I can hide it when I want to", that tells me the depth of her illness. How can they maintain a month or a few weeks then lose absolute control? I hate my brother in law for abandoning the boys and leaving them to deal with her; it must be nice for him to feel safe at his own kids expense. I can't talk to her right now, she is calmer after 5 days in her room, crying in the dark, staying up all night. I just want to ask her how she flips that switch? Sorry this is just a sad rant, this is all more than I can deal with since there seems to be no out. And I did want the boys here but they won't leave.

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Bloomie

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Re: PD Twin Sister
« Reply #1 on: February 25, 2016, 02:35:43 PM »
Hi sonshineseas - I see you are new here and I want to welcome you. Wow! What a lot to deal with! I am glad you have joined us here for encouragement and support. Your frustration with your sister and the effects it is having on her children - not to mention your bil not intervening on your nephew's behalf - is crazy making if we let it be.

If your sister refuses to admit she has some problems that are negatively impacting her children and will not submit to some kind of psychological evaluation and assistance, would it be possible to find counseling and support for your nephews? Do they have anyone close by - family, mentors, close friends - that can support them through this? Do you suspect your sister has a personality disorder? Did child protective services follow up after your nephew called regarding his mother's behavior?

Having grown up in a home with an unstable mother whose times of instability were extreme and frightening, I can relate to your nephews feeling responsible and loyal to your sister. What a heartbreaker this must be for you as you bear witness to the destruction your sister's rapidly cycling behavior is to one and all.

Take full advantage of the resource material at the drop down menus above. It is very helpful, especially the toolbox and personality disorders traits information.

Glossary topics that came to mind that may be of immediate help to you are:

My Stuff/Your Stuff

The 3 C's Rule

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Sorry this is just a sad rant

No need to apologize. Your feelings are valid, important, and respectfully stated. You are in a truly tough spot and I am thankful you have found a place to share and process all that you are dealing with. Come back often. Keep reading and posting. It really does help!

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sonshinesas

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Re: PD Twin Sister
« Reply #2 on: February 25, 2016, 02:53:33 PM »
Thanks Bloomie-
BIL had one shot I set up from far away to get her mandatory help but he wouldn't do it. I went through hell and finally had the court tell me BIL would have to be there with the kids at 0830 in the morning and they would at least get her taken in 7-10 days, that itself was unbelievable but he wouldn't do it, always some lame excuse.  Boys just keep it inside, its embarrassing for them to say the least. I thought about filing yet another CPS case and may do that tonight, that last times didn't seem to change much.  This is the third cop call in less than a year and she seems to always be able to talk her way out of it, that blows my mind.

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Bloomie

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Re: PD Twin Sister
« Reply #3 on: February 25, 2016, 08:56:04 PM »
Wow! That is truly mind blowing. I understand the boys embarrassment. I didn't tell anyone what was going on with my mom until well into adulthood. I just pushed it all down and was an amazing little soldier. Except for one lone time when she came to my place of work (I was 19) before we opened for the day and was screaming and banging on the door threatening to take her life. I didn't know to call the police in those days, but I did call our pastor and the about face my mother did when she came face to face with him was astounding. Your sister's comment that went something like she can hide it when she wants to - gave me chills and brought this back to mind.

I believe my mother was uBPD/NPD and know that she also had addictions to controlled substances. You may want to read through the Personality Disorders info for help in getting your arms around what you and your family may be dealing with if your sister is undiagnosed.

You are doing what you can reasonably and safely do, and that is a lot. Those kids know you care, they know they have somewhere to go and someone who loves them and believes them when they are ready to make that move. You cannot know how much it would've meant to me if one person had known and seen what we were going through that was willing to leave the door open should I ever decide to leave. What you are doing is A LOT!! Don't ever doubt it. Sending you wisdom and strength!! :hug:

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sonshinesas

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She will never stop
« Reply #4 on: April 20, 2016, 10:29:34 AM »
I only got CPS to follow up on one report years ago over my one nephew not wearing his glasses (or having any to wear) whom has a lazy eye. They made her get him glasses, she did, case closed.
She recently called her daughter (she lives with me) at 130am to go on a tirade; screaming "why did you do this to me?" and that she wanted to kill herself! My niece hadn't lived at home for the last three years (over one with me, two with friends family) hence she had never really experienced her mothers full craziness. My niece is the sensitive one so she was thrown into a mess of fear and stress. Long story short, by time my niece was able to get someone to check on her mom, her mom was fast asleep. She called her two weeks later like nothing ever happened. My niece will never forget this. The only good advice I could muster is next time call 911 and have them patch you through 911 in MD and see if they can send out the police or ambulance. Its all pretty sickening.
My sister hasn't called me in weeks but you can bet when she does I am going to tell her if she ever pulls that crap again I will call 911 and whomever else I have to. My fear is what will it take to have her seek help. My brother in law went to check on her and reassured his daughter all was well and he understood my nieces fear because sadly they have all been through it themselves. It never gets better, only goes along a short time before she looses it on someone. I warned my sister more than once, she will one day go off on the wrong person and pay the price. Just venting, I love this place, I know I am not alone.

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guitarman

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Re: PD Twin Sister
« Reply #5 on: April 20, 2016, 11:26:21 AM »
Welcome sonshinesas. You are not alone.

What you have experienced sounds very familiar to me. I have a uBPD/uNPD sister. What you have posted reminded me of so many situations that I have witnessed with my sister over many, many years. I thought I had forgotten them but they are always with me somewhere. I just can't forget. I wish I could.

I called for the police and ambulance many times because of the way my sister was behaving. She is frequently hysterical shouting and screaming and threatening to take her own life. I'm in the UK so it maybe different for where you live but after I called the police three times it flagged up on their system and the safeguarding team were alerted. It was to do with issues about how my sister behaved around our mother when my sister visited her so it was about safeguarding my elderly mother from my sister's behaviour. Maybe that is something you could explore with your nephews especially as you say that one of them is still a minor being under eighteen years old. I'm not sure how it would be with the older one.

There should be safeguarding procedures set up that you could find out about.

Your sister clearly needs professional help and support. My sister doesn't believe that she has any mental health issues she says that the rest of the family do and that we are dysfunctional. She has been on and off anti depressants most of her adult life. She is happy to talk about her anxiety and stress caused by other people in the family and the way that we treat her. She blames her behaviour on that and that if we treated her differently then she wouldn't behave the way that she does. In effect she is saying that we are the cause of her mental health issues, which of course we aren't.

Keep posting. We are are all here to help and support you.

Best wishes.




"Do not let the behaviour of others destroy your inner peace." - Dalai Lama

"You don't have to be a part of it, you can become apart from it." - guitarman

"Be gentle with yourself, you're doing the best you can." - Anon

"If it hurts it isn't love." - Kris Godinez, counsellor and author