30 Years a dumb ass

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jeffreyp

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30 Years a dumb ass
« on: March 01, 2016, 09:03:05 PM »
Married 30 years to my wife who is a person with a high functioning BPD.
I am in crisis mode with no where to turn it seems. How in the hell did I get myself into this mess. I am lost.

I dont know where to turn. I hate myself for not dealing with this and just sticking my head in the sand.
She has gone to the book store after laying all her feelings in my lap again. I am no longer able to respond or discuss our issues logically. I have panic attacks, sweats, palpitations. That pisses her off.  FML

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Spring Butterfly

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Re: 30 Years a dumb ass
« Reply #1 on: March 02, 2016, 10:14:47 AM »
Welcome and please don't be so hard on yourself. So many of us here lived in various PD situations and were in the FOG - controlled by Fear Obligation Guilt. It doesn't make you a dumb anything and that kind of negativity is just going to sink you deeper. Don't give into the self blame and self hate!

As you settle in please check the Toolbox and some great ways there to begin to heal and cope. The Chosen board is a good place to interact with others in similar situation as you find yourself. It's a supportive community of fellow travelers along this journey Out of the FOG. Wishing you peace.
Every interaction w/ PD persons results in damage. Plan accordingly, make time to heal
Individuation is the key to emotional freedom
It's foolish to expect of others what they have no capacity to give
If others were self observant, introspective, this forum would not exist

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JG65

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Re: 30 Years a dumb ass
« Reply #2 on: March 02, 2016, 02:54:02 PM »
Dear Jeffreyp,

Welcome.  Denial is a big part of relationships with a person with a PD.  My father was diagnosed with NPD 30 years ago and until last year, I was in denial. 

It is clear to me now that we permitted behavior that went very far outside of what should have been acceptable because "that's how dad is."  I enabled him and let him manipulate me in numerous situations, including one that left me deeply depressed. 

I'm a whole lot better now and have the confidence and courage to reassure myself and promise myself that I'm not going to ever allow myself to get back into the place I was a year ago. 

You've come to a really good place for support and the materials here have really helped me.  A key thing I've learned in this process, and in coping through my mother's alcoholism years ago is that you can't change another person.  You can only change you. 

You are beginning the journey of changing you.  You are going to come out of this stronger, with much greater insight into your relationships and you. 

I wish you the very best of success in your journey. 
Sooner or later everyone sits down to a banquet of consequences - Robert Louis Stevenson