7 mths pregnant w my soon to be ex bpn. p.o. in place

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tsingerbaby

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7 mths pregnant w my soon to be ex bpn. p.o. in place
« on: March 14, 2016, 09:10:30 PM »
I guess that I am just looking for some advice and someone that can relate to what I'm going through. Tomorrow I will be 37 with A2 year old and I am seven and a half months pregnant. I was with my husband for almost 4 years and throughout this time he had been talking to other women, placing ads on Craigslist joining swinger groups in town along with Ashley Madison and Plenty of Fish. I confronted him multiple times he told me things would change and of course they did not. We never had any money due to his lack of being able to finance. He admitted himself to a rehab unit for a couple days a year ago after we didn't talk for 3 months. The final straw for me was when he laid his hands on me for the first time. I didn't even know what to do I was in shock and a week later I opened my tablet to find conversations with women he had for a year sitting he was divorced while we're together and what I thought was working on a family. I feel like I have been conned and I am so emotionally hormonal at the moment it is taking me everything to be a good mom. I did put a protection order into place and it was granted for a year for me and my son they are now trying to serve him with divorce papers but cannot find him. He has a couple of warrants out for his arrest. My personal thought is that he was dabbling in drugs since he is a recovering addict and I never laid his hands on me before. I don't even know what's going on in my mind let alone his. I wonder if he even thinks about his family and the baby on the way. I don't know what to expect from him when it comes to anything because I feel like I was married to somebody that never existed. I find myself picking up the pieces multiple times a day because I find out new things or get another bill in the mail that was never paid or find out about another woman or another sex site she had joined. I crawl in my own skin with anxiety not knowing what to even think or do accept the fact that I know I have done the right things so far!

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closure_with_clarity

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Re: 7 mths pregnant w my soon to be ex bpn. p.o. in place
« Reply #1 on: March 15, 2016, 11:11:04 AM »
Hi tsingerbaby and welcome to OOTF. It takes courage to post your story and even more fortitude to finally leave a toxic relationship. You'll find our separating and divorcing forum extremely helpful. The folks there know what you're going through and can provide good feedback, information, and support/help.

I wish you peace on your journey and look forward to seeing you about the discussions.

CWC

Let go of the people that dull your shine. Poison your spirit. And bring you drama. Cancel your subscription to their issues.  :)

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practical

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Re: 7 mths pregnant w my soon to be ex bpn. p.o. in place
« Reply #2 on: March 15, 2016, 12:08:44 PM »
Tsingerbaby, what a lot to go through and at such an emotional time. I'm happy you were able to get a p.o.

Do you suspect your husband of having a personality disorder? This website is dedicated to people who have loved ones in their lives who either have been diagnosed or where people suspect to loved one has a personality disorder. For more information check out the tab at the top of the page "Personality Disorders". The advice an insights shared here deal with issues caused by personality disorders. Look around and see and whether this is a good fit for you.

Independently of that you might find it helpful to read through the toolbox, there is a lot of insight to be found there that might help you as you go forward, how to heal, how to stay separate from the chaos your H has created in your life.

Do you have access to a counselor? It sounds like that might be very helpful to you as you are dealing with what you have already learned and the new discoveries you are unfortunately still making.

Sending you strength!
If Im not towards myself, who is towards myself? And when Im only towards myself, what am I? And if not now, when? (Rabbi Hillel)

"I can forgive, but I cannot afford to forget." (Moglow)

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Bloomie

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Re: 7 mths pregnant w my soon to be ex bpn. p.o. in place
« Reply #3 on: March 16, 2016, 10:17:18 PM »
Hi tsingerbaby - What a painful situation you are in. My heart goes out to you and your little ones. The kind of betrayal you have experienced is insidious and takes a tremendous toll on our sense of wellbeing and safety. I hope you have family and friends surrounding you as you process all that you have been through and prepare for the birth of your little one.

As hard as it must be right now, I believe you will look back on this time and see how brave you are and how the steps you are taking to protect yourself and your children are exactly the right thing.

Take full advantage of the resource materials at the drop down menus above! Sending you strength on your healing journey!
"You can understand and have compassion for someone and still not want a relationship with them."
Amanda E. White, LPC @therapyforwomen

Bloomie 🌸