Need a Little Boost - Ex Boyfriend Got Married

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atticusfinch

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Re: Need a Little Boost - Ex Boyfriend Got Married
« Reply #20 on: March 21, 2016, 01:49:38 AM »
thanks so much to both of you.  I had a big ugly cry today (hardly ever cry).  I think just seeing people from my past who I cared about, and they're doing so well, kind of highlighted that I have had some really crappy things happen to me, and I'm in a crappy moment.  I go in and out of being angry with God, but I'm having a moment where I guess all I can do is have faith that if I do the things that feel right/seem right  --while using my own judgement (sometimes I've abandoned my own judgement in favor of what authority figures think)-- then things will eventually be okay, and I'll dig myself out of this hole.

I guess I'm in a weird spot, worried about finances, worried about being able to provide for my kids eventually, a bit stressed out, and really discouraged about the dating world-- not wanting to be in it, but not really wanting to be out of it either.

Good news is-- feeling better and better about ex bf.  When I was crying I did feel some anger for the way he pressured and pressured me to keep dating him when I was in such a bad place, and I kept telling him I wasn't ready, and then he wouldn't go away, and when he finally did he runs off and marries someone, and doesn't even tell me...and it kind of felt like a revenge marriage-- does that make sense?  Silly, but with a little time I'm seeing all sorts of cracks in the whole situation, and feeling really grateful it's not me trapped forever when I wasn't ready.  I do still feel the loss of a person I cared about, and you're right about grieving.  I feel like I'm jumping all over the place in the grieving process and hope that it will gradually get better.  I could definitely do better with the self care lately-- working on a novel in my "spare" time so I end up exhausted a lot because I don't get much of a break. :)

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Rocket Girl

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Re: Need a Little Boost - Ex Boyfriend Got Married
« Reply #21 on: March 21, 2016, 05:13:57 PM »
Don't be surprised if he shows up again when you are least expecting it.  Both the bride and the groom seem really messed up.  The fact the flying monkey married him tells you she was never in it for the two of you.  She had him in HER sights.  My ex n/bpd has a little flying monkey also that was not in it for me.  I can't stand her to this day.  But part of me thinks she's just a hanger on, trying to get tidbits of affection or attention from him, and just as baffled by his bulls*** as I was.  Perhaps I should pity the fool.

I know what you mean about seeing others around us that seem so happy.  Things are rarely as they appear, and while the marriages might be strong, there are challenges in every relationship.  But having said that, I see 30/40 year marriages that I wonder "how are they still together?" and I couldn't make mine work.

It can all be very self deflating if we let it.  Today I am letting it.  Hopefully tomorrow I wont. 

Best wishes and love,
RG
- Rocket Girl

I will take my broken heart any day over his lack of one.

You don't have to be hit to be hurt.

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Scout

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Re: Need a Little Boost - Ex Boyfriend Got Married
« Reply #22 on: March 21, 2016, 07:02:29 PM »
When I was crying I did feel some anger for the way he pressured and pressured me to keep dating him when I was in such a bad place, and I kept telling him I wasn't ready, and then he wouldn't go away, and when he finally did he runs off and marries someone, and doesn't even tell me...and it kind of felt like a revenge marriage-- does that make sense?  Silly, but with a little time I'm seeing all sorts of cracks in the whole situation, and feeling really grateful it's not me trapped forever when I wasn't ready.

Revenge marriage is a thing! . . . My college ex was engaged 5 months after I left him.  (I hadn't wanted to get married so young, and I wasn't sure about kids either).  I had to hear it from friends, which was insulting, because I was not a scene-maker.

I really think that when certain folks are in a marriage mood, it's not always about a soulmate, it's about "I want to be Married.  What about you? Yeah? Okay."

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atticusfinch

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Re: Need a Little Boost - Ex Boyfriend Got Married
« Reply #23 on: March 23, 2016, 02:26:13 AM »
Thanks for your great replies!  With some space from the situation-- even just one day-- I feel so much better.  I can see the dysfunction for what it was and I'm so so glad that I'm not the one in it! (at the reception the new wife was telling me that he corrects her and calls her kids "our"-- meaning his too, even though they're not his-- kids...which is something he started to do with me even though we were only dating...and it freaked me out...she seemed a little bothered by it, which I can understand!  The possessiveness thing scared me....)  I've been working hard on myself lately and not dating, and it feels good.  The fulfillment I feel is helping me have no desire for men...which is good because I"m really not ready.
« Last Edit: March 23, 2016, 02:28:15 AM by atticusfinch »

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Rocket Girl

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Re: Need a Little Boost - Ex Boyfriend Got Married
« Reply #24 on: March 23, 2016, 02:47:38 PM »
That's just weird atticus.

My ex n/bpd had his flying monkey over to his house one day with her granddaughter (about 2 yo).  The little girl pitched a fit, and my ex bent down to her and told her "when you are at my house, I'm the Daddy, and you have to listen to me". 

That just perved me out.  Wasn't that a weird thing to say, or is it just me?
- Rocket Girl

I will take my broken heart any day over his lack of one.

You don't have to be hit to be hurt.