A Note of Encouragement

  • 10 Replies
  • 1579 Views
*

thistle

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • 727
A Note of Encouragement
« on: March 20, 2016, 06:11:52 PM »
Hi all. Long term NC'er here. Just want to impart that everything you can do for yourself to recover from having a disordered parent or parents and going NC is well worth it. Take care with yourself. Read everything you can. Take it slow, a person can only take in so much and these are difficult and often heart breaking issues to face. Do what you need to to ensure you have healthy relationships. It is easy to become involved with people who aren't good for us after we are raised not to have boundaries. Own your feelings. Be angry, sad if you need to, journal, cry, and most of all give yourself a break. Don't participate in what you were taught about yourself by disordered people. Refuse that. Learn everything you can about yourself and enjoy it. It can be done. There is a "you" and it is never too late. You're already so much stronger than you probably give yourself credit for.

*

flyingfree

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 473
Re: A Note of Encouragement
« Reply #1 on: March 20, 2016, 10:11:14 PM »
Thanks for your wisdom, thistle!

*

biggerfish

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • 1052
Re: A Note of Encouragement
« Reply #2 on: March 20, 2016, 11:08:17 PM »
This really spoke to me. For myself, recovery and NC go hand in hand. And there is a "me," just as you say. Thank you for this sweet message today, which I am taking to heart.

*

Merida

  • New Member
  • *
  • 1
Re: A Note of Encouragement
« Reply #3 on: March 21, 2016, 12:53:36 AM »
Thank you for the "hang in there baby!" message.  In my early days of no contact and the massive anxiety, doubts and worries about " what if's" your words of encouragement could not  have come at a better time for me.   I will be using your words as a source of inspiration for "there is a brighter day ahead". 

*

gettingstronger

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 453
Re: A Note of Encouragement
« Reply #4 on: March 21, 2016, 02:49:42 PM »
Thistle,

Thanks for the words of wisdom and encouragement.  Best wishes to you.
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...  It's about learning to dance in the rain. - Vivian Greene

*

thistle

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • 727
Re: A Note of Encouragement
« Reply #5 on: March 21, 2016, 06:52:26 PM »
I think in hindsight, back when I went NC- I had not even considered that my unBPD mother might be mentally ill. Kind of dumb considering her bizarre behavior. And her history of being a bully even as a kid.

So these days, there is so much more out there as far as reading, which helps immensely. There were no places like this site either when I went NC.

But most importantly, take good care of yourself in NC.

Going NC was probably the single most wise decision I ever made for myself.

It takes a lot of strength but you can do it.

*

redbird

  • New Member
  • *
  • 13
Re: A Note of Encouragement
« Reply #6 on: March 21, 2016, 09:46:01 PM »
Thanks Thistle.
 
I am #1 SG just beginning NC with elderly high-functioning (wealthy) uNPD dad, with enabler mom and with triangulated bro. Money is being used as tool for abuse. AND NOW, it seems, NC policy may need to apply to most of my extended FOO. The smear campaign has begun! Family is circling wagons around mom (the result of my recent frank - NOT hostile - discussion with her about the history of dad's brutal covert emotional abuse) and EVERYONE, not presently being targeted by dad, continues to deny his, once covert, and now overt abuse. Yours truly - the scapegoat - has been cut out of an inheritance and is being described as disrespectful, ungrateful, immature, overly sensitive, wallowing in self-pity, etc... I know it all sounds very soap-opera but, the abuse has been executed by a master of sadistic deceit and a true craftsman of emotional brutality. (near psychopathic NPD dad)

I wish there was some way to redirect the deluded talk or to get someone to snap out of the coma but, all of them have all taken the Blue Pill. So far, my strategy has been hands off. The offending family is a Tar Baby!..Very painful to helplessly watch the dark narrative's ugly unabated progression.

I have lots of therapy, recovery work and spiritual practice under my belt and, I know I'll find a path to peace and happiness. A part of my sanguine outlook comes from the boost of confidence I get from hearing successes of those. like you, who've gone before us.

OTF has been a very big help, so far.

Sincere thanks to you for being a part of it.
It takes a village.

*

footprint

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 413
Re: A Note of Encouragement
« Reply #7 on: March 22, 2016, 01:37:23 AM »
AND NOW, it seems, NC policy may need to apply to most of my extended FOO. The smear campaign has begun! Family is circling wagons around mom (the result of my recent frank - NOT hostile - discussion with her about the history of dad's brutal covert emotional abuse) and EVERYONE, not presently being targeted by dad, continues to deny his, once covert, and now overt abuse. Yours truly - the scapegoat - has been cut out of an inheritance and is being described as disrespectful, ungrateful, immature, overly sensitive, wallowing in self-pity, etc... I know it all sounds very soap-opera but, the abuse has been executed by a master of sadistic deceit and a true craftsman of emotional brutality. (near psychopathic NPD dad)

I wish there was some way to redirect the deluded talk or to get someone to snap out of the coma but, all of them have all taken the Blue Pill. So far, my strategy has been hands off. The offending family is a Tar Baby!..Very painful to helplessly watch the dark narrative's ugly unabated progression.

I can relate to this problem of watching the entire extended FOO turn its back, and it is painful.  It is so discouraging to see every last one of them either join NPD parents in throwing rocks at the SG, or turn cheeks and walk away.  After many years of trying to get any of them to listen, my word of advice would be to just bag it and not bother, move on and focus on finding new FOC.  From my experience, when it comes to NPD parents, there are usually other NPDs lurking in the extended FOO.  The family is more of a dysfunctional organism, and the dysfunction comes out loud and clear when the SG is brutalized and exiled from the family.

Big hugs,
footprint

*

redbird

  • New Member
  • *
  • 13
Re: A Note of Encouragement
« Reply #8 on: March 22, 2016, 08:12:38 PM »
Hello Footprint,

Your words are encouragement to hold fast against the temptation to see the family as having capacity for education, insight, or change of heart... and to move on.

Simple, but not easy.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Redbird
It takes a village.

*

anon72

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • 92
Re: A Note of Encouragement
« Reply #9 on: March 24, 2016, 08:33:37 AM »
Hi all. Long term NC'er here. Just want to impart that everything you can do for yourself to recover from having a disordered parent or parents and going NC is well worth it. Take care with yourself. Read everything you can. Take it slow, a person can only take in so much and these are difficult and often heart breaking issues to face. Do what you need to to ensure you have healthy relationships. It is easy to become involved with people who aren't good for us after we are raised not to have boundaries. Own your feelings. Be angry, sad if you need to, journal, cry, and most of all give yourself a break. Don't participate in what you were taught about yourself by disordered people. Refuse that. Learn everything you can about yourself and enjoy it. It can be done. There is a "you" and it is never too late. You're already so much stronger than you probably give yourself credit for.

OMG  :yeahthat:

Thank you so much for sharing this note of encouragement Thistle, it was very helpful!  Even though I have not gone NC, I could still relate to it (low LC only).

Cheers,
Anon72

*

thistle

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • 727
Re: A Note of Encouragement
« Reply #10 on: March 25, 2016, 01:38:32 AM »
It really helps to have some good reading material and journal. In that way you create a space for yourself. I have to admit I foolishly went back form NC once or twice and unBPD mother pulled out her bag of tricks and enDad went for it as he always does. So I vowed, never again and have stuck to it. It's hard but doable. Another important thing is work on your boundaries. The ones we were never raised to have.