eviction update

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Liftedfog

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eviction update
« on: March 22, 2016, 08:58:34 AM »
So after 20 days of him being evicted and homeless he asks police escort to house to gather some personal belongings. My anxiety was through the roof. I had to meet them there to unlock door and disarm alarm I put in.  Police were very supportive that I was doing the right thing for myself and children...cleaning up houyse to get as much as possible for the sale.  At one point, expdh wanted to speak to me.  He looked sleep deprived and an emotional wreck.  Kept saying he is noit mentally ill.  Asked if we were separated???? :stars:   I said yes, we've been living apart three years now!!! He accused me of making him
Bounce from shelter to shelter because I wouldn't take a very low offer to sell! The home when he was living init.he wanted it sold as is distress sale  looking like a hoiarders dump inside and let's not describe the outside that on top I have to deal
 With city who is taking me to court for contravening property standard bylaws.    Police encouraged me to keep on my focus that I was doing the right thing. In my heart and mind, I know I am.  But seeing him so broken as the father of my children has left me shaken up.

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openskyblue

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Re: eviction update
« Reply #1 on: March 22, 2016, 09:12:52 AM »
Liftedfog, I'm sorry that you had to encounter him at all.

I don't mean to be unfeeling or underestimate what you are going through, but I have to admit that I don't understand at this point (and everything he has done to you) why you let him guilt you this way.  Do you think he cares what he does to you or your kids?

It sounds like not even the police bought his drama, because that sounds like what is is -- drama to pull at your heart and to make you doubt yourself and take him back , so he'll have someone who will take care of him.  He may be the father of your kids, but at this point, that's just biology. He certainly isn't behaving like a father or supporting children, taking care of his family, or making sure his kids learn all those little and big things they need to know to be happy, productive adults. He's doing the opposite -- being a drain, exhibiting nothing but dysfunction and dependency.  And he's not being a partner in any way to you as a wife or mother.

I urge you -- please stop giving such a hoot what happens to him.  There comes a point where you just can't save a person, and he seems well past that point.  Pouring any more of your energy or concern into him is like pouring your soul into a puddle of dirty rainwater.

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Liftedfog

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Re: eviction update
« Reply #2 on: March 22, 2016, 09:27:54 AM »
Thank you Open..  My heart is so soft and a real target for dysfunctional people.    Hearing your words have made me stronger this morning....  What would I do without the support and love from people like you on this board???
Thank you and wishing you peace on your own journey.  God bless you.

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Sunny

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Re: eviction update
« Reply #3 on: March 22, 2016, 01:00:48 PM »
Hi Liftedfog, you are doing a very brave and courageous thing, standing up for yourself and kids. Fortunately you have also protected them from the hoarding, the guild tripping, and the property damage to your home, which belongs to them too...sending you strength and encouragement.  (((Sunny)))

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waking up

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Re: eviction update
« Reply #4 on: March 22, 2016, 03:55:57 PM »
Lifted fog
So sorry to hear about all the trouble he is putting you and your kids through.....what a mess!  I can only imagine how hard it was to see him there looking and acting so pathetically.  I know how that would tug at your heartstrings.  But the thing to remember is that  you need to do what is best for you and the kids.  You have tried to help him, others have tried to help him, and he refuses their help.  It's his choice, and you can't force him to change.  You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink......

 :bighug:

Keep us updated and STAY STRONG!

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openskyblue

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Re: eviction update
« Reply #5 on: March 22, 2016, 10:34:00 PM »
 :bighug:

I'm glad what I wrote helped you feel stronger.  I was a little worried I was too harsh.

I really know how hard it is to realize you can't save them and to move on.  It is only now that I don't find myself thinking about my stbx NPD husband throughout the day. It was this incessant, invasive tape loop -- and so frustrating!  I'd finally gotten myself out, but he was still in my head. It's going to be awhile before I banish those thoughts completely.

I read something about giving your fear space and attention, and that really helped. I realized that rather than let my own scared, worried, hyper vigilant self have some loving attention, I was still focussing on my stbx.  Sometimes, I put my hand on my heart and just say to myself, "I'm listening."  I nearly always then feel calmer.  I can have fear, but still have a lot of room for the other parts of me.

I think with PD's like our husbands, we have been caretakers so long that it's really hard to break that habit -- even when we desperately want to do so.  I tell my kids, when they are in a hopeless conflict with someone, "the best way to end a game of tug of war is to simply put down your end of the rope."  I wish I could do that better myself!

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hhaw

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Re: eviction update
« Reply #6 on: March 23, 2016, 05:59:07 PM »
LF:

Just keep heading toward the exit door.  You have to make big changes, and get your finances on track... part of that is getting the house ready to sell, and putting it on the market. 

It's for your children you do this.  It's also for your stbx.  What good does it do him to let the house fall farther into disrepair with the City breathing down your neck?  It does no one any good, and so you keep moving in the right direction.

Agreed, it doesn't feel good, but it would be a mistake to expect any decision before you right now WILL feel good.  They're all going to feel bad, IME.  Theyr'e all going to be the lesser evil, and the pd is in no shape to call the shots, or make decisions.  You know that.

You have to be the lucid realist.  You have to make these hard decisions.  You'll do better to make peace with that reality, but sometimes we just can't and so we suffer over and over again.

hhaw
hhaw



What you are speaks so loudly in my ears.... I can't hear a word you're saying.

When someone tells you who they are... believe them.

"That which does not kill us, makes us stronger."
Nietchzsche

"It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness."
Eleanor Roosevelt