Still living under the same roof as my NDH

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Patgirl84

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Still living under the same roof as my NDH
« on: March 22, 2016, 02:40:08 PM »
Is anyone still living under the roof as their NDH..... We've been together for 23 years and have 3 children. One out of the house and the others are 17, and 8. They all say I should leave him over and over, even though he's their father. They all have seen a lot... To much.... I'm now in the room with my son. I've been in there for a month now. My NDH is trying to manipulate me like he's always done in the past, but I want a divorce.... He has everyone thinking I just want to go be in the world because I don't know anyone else ....... But he wrong..... I've tried to love him the way he wants me too but it's never good enough, or he adds more tasks. I do work and make pretty good... But everything is expensive and I'm scared of failing ........ I don't want to ask my family because when they have helped over the years I always come back...... I'm really still there to find somewhere safe and affordable for me..... I don't how child support works.. Or when I could get it.... Has anyone lives like this..... And if so how long and what was the outcome.... When did you finally leave.....

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Sunny

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Re: Still living under the same roof as my NDH
« Reply #1 on: March 22, 2016, 04:02:45 PM »
Yes Dearpatgirl84, done it too!! Lived with stbexNh for a year after a physical incident in which he punctured my skin, then denied he did it. And had called me evil names and made degrading remarks about me.

I didn't have a fulltime job, had no money of my own, and he had been also making mental health claims about me that made me feel I might not be able to be with my kids (15 and 17 then).

I got stronger over the next 10 mons, started a new job, put away cash from withdrawls in a drawer to eventually retain my lawyer, checked my credit report, and began making copies of everything--deed to our house, insurance cards, etc.

You are at the threshhold, and if you feel unsafe, you may want to leave sooner rather than later. We can't give advice about that. However there are tabs on this site for Safety Planning and preparing to leave which you might find helpful (sorry not sure how to reproduce links). You can gradually build up the strength and support you will need.

I have gone back too in the past, and I feel that my true friends and close family were my cheerleaders and although confused by my circling back around, also understood at some level my struggle.

So glad you found OOTF!! Welcome, Sunny