I need a push

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unicorn

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I need a push
« on: March 22, 2016, 04:49:13 PM »
I know what needs to be done.  I know I can't stay in this marriage, its not good for me or the kids (even though they don't understand). But now that I am finally coming down to gathering up all the money for the attorney's retainer and actually signing the agreement, giving up the financial documents.  It is scaring me. I feel stuck, almost as though I just can't push through and finish this.  I am also so overwhelmed, between my job, school, the kids, the house work, grocery shopping, keeping up with my (wonderful) circle of friends, I find that I am having a hard time keeping up with everything.  I think once all the dust settles I may hire a cleaning lady and at least get that task off my shoulders. And as someone else posted yesterday. I am so tired. So so tired.  I used to get only a couple hours of sleep, exercise at least every other day and now everything has slowed for me.  I just can't hack it right now.  I'm trying to not be hard on myself, but I also want some sort of normalcy and routine to come back into my life. I feel like I'm juggling and not holding onto any of the balls.

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Onwards

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Re: I need a push
« Reply #1 on: March 22, 2016, 05:58:09 PM »
Unicorn, please be gentle with yourself and don't underestimate the immense amount of energy it takes to extricate yourself from a PD relationship while still trying to manage 'normal' life. I have also been feeling beyond exhausted lately and feeling scared that I'm not coping very well with things. I've decided that actually I am coping AND I'm very tired and that's ok. I am not going to push myself beyond what I can do right now and if that means going back to bed when my son is at nursery or just taking it easy and not accomplishing very much in a day, that's fine.

We are natural caretakers of everyone else - turn that attention to yourself and try not to feel guilty for it. Your kids need a healthy, happy mum and you're doing great.
Keep going...Onwards!  :)

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Sunny

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Re: I need a push
« Reply #2 on: March 22, 2016, 06:10:40 PM »
I second Onwards! Yes it's very challenging and takes some time. I definitely spent less time on housework and with friends and have been less "present" at work. Maybe exercise once a week. I feel that sleep is very important for me. Try to identify what is important for you and hold onto that!! (((Sunny)))

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RunningFree

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Re: I need a push
« Reply #3 on: March 22, 2016, 06:27:17 PM »
You can do it unicorn - you've probably done the hardest parts already.  I've been in that state a few times over the last several years.  One thing I learned is that paying complete attention to all those things isn't as critical as I thought.  Sometimes when you drop a ball, someone else grabs it.  And sometimes it just bounces and you pick it up and keep going.  We all want everything to go smoothly, especially for those around us that we care about, but sometimes things get messy.
Figure out which are the most critical and let some of the others slide a bit and see what happens.  I suspect it won't be as bad as you think it will.
With time, you'll figure out a new rhythm and things will get better.
Hang in there.
-RF
When going through Hell, keep going.

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healingnow

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Re: I need a push
« Reply #4 on: March 23, 2016, 11:00:07 AM »
Hi Unicorn,
I'm sending you lots of support to push through this.   I'm getting ready to do what you are doing, and I feel like my mind and body is going 100 miles per hr.   Sometimes I have to force myself to just grab a water and sit down.    Good for you for thinking of hiring a cleaning lady!!   We have to remind ourselves that this is only temporary discomfort.   Everything will get better and we will get back to normalcy once this process is finished.  Take good care of yourself and kids and keep posting.  :bighug:

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unicorn

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Re: I need a push
« Reply #5 on: March 26, 2016, 10:55:01 PM »
Thanks for all the responses guys! I have had no contact with him for several days due to the kids being out of school and staying just with me. So I have been feeling slightly better. Also I decided to stop taking my anti depressants altogether after having some complications with the one I was one.  My doc told me to just stop and come back in to talk to him next week.  I think I'll tell him that I just want to see how I cope on my own at this point since i am feeling better.

I took a four day week with my kids.  It has been nice and relaxing and I have even been able to finish up some projects that have been weighing on me.  So one day at a time and I think I'm getting there.

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InTheDarkness

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Re: I need a push
« Reply #6 on: March 27, 2016, 12:19:25 AM »
I can understand the perspective of women who are working, have children to care for and dealing with disengaging and divorcing or separating.  My uBPDw and I are older and never had children but i do feel the exhaustion of an emotionally challenging and stressful marriage for which I'm now seeking legal counsel in order to challenge the prenup.  She has all the money and I'm the indentured servant due to being disabled from bipolar illness.

I, too, wonder how complicated this legal challenge will turn out to be.  I'll know in a few weeks.  Winston Churchill's words were spot on: "When you're going through hell, keep on going."  I wish us all better days.

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Hoolio

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Re: I need a push
« Reply #7 on: March 27, 2016, 09:54:44 AM »
keep up the good fight!  :like:
I am an ex husband of uBPD wife. Co parenting 2 children. Good luck to us all here!  Glad to be OOTF and rebuilding my life!

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hhaw

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Re: I need a push
« Reply #8 on: March 27, 2016, 02:02:22 PM »
Ask for help from your advocates and supporters, unicorn.

It's OK to ask for help. 

If you do something with self care every day.... it also helps.  It helps down the road if parental fitness evals are called for.  It helps you feel better, and think more clearly, and it feeds your stamina, and energy levels.

We also shut down when we feel at the mercy of, and without control.  Collecting evidence, nad organizing it helps us feel empowered, and capable,  IME.

Getting help with house cleaning is probably a good idea, even if y ou have friends over to have a couple  hours house cleaning session together..... fellowship and a clean house.  DOUBLE SCORE.

Keep your wise pragmatic friends close, and ask them to help you stay level.  They will.  People will surprise you... there are kind folks who do the right thing, bc that's their spirit.

Ask for help.   Don't get discouraged if you get negative responses the first time or two.  I certainly did, and I wish I'd asked different people for emotional support.  I see very clearly where I went wrong, and how I could have helped myself, but failed.
hhaw
hhaw



What you are speaks so loudly in my ears.... I can't hear a word you're saying.

When someone tells you who they are... believe them.

"That which does not kill us, makes us stronger."
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"It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness."
Eleanor Roosevelt