Nm visit

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starshine23

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Nm visit
« on: March 25, 2016, 07:26:49 PM »
Nm is visiting for the week.So I am currently lying down with a back spasm. I had bronchitis for 3 weeks, and now this. I have 2 small children. Nm is currently angry with me because I couldn't open the flowers she sent me because I am in extreme pain... I have been trying to smile and push through, but I am just physically exhausted. I wish I could rest now, but I know she is angry with me. I don't think she realizes how hard I'm trying to be a good hostess and mother while also recovering from being sick. It doesn't matter though. No matter what I do it won't be enough. she will tell all her friends and family about what a bad daughter I am. How her daughter who can barely walk down the hall because of pain doesn't even have the decency to open the her flowers... She really thinks that everyone should wait on her hand and foot and buy everything for her. She was miffed today at the grocery store when I didn't offer to buy her mascara... No matter what I do, it will never be enough
It takes strength to be a good person.  That's why the biggest bullies are truly the weakest cowards.

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practical

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Re: Nm visit
« Reply #1 on: March 25, 2016, 10:32:04 PM »
I'm really sorry you are feeling so poorly.  :bighug:

I wish I could rest now, but I know she is angry with me.

What will happen if you do rest? Try to remember you are an adult now, she is at your house, so what is the worst she can do? I know this might sound totally crazy, try to think of yourself no longer as her child but as the adult you are with your own FOC. Try to set some boundaries with her, starting with resting so you can recover and hopeful feel better soon. After all with all your efforts it does not seem you can make your M happy, so why not try to switch gears and take care of yourself? Put yourself first? I know trying to make our M's happy is deeply ingrained (at least it was for me), but as it is so clearly not working and she is going to complain about you not being a good hostess either way, why not choose the way that takes care of you at least?
If Im not towards myself, who is towards myself? And when Im only towards myself, what am I? And if not now, when? (Rabbi Hillel)

"I can forgive, but I cannot afford to forget." (Moglow)

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daughter

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Re: Nm visit
« Reply #2 on: March 26, 2016, 01:00:24 PM »
"But mom, I thought you could help me - as you can see, I'm not well this week" - try that sentence for size, and think about "wearing it".  And stop worrying about her friends' opinion, be that as it may, regarding your "good daughter" nature or not.  Remind her that you've just recovered from bronchitis, have significant back pain, grab a hot water bottle, and suggest some "grandmother-grandchild" time. 

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Orangeblossom77

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Re: Nm visit
« Reply #3 on: March 29, 2016, 09:18:17 AM »
I feel for you. I too am ill, with Shingles. Mine won't postpone her visit. I also have children, no way she would be a help. Kind thoughts.