8 days of seperation.

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LilyMarlene

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8 days of seperation.
« on: March 26, 2016, 08:37:08 PM »
I posted this on The Welcome Mat, before realizing it may be more on-topic here.  8 days post break-up.  After just 6 months, I saw through his manipulation and ended it.  (For the whole story, read Public Humiliation/Blackmail in that heading of the Welcome Mat)   In response to me ending it, he smeared me on social media.  It was humiliating for me, and his false accusations (VERY loosely based on actual facts) led to tremendous embarrassment for me, professionally and personally.

I made the mistake of engaging him (to express my humiliation, anger and sadness) in the days following our breakup.  But when I realized that it only ended in a continuous loop of convincing/ accusing/blaming/ diverting/denial/discounting...All of which truly ratcheted up my anger and stress...I gave up and asked that we "agree to disagree" on our individual issues and our relationship problems.  We went no-contact for a few days.  And then he resurfaced.  He wasn't sorry (rarely admits that) but rather bombarded me with pics taken in better times, memes (via text) that expressed his pain and loneliness.  He said he just "needed someone to talk to" and I tried to respond to his texts with compassion "I know you're hurting, I am too" and steadfastness "No, we can't continue seeing each other." 

One night, after a few texts during the day, I went to bed...In 3 hrs, I received 9 texts....ranging from "An 'I-don't-want-to-respond reply is better than none at all!" to a pic of him wearing a shirt I'd given him, to pics of us together in better times, and finally culminating in "Ok I'll stop, it's late" and lastly a  "Glad you're over me" text.   In the morning, he told me some absurd (made up ?) story about how he went to bed at 9, woke up at 11 two hrs later, thought he'd missed work and how all the texts after 11 pm, were just his confusion about the time?!?!  I don't want to even touch that crazy-making.

The next day he sent a text that was clearly an overture...an "I'm getting aroused" text...I shot that sh*t down immediately, telling him we would not be friends with benefits. 

Later that day, he asked if I just wanted to just run away with him.  (B/c I'd told him previously that, after the public humiliation he'd put me through on social media, there was NO going back.)

More "I miss you, everything I think makes me think of you" texts over the following day. "Tell me you slept with someone else," he said, "Tell me if I died you wouldn't come to my funeral."  I said I couldn't say those things, but that what I could say was that we could NOT try again.  That's when the "I'm hurting, just need someone to talk to" texts came. 

I reminded him that we had an UNHEALTHY relationship.  Reminded him that he felt, for reasons that had no basis in reality, he felt he couldnt' trust me.  And that I couldn't stand his passive-aggeressiveness, and the games.  I told him I missed him, loved him, but couldn't be with him.

Next day: Wanna come over later?  OMG!!! arrrgh.Asked me if I was having a secret romance.  More pics of us in better days, pics of things he'd found that belonged to me, while cleaning house.  Began talking about how he grieved for the future.  I told him that I believed that was natural, and part of the break-up process.  Told him I was hurting too.  Asked me why I blocked him on FB...(I told him the truth, that after he publicly smeared me, I could not trust him, and did not want to know what he was up to, or have him see that little "green dot" that shows that I'm online.) 

Fast forward to Friday....(last night) He asked if he could text me later, if he "needed someone"  I told him I wasn't feeling well (truth) and was going to nap for a bit.  He said he hoped I'd feel better.  Two hours later, he texted and asked if I was still sleeping.  I was, so I didn't respond.  Fifteen minutes later: "You're probably going  out and just said you were sick/tired."  More texts (crying emotes...let me add that we are 36 and 42 years old). 

I woke up...texted and told him I'd just woken up (stupid, I know...I hate to be accused of lying, though.  And he knows that.)

He said "Mmmmhmmmm" and said 3 hrs was a long nap.  Asked if I was feeling better.

I never read his texts, instead drifted off to sleep again. 

More texts from him, "Guess you're not feeling better."

Woke up at 3:30 am on the couch.  Told him I'd fallen back asleep.  "Yeah, whatever," he said.

Texted me again in the morning "HAve any coffee? " he asks.  (Whaaaat??)  Then "sorry you're prob still sleeping"  to which I reply "Yeah, I just woke up."

THEN....HERE's the KICKER.  He casually says "Oh?  Valium?"  Okay, so Sunny, this pertains to your comment about making accusations about mental health.  This man found an Rx for Valium and Lexapro from FIVE years ago in my medicine cabinet.  (I sought help during a difficult time in my life, but it was totally situational, and I have since gone off the meds and have ZERO issues) He took a picture of the meds, lined up on the counter, the night I broke up with him and told him to leave my house.  He texted the pic to me as a threat, and urged me to "Get Help" because clearly I was "off my meds"

At NO point in our relationship did I ever have an Rx for anything.  Nor did I need it.  The day I put my cat to sleep, I did take a half of a valium that I'd had from long ago.  Prior to that, I haven't felt the need to take anything at all, in 5 years.

When I expressed my disgust and total bewilderment that he'd asked me if I'd taken a valium, his response was "Just an innocent question.  Not sure why you're so upset and defensive about it.  I just asked, because....who sleeps for 11 hours??"  (to which I responded "Umm...Someone who is getting SICK.  That's who."  I told him it was NONE of his business what i did with my Friday night...or for how long I did it.  His response" SMH" (shaking my head)  OMG  He is going to drive me to be crazy, I swear.

Nevermind that he told the entire FB community that I was crazy (Oh, but he thought better of it after 12 hrs, and removed he post...he's SURE not that many people saw it. )  He can't imagine why asking me if I had taken a valium would offend me.  (As an aside, I have zero problem with those who are taking prescribed medications.  I know many BEAUTIFUL, SMART, high-functioning people who just need a little help to cope and stabilize, be it permanently or situationally after a break-up, loss, or job/family stress.  And I do NOT stigmatize it.  My issue is him stigmatizing me, for getting help ONE time in my life when I felt I needed it, in order to function as an adult.  You know, rather than drinking and doing drugs or losing my job....Yep, call me crazy.)

He basically minimized and trivialized everything, told me that my world totally revolves around me, cause you know, I didn't text him when I was sleeping for 11 hrs. 

I told him I was done with the conversation, done with the nonsense. 

Since then, he has sent me several music videos which profess his undying love...and asked me to go out for a beer with him. 

HELP.  I'm going to become exactly what he says I am, if I don't learn how to cope with his crazy-making.

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Sunny

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Re: 8 days of seperation.
« Reply #1 on: March 26, 2016, 09:05:34 PM »
Oh yikes!!! I know others will echo this, but block his number!!! He is haunting you!  I know in my divorce the PDSO can turn on a dime from sweet to mean; if he no longer is your BF, you can shut him down, or at least establish a boundary of "don't call me, I'll call YOU!"

Isn't it interesting....you are sick...never asks how you feel, but only if you took a sedative you haven't been on for FIVE YEARS (another effort to make you seem to have mental health issues you don't have), ask if you were lying and going out (you were not, and he's accusing you of lying!!),  and never asks how you feel!!! No, he's onky concerned that you haven't returned his texts. It's all about HIM!!

Well, I for one hope you feel better and get lots of rest  :zzz:
--Sunny
PS you reminded me of another of my stbexh's fave lines, with fake concern: "Sunny...I just have one question...are you off your meds??"   :barfy:

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closure_with_clarity

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Re: 8 days of seperation.
« Reply #2 on: March 26, 2016, 09:40:34 PM »
HELP.  I'm going to become exactly what he says I am, if I don't learn how to cope with his crazy-making.

I'd like to ask why you are still engaging with this man? Is it out of fear that he'll publicly slander/shame/humiliate you again? If fear is what is keeping you in engaged and responding, then you're allowing yourself to fall prey to his toxic tactics. He knows he seriously got to you with that FB shaming stunt and is now using the threat that he'll do it again, unless you abide by his rules.

You need to just drop the rope, walk away, and not play his mental tug of war game. Perhaps even block his cell number and stop receiving the excessive manipulative texts from him.  Can you truly see yourself being friends with this man; a guy that destroys trust, lies and shames you on FB, and implies you have mental health problems and are on meds???????????

With friends like this, who needs enemies???

He has shown you that he's toxic to your being. Every time you text him back, you're allowing him to rent space in your head. And, doing what he desires...intimidating/threatening you into submission and giving him another chance.

I'm going to attach a few definitions that I think you'll find enlightening and helpful to your situation.

1. http://outofthefog.website/what-not-to-do-1/2015/12/3/thought-policing

2. http://outofthefog.website/what-to-do-2/2015/12/3/boundaries

3. http://outofthefog.website/what-not-to-do-1/2015/12/3/circular-conversations









Let go of the people that dull your shine. Poison your spirit. And bring you drama. Cancel your subscription to their issues.  :)

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Liftedfog

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Re: 8 days of seperation.
« Reply #3 on: March 26, 2016, 10:42:30 PM »
The way I see it is that lots of normal healthy nons break up every day.  These people don't stoop to social media bashing. So when this happens it is a sure sign the relationship is over with a PD.  Best to go NC and block completely.  Helps to heal, focus, and stay sane.

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hhaw

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Re: 8 days of seperation.
« Reply #4 on: March 26, 2016, 11:17:30 PM »
My advice is to delete your social media accounts, and stop talking with the pd, texting with the pd, or reading his e  mails until you;re in a good place, and can do so without getting triggered.

He's going to flip and flop like mad, which is maddening FOR us, so limit contact, or go no contact at all better still.

He'll find someone else if you stop giving him the attention he depends on from you.

Just get out, expect ker a z from him, and stop being knocked down by it if you can.

hhaw
hhaw



What you are speaks so loudly in my ears.... I can't hear a word you're saying.

When someone tells you who they are... believe them.

"That which does not kill us, makes us stronger."
Nietchzsche

"It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness."
Eleanor Roosevelt

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HopefulOne44

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Re: 8 days of seperation.
« Reply #5 on: March 27, 2016, 11:26:35 PM »
Oh good heaven, LilyMarlene!  ~ I can sooooo relate to all the crazy making statements and tactics!!

And the paranoia about cheating (H accusing me when I've never been - even emotionally - unfaithful).

The paranoia and crazymaking behavior is truly confounding & painfully frustrating! ... I'm sure you felt like you were talking to a wall at times.... But wait - a wall would make more SENSE! LOL!!!!! 😁

OMG, I just shook my head and shuttered a bit when I read about the "I'm getting aroused" text... I experienced several such comments while uBPD/Nh and I were laying in bed DISCUSSING THE SEPARATION we'd decided on (that I initiated).

He'd turn on the charm and say funny things, completely disregarding the seriousness of the situation and the matter at hand.  Of course his tone and comments turned nasty, once he realized I was still set on separating.  Laughing and sweet to insane rager in 0.3 seconds.  Sigh........

We had since reconciled (if you want to call it that) and as soon as we started having the same (but toned down) issues - a week.5 later, I started secretly prepping in earnest for eventual divorce & have continued doing so for almost a year since then. 

This Easter (well yesterday and today) was yet another in a string of experiences that continue to affirm my decision to prepare for divorce.

Anywayyyy....

The whole meds thing is a low blow - geez. *rolling eyes*...

Hope the photo caught the dates on the bottles.  😊

And who hasn't taken one or both of those meds - or something akin to them - at some point in their life??   Is that something to be ashamed of -no! 

I got news for you buddy (your SO) - EVERYONE has issues or one kind or another.  Welcome to the human race, LOL!

Sounds like you have a good strong head on your shoulders, LilyMarlene.  And I love the sassiness that I sense in your post.  😁 You caught on quickly to his manipulations so kudos!  Now it's time to go full NC (no contact) and take a hiatus - or permanent vacation - from all social media and activities, if you've not already done so!

(((hugs))))..Best wishes in your endeavor to make the best of things post-drama. 💜

H144🌼

« Last Edit: March 27, 2016, 11:33:00 PM by HopefulOne44 »

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LilyMarlene

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Re: 8 days of seperation.
« Reply #6 on: March 28, 2016, 01:50:37 PM »
What would I do without this forum, to keep me sane and grounded?  It is reading these responses that validates me in those times when he puts everything on me, and calls me crazy, and tries to make me think I'm imagining things.  These replies mean more to me than you know.  I have followed up on every link that is posted...I'm truly educating myself.

He is unfriended and blocked on FB.  I truly hesitate to take a hiatus from FB, just because the socialization it provides truly helps me to move on with my life, and stay distracted.

So I totally FORGOT that he was on Instagram.  He joined when we were together (after finding out that I had an account), and never posted anything or commented on anything I post.  I used it infrequently, myself.  But Saturday, I posted a pic of myself, with a quote about peace, and moving on.  NEVER even crossed my mind that he had access to Instagram.  He posted a snarky comment ("nice") on my post, THEN when I clicked on him to block him, I saw he posted a pic of himself, using my quote.   UGH.

He texted when he found out I'd blocked him.  I KNOW, I SHOULD NOT ENGAGE.  I'm working on it!  Yes, I know I'm stupid for doing this.  I told him that yes, I'd blocked him from Insta because he could not be trusted to be an adult.  Iacknowledged that I had no intention of fanning the flames with that post, that I was sorry if it stung, but Isimply forgotten that he had insta.  I called him out on his immature behavior, and said it was better this way (blocked.) 

His reply was a tyical "Who? Me?"  response.  "I only said 'Nice,' he said.  "I wasn't being snarky."  Furthermore, he tried to tell me, "We have no common friends so nobody could see I was using your quote or reacting to you.  That post was clearly written FOR YOU...and besides, I changed the words slightly so as to tell you that I was not moving on."  So, basically, his passive-aggressive post was a GIFT--a message for me that I was taking all wrong--and his intentions were nothing but honorable.

I told him I'm not playing this game.  "Just stop," was my last words to him, when he started again trying to explain how totally innocent his reaction on Insta was.  (To which, he replied "Done.")  Let's hope so.

I haven't been able to block his phone number yet...I will have to figure out how to do that with my carrier. 


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Deb2

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Re: 8 days of seperation.
« Reply #7 on: March 28, 2016, 03:40:59 PM »
With some cellular carriers, if you have an online account, you can block numbers. I know this is true with Verizon and Sprint. Probably AT & T and T Mobile also. That would save you from a call to customer care. ;) I know with Verizon, the online block is for 3 months so you would have to redo it. Unless he moved on and found another target.

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LilyMarlene

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Re: 8 days of seperation.
« Reply #8 on: March 28, 2016, 07:04:36 PM »
Deb2: You are right.  Accessing your account online, I've found, will allow you to block a number. 

I hesitate to do this now, ONLY b/c I want some of my stuff back  Foolishly, perhaps, I believe that I can accomplish this with a single text.  I'm waiting now for a day when the forecast is sunny, so that I can coordinate him leaving my stuff on his back porch....where I can retrieve it, and also leave for him the stuff I have put in a plastic tub.

I have little in terms of able-bodied support.  But am considering swallowing my pride and asking a busy, but able-bodied friend to take over this aspect for me, so that I can block his number.  I truly hate to burden anyone... It sucks.

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Scout

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Re: 8 days of seperation.
« Reply #9 on: March 28, 2016, 07:40:33 PM »
Deb2: You are right.  Accessing your account online, I've found, will allow you to block a number. 

I hesitate to do this now, ONLY b/c I want some of my stuff back  Foolishly, perhaps, I believe that I can accomplish this with a single text.  I'm waiting now for a day when the forecast is sunny, so that I can coordinate him leaving my stuff on his back porch....where I can retrieve it, and also leave for him the stuff I have put in a plastic tub.

I have little in terms of able-bodied support.  But am considering swallowing my pride and asking a busy, but able-bodied friend to take over this aspect for me, so that I can block his number.  I truly hate to burden anyone... It sucks.

If it is physically safe for your friend to do so and he doesn't live 100 miles away, it's almost certainly not a burden, it's a relief to be able to help a friend who has suffered.  So many times it's difficult to do something for someone in the middle of a bad break-up, besides listen and provide distraction.  It can feel pretty helpless.   Making a swap of possessions is a concrete thing a friend can do for you.   I would encourage you 1) to do it, and to 2) not feel badly about it

Your ex will say anything to get your attention and keep the conversation going . . . I'm glad you're blocking him.

(If he texts you 20 times and you reply only once, to him--that is success.  He learns that the cost of your attention is 20 texts.  Easily done!)

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LilyMarlene

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Re: 8 days of seperation.
« Reply #10 on: March 28, 2016, 07:56:42 PM »
Since writing the last post, I have recruited my friend to drop off/pick up my possessions.  She is a very busy woman who balances a very high-demand career and a family.  Naturally, I felt very guilty asking her to do this, but she said she was more than happy to do so 

Texted ex (didn't telll him I was blocking his #), asked him to please ready my things and leave them out so she can pick them up and drop off what's his.  I expect not to hear from him until "the witching hour"...but once he can assure me he will do so, I will block him from my phone, now that I've figured out how to do it. 

I don't like to rely on people--especially my friends who do not know (or remember) what it's like to be in a destructive relationship.  But I had no other choice, as she lives close and can physically transport our things.  Eager to put this step behind me.

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Scout

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Re: 8 days of seperation.
« Reply #11 on: March 28, 2016, 08:04:09 PM »
Well done! . . . I hope it goes well. 

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LilyMarlene

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Re: 8 days of seperation.
« Reply #12 on: March 29, 2016, 09:57:16 PM »
Update:  As I suspected, it really didn't go well telling him that my friend would drop off his things.  He told me to throw them out...but they are large things, so I said "We'll let you do that."  His response? (paraphrasing here)
- questioned my use of "we" as a pronoun
-Commented about how quickly I was moving on and erasing him from my life.

then....a lull in texts....and then a (wait for it....) "Just kidding."  (eye roll)

I stuck to the subject,, telling him to please just leave my stuff out so my friend could pick up.

His response: middle finger emoticon.

He went on to text about how he was watching documentaries on health.  Thinking of how he'll have nobody to share them with.  (This is absurd, because during our whole relationship, he was drinking beer and eating fast food, while I was eating clean and running.)  This was NOT something we shared together, and just a flimsy form of bargaining.  Not that he'd ever admit that.

When I didn't respond, he pulled out a new excuse.  One I hadn't heard before...He said that he had played second fiddle to someone in my past, and that I should have never jumped into a relatonship with him, because I wasn't over my last one.  You could have knocked me over with a feather.  While I was only 3 months post-breakup w/my ex when I met this guy, he was TWO WEEKS post breakup!  And anyone who knows me, knows I have ZERO feelings for my previous ex. 

I caved.  I'm an idiot.  The accusation was so ridiculous, that I tipped my hand and expressed my total incredulation.  Along with that, I ATTEMPTED to express that he was in total denial...that there was nobody else, it really was his paranoid, dependent, manipulative behavior that caused me to leave.  I told him that he was in denial.  Naturally, none of these things even gave him ONE pause for thought.

The next text was a threat:  It said he has papers, texts, pics, videos...that differ.  (?!?!?)   Then he attached a picture that he must have found on my computer...the pic is of my prior ex and HIS prior ex GF.  It is ages old, and I had saved the pic from her social media, when we were trying to prove that she still owned a car that he had co-signed on, and on which she'd fallen behind on payments.  Apparently, current ex BF thought this pic was of prior ex BF and his CURRENT GF, b/c the caption beneath it was "Look how happy!". He believes I was stalking my prior ex (who, by the way, isn't even on social media and for whom I have no ill will, nor interest in).  Then he referenced a journal entry that he'd snooped on (something I'd written while getting over my prior ex)  I just looked.  That journal is missing.

The video he refers to, I think, was one he took when we were fighting and he was blocking his door, and I was crying and calling him names, trying to get him to let me leave.  I was desperate, and it was clear in that video.  He had once sent that video to me, as a threat. 

As I've mentioned in previous posts...this man has called me crazy, and already went public on social media, with a pic he'd taken of my 5 yr old prescription bottles for anti-anxiety/ anti-depression meds, saying I was clearly unstable and off my meds, and he tried to help me but couldn't.   He will NOT stop there.  And his threatening text was a warning of what's to come.

I didn't engage in defending myself, which was REALLY, REALLY hard.  I told him I was going to block him, and he can believe whatever he wants to believe about me.

Before I went to bed, there was a loooooong text telling me that we are both good people with pure hearts, and he wishes me the best and doesn't want to end on a sour note.  I didn't respond.

This morning, another text...asking me if I got the previous one or if I'd blocked him.

I was SO ready to block his number.  Now I'm afraid that doing so will mean that I will miss a warning that he is on his way over, or that he's about to post something about me on social media ...Anyone experience this before?  My need to not be in the dark is preventing me from blocking him off of the one last avenue he has, with which to threaten me.  I know this doesn't make rational sense.







« Last Edit: March 29, 2016, 10:17:12 PM by LilyMarlene »

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Rocket Girl

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Re: 8 days of seperation.
« Reply #13 on: March 29, 2016, 10:14:41 PM »
Let him go, sweetie.  He is holding stuff over your head and he won't stop.  Let him know you just don't care anymore by going no contact.  If he is able to taint your image online, then what kind of friends were they to begin with that believe that stuff?  Social media is a monster of it's own when used by bad people.

For the PD, it's all about control.  If you don't give him that control, you are the big winner.  Plus, it will allow you to move on and away from him eventually.  It's called Out of the FOG for a reason.

Be strong and love yourself.  Someone that really loved you wouldn't be trying to put you through this stuff.  I know, been there and done that.

I have found that sometimes we have to listen to others that care about us because we just are not thinking clearly.
- Rocket Girl

I will take my broken heart any day over his lack of one.

You don't have to be hit to be hurt.

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LilyMarlene

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Re: 8 days of seperation.
« Reply #14 on: March 29, 2016, 10:23:57 PM »
I know that by allowing myself to feel threatened, I am letting him win.   :(

I told a friend the other day...It's like he's re-writing the story, posthumously,  and after my character dies , in the last chapter he introduces this new character, and it's like "What??? Who's SHE?" Where was she in this whole story? Wait, who's Off-her-meds-and-stuck-on-her-ex girl? 

Wait?  That's ME?  You're re-naming my character???



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blackberry wine

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Re: 8 days of seperation.
« Reply #15 on: March 29, 2016, 10:27:43 PM »
The people that really know you won't be convinced. You will be rewriting your own story.

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hhaw

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Re: 8 days of seperation.
« Reply #16 on: March 30, 2016, 01:09:19 AM »
Good God, he's having a delightful time jerking your chain, and watching you twitch.

Blech.

Rise up.  Stop responding to him.  It makes you look even less stable than him when you do, and go NO CONTACT with him.  If yu continue being baited and engaging him everyone will think you're not done with him.  That; you want to have contact with him.... and the pd will believe that too.

Once you get about 6 weeks without a peep to him... I'm talking nothing at all.  Not texts or messages or notes for him to STOP CONTACTING YOU.... he'll ;likely begin to get the message. 

When he accuses you of absurdities that aren't true about you at all he's baiting and triggering you for a response.  He knows it not a fair accusation, but you don't know he's just jerkling you around.  YOu THINK he believes what he's saying, but he doesn't, IMO.

About his taking  your journal.... Good God again.  What more do you need to prove he's a  very bad person that will only continue to harm and defame you?  Get clear of him.  Shut him down by refusing to speak to him, nod to him in punlic, answer the door to him.... if you see him treat him like a stranger.  Don't make a peep in his direction.  He's not likely to say the really stupid things in court.... and the meds?  What an arse.  He's sinking pretty low, and will likely sink lower still.   

Stop reacting, bc it makes you look like he has a point.  Treat him like someone you're done with.  Always speak about him with compassion, and it will make you look like a sane, rational, level person who's divorcing an a hole who is immature, and very unstable.

hhaw
hhaw



What you are speaks so loudly in my ears.... I can't hear a word you're saying.

When someone tells you who they are... believe them.

"That which does not kill us, makes us stronger."
Nietchzsche

"It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness."
Eleanor Roosevelt

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LilyMarlene

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Re: 8 days of seperation.
« Reply #17 on: March 30, 2016, 08:05:41 PM »
Thank you, each one, for your words of encouragement and your practical advice.  I have been totally NC for two days, and haven't heard a peep from him.  He is blocked from all social media accounts, and I have had my friend drop off his stuff (hopefully he remembers to put my stuff out for her to get....wouldn't be surprised if he "forgot."  Although I had planned to block his phone #, I have not.  I believe he thinks I have, though, since I haven't responded to his last few "conciliatory"  messages.

Should he text me or call me, I WILL block his number.  I know I'm going against the advice of most, by not doing it yet, but I want a warning if he tells me he's coming over, or about to do something stupid.  I will NOT text him.  It isn't hard.  And I feel like there is nothing he can do that will provoke me to respond, either. 

I don't miss him.  I do find myself, throughout my day, having a moment of ....not panic, but discomfort....thinking "Oh, I didn't check in."  Then I remember that I don't have to do that anymore.   ;D
P.S.  I've read some of your stories.  I feel like this is piss-ant stuff compared to the legal battles some of you have had.  I did not marry this man.  While he is VERY extreme in his behavior and undoubtedly as manipulative as they come (a sociopath, IME) my battles with him are strictly emotional.  I didn't even live with him.  I shudder to think how close I came to doing that.  I'm grateful for your responses, because as much of a nightmare as this has been, I realize it could be far, far worse.  My hat is off, there are some incredibly strong people here.
« Last Edit: March 30, 2016, 08:48:14 PM by LilyMarlene »

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Rocket Girl

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Re: 8 days of seperation.
« Reply #18 on: March 30, 2016, 09:05:56 PM »
If I can offer a bit of "been there/done that"....   I, too, didn't block my ex's texts and he stayed away  Friends told me to block him but I didn't listen. I thought it was better to keep the devil close.  Well, out of the blue he texted me.  He had a unique text tone so I knew it was him.  It sent such a feeling of dread, panic, expectation, etc out of me.  It really was not worth it.  Once he said his BS, (I know I crossed boundaries, you are a kind woman, wish you the very best, blah blah blah), THEN I blocked his text/calls.  I do not regret it.   Something to think about.  Good luck.

I didn't marry my ex n/bpd, nor did I live with him.  I agree it could have been so much worse and my heart goes out to the brothers and sisters on this site that have suffered so much.  AND the kids.   The pain is real for all of us though.  Please recognize what he put you through and work on yourself to see the red flags next time.
- Rocket Girl

I will take my broken heart any day over his lack of one.

You don't have to be hit to be hurt.

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closure_with_clarity

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Re: 8 days of seperation.
« Reply #19 on: March 31, 2016, 04:25:07 PM »
I know I'm going against the advice of most, by not doing it yet, but I want a warning if he tells me he's coming over, or about to do something stupid. 

uNPD's are unpredictable and change their mode of operation constantly to try and keep us off guard. He "may" just pop up on your doorstep without notice looking to hoover and draw you back in.

You can not predict nor control what he'll do next. All you can do is protect yourself and have a course of action already worked out should he just show up on your doorstep...ie not opening the door etc.

Just some food for thought to further ponder while you consider not blocking him in the "hope" you get a heads up.  Trying to predict what a toxic person will do next is like trying to predict the weather :stars:
Let go of the people that dull your shine. Poison your spirit. And bring you drama. Cancel your subscription to their issues.  :)