Happy Easter = (

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unicorn

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Happy Easter = (
« on: March 26, 2016, 10:56:54 PM »
Its nice knowing that he can't really ruin my holiday, like he always does.  However I am going to be spending the day with him and the kids tomorrow and I am not looking forward to it.  I hope to just enjoy the time with my kids and not have to get sucked into any weird crap with him.  I know he's gonna try to talk to me about getting back together though.  :(


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mdana

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Re: Happy Easter = (
« Reply #1 on: March 26, 2016, 11:35:41 PM »
Unicorn ...

I don't envy you one bit.  Good luck ... it will be a difficult day I think.  See if you can try to ...separate yourself from the situation emotionally.... like, pretend you are watching a movie.  Look at your ex, the kids and the situation as if you were watching a movie and you are merely just watching...

Sounds weird, but ...that helps me sometimes to not feel too reactive.  When you are watching a movie, you are NOT PART of the movie... so, you don't have to get sucked it.  You are just watching ... with no opinion one way or another...

If you start to get emotional or anxious... step away for a bit and remind yourself ... "I am watching a movie"

goofy advise right? Jt has saved me a few times ...

xoxoxox

M
Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive. The Dalai Lama

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HopefulOne44

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Re: Happy Easter = (
« Reply #2 on: March 27, 2016, 06:57:10 PM »
🌼 Happy Easter to All! 🌼

I know what you mean, Unicorn.. ((((Unicorn)))))...💜

Enjoy your day with your kiddos and use it to strengthen your resolve to detach from any potential craziness. I'm sure you will be able to handle things.  The more you have time to yourself, the stronger you will become. 😊  I would take mdana's suggestions - words of wisdom to be sure!

I myself have experienced the holiday madness - again.. It seems not only related to the oversensitivity inherent in bpd but amazingly this always seems to occur just as the all the work to put things together begins. (Wrapping, egg dying & hiding, etc...) *rolling eyes*  Another long night by myself while H slept and I worked with a bit of resentment & knots in my stomach - like Christmas. 

But I made it thru!

After the initial awkwardness this morning we have done our 'Groundhog Day' thing and things are back to 'normal' 😒.

Besides the kids, obviously, the only thing really getting me thru this is keeping my plan for the big change -divorce - in the forefront of my mind.  Also, experiencing this crap  continually re-affirms my decision which altho I'm firm on, I sometimes feel guilty about when times are 'good' (relatively speaking, of course) between us.

Blessings on your jouney, Unicorn...I will send good thoughts your way that you will have a beautiful day today and a good and uneventful 😊 day tomorrow. 💜

H144 🌼







« Last Edit: March 27, 2016, 07:06:39 PM by HopefulOne44 »

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unicorn

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Re: Happy Easter = (
« Reply #3 on: March 29, 2016, 03:41:06 PM »
Ugh. I totally let him Hoover me on Easter and then again yesterday. I let him rub my feet! I don't know why.  :doh:

Then last night when I got home he had a tub of water to soak my feet in (I've been having severe muscle pains lately). THen also wine, which is funny because I am being accused being an alcoholic. He was very nice and left, but shit. I don't know what to do about my boundaries.

 :stars:

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mdana

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Re: Happy Easter = (
« Reply #4 on: March 29, 2016, 08:16:08 PM »

Yeah....
Not good... you need to work on your boundaries, otherwise... you will slip back into the Fog and it's always harder to work your way back.  Pd's like this of course and they learn how to sway and convince you (which in turn, makes them feel more powerful). I did that (back and fourth) for YEARS....YEARS off and on 26 years actually.  AND... it really did make things worse for me and the kids.  I was perpetually confused, feeling horrible, mad at myself, hopeful, then hopeless, totally ungrounded. My kids (daughter especially) saw me as "weak"..."spineless" and they saw dad as powerful, strong.  Once my daughter said to me "Why would I want to be like you... you don't have any power...I want to be like dad, he gets everything he wants". Truly, one of the saddest moments in my life.

That's just my story though... yours may be different. But, I do think it's a better idea to make a decision ...and stick to it.  If your decision is to 'wait and see'...then, wait and see, but have some boundaries around that.  Wait and see... pending...therapy for him? therapy for you? therapy for both? better behavior (what behavior)? sex or no sex in the meantime?  wait and see for 6 months, then decide? 

I probably sound like your mother (I am surely older than you given how old you say your kids are).  I didn't have solid family support AT ALL... I was so alone in my journey.  My mom gave me the worst advise anyone could get (My ex was a womanizer and her advise to me was ..."Jeez, you don't really expect ANY man to really be faithful to you over the course of a lifetime do you? My God, that's just so boring!).  She encouraged me to stay and has always ( I do mean ALWAYS) given me the most bogus advise. 

So.... Hum... The good news is, you get to decide whatever you want. 

xoxoxox
M
Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive. The Dalai Lama

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Rocket Girl

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Re: Happy Easter = (
« Reply #5 on: March 29, 2016, 08:26:39 PM »
Oh, Unicorn...  Don't beat yourself up, but please learn from this.  They are just so damn slick.  They have studied us and know exactly what will work on us.  We are clay in their hands.  Sooo, you need to be the strong one and say you aren't buying it anymore.  Because, I'm afraid you will see a leopard does not change his spots and as soon as he has you back being a good girl (ha!), then he will start dumping on you again.  It's just the way it is, unfortunately. 

I went back 4 times!  Finally my t told me to quit hurting myself and quit holding out hope.  They manipulate; it's what they do.  We want so badly for them to be well and to treat us like they did in the early days, we seldom see the forest for the trees.

It's hard, but you will feel such empowerment when you do it.  And we need empowerment and strength.  It's what they strip from us.
- Rocket Girl

I will take my broken heart any day over his lack of one.

You don't have to be hit to be hurt.