Best communication channel(s) for co-parenting

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Hoolio

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Best communication channel(s) for co-parenting
« on: March 27, 2016, 01:50:22 PM »
I just read it's a good idea to create an email just for co parenting (so crazy abisive emails don't polute work and otherwise civil emails)

I would LOVE to block my uBPD exW from AMS messaging  me but I can't on a normal iPhone.

I think I will create gmail mail rules to send a message to her if she tries the other email accounts that her email will email unread and to use the correct co-parenting email address.

I have customer phone ring and sms tones and vibrations for her.

I stopped short of using a Miss Piggy photo for her in my address book. After 10 years of harsh verbal abuse the idea did amuse me but it would be a bad example to the kids who would see it when she called. Someone has to be the adult! 

I tried to suggest we use a dedicated app (Wasaap) but she refused. 

It's going to be a struggle at first - she has a habit of being polite in emails and rude / critical in her SMS messages.

I am an ex husband of uBPD wife. Co parenting 2 children. Good luck to us all here!  Glad to be OOTF and rebuilding my life!

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Hoolio

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Re: Best communication channel(s) for co-parenting
« Reply #1 on: March 27, 2016, 01:51:09 PM »
Gah! Lots of typos sorry!
I am an ex husband of uBPD wife. Co parenting 2 children. Good luck to us all here!  Glad to be OOTF and rebuilding my life!

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kiwihelen

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Re: Best communication channel(s) for co-parenting
« Reply #2 on: March 28, 2016, 02:20:58 AM »
How old are your kids and what's your custody going to be? Communication needs to be in their interest and that's going to depend on these factors.
If it's going to court look at getting something like our family wizard into the agreement. That way any bad behaviour has a paper trail.
Our uPD is helpful because she uses capitals and underline when she's pissed in emails...

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Hoolio

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Re: Best communication channel(s) for co-parenting
« Reply #3 on: March 28, 2016, 07:39:11 AM »
My custody = 5 nights out of 14
During School periods: Every other weekend + one night a week

50% of all holidays (one week on one week off)

(+ some nice extra, bonus access times that would be unwise detail exactly here for annononimity reasons)

My wife will want to "jerk my chain" remotely.




I am an ex husband of uBPD wife. Co parenting 2 children. Good luck to us all here!  Glad to be OOTF and rebuilding my life!

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thesanewife

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Re: Best communication channel(s) for co-parenting
« Reply #4 on: March 28, 2016, 04:43:20 PM »
We cut out text altogether because BM was so abusive to my H.  We purchased Magic Jack and told her to call the home phone if she wanted to talk to the kids when they are at our house.  At first she blew up the home phone like no other and tried to get unblocked from texting, but the court didn't bat an eye at her because they saw the abusive texts and no judge is going to say, "Sure, keep making personal insults that having nothing to do with the kids via text because that's great co-parenting right there."  I can say 400% that blocking her from our cell phones was THE single best thing we have done in this whole circus we are in with her.  If you can find any way to block her I highly recommend it.  I know ANL on this board has done the same and feels like I do about it.

My H has gmail and I created a folder for him called "folder".....yes I know, very creative on my part, but I didn't want her name or anything on it that would make my H think of her when he opened his email account.  This way all of her emails fall directly in the folder and he doesn't have to have a separate email account to check.  He has the gmail app on his phone so that saved us from when BM said she needed to be able to reach him in an emergency....boom, he gets an email alert so no need to text or call his cell phone.

As for BM, she has I think 5 different email addresses she uses and on any given day she will insist my H use only one, then the next day another.  He's started just sending emails to all five addresses so she can't claim she didn't receive them.   ;D

Once upon a time they tried using a program called ASANA at BM's suggestion, but she stuck to that for about a week before she was back to emailing. 

If you do block her from texting and ask her to communicate via email only, expect that her emails will get nasty for a while.  You took away that immediate control she has via text so there will be backlash.  In our case we noticed that BM eventually realized we weren't going to unblock her so she calmed down a bit. 

Doing these two things (blocking cell phone and changing to email only) took us from DAILY (several times a day) communication (aka harassment) to maybe hearing from her once a week or every two weeks. 

I wish you the best of luck.  This is the worst roller coaster ride anyone can take.

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Hoolio

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Re: Best communication channel(s) for co-parenting
« Reply #5 on: March 28, 2016, 06:22:25 PM »
Thanks very good to get all that detail.

Yes. With an iPhone I could do fancy stuff like accept her calls but block her texts but only by jailbraking (hacking) my phone and I don't want to do that.

I told her today that I will give her a special email to use (she went crazy)

I think my best bet is gmail rules. I can shunt it into a folder away from my work emails (like your H) and only look when I am good and ready.

I have a funny alert tone set for her text messages and it takes the edge off
I am an ex husband of uBPD wife. Co parenting 2 children. Good luck to us all here!  Glad to be OOTF and rebuilding my life!