Lonliness

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AlienFox

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Lonliness
« on: March 27, 2016, 02:29:39 PM »
Hi.  I am circling back into grief and mourning the loss of my life with my BP wife.  16 years together and loving for 24 years is a very hard habit to break.  In one moment, I lost my home, my wife, my puppie and my ducks....it feels overwhelming.  I know that this will pass and that the weekends will be fun again sometime in the future but right now, this moment, I am drowning in grief.  I know that my relationship was never real, she was always empty and lonely and looking for someone to fill that emptiness.  I know it wasn't a healthy relationship but some part of me misses having my home, my things, a life....

Right now, I work out of the home that we shared, it is empty except for a few things for my home office and the cleaning supplies to keep the house ready for showings.  I sleep at a friend's home and take my two old Chihuahuas back and forth daily.  It feels like I have no home, no place to settle and start healing.  This house needs to sell so I can move on.  I am desperate to move on, I don't miss my wife and all of the drama, I just want some normalcy.  This half life is awful and I can't heal while not really living. 

Hopeful that my house sells soon so I can move on.

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InTheDarkness

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Re: Lonliness
« Reply #1 on: March 27, 2016, 05:43:54 PM »
AlienFox,

I'm only in the early stage of moving towards getting out but your pain and grief resonate with me quite clearly.  I can't speak with the authority of someone who is experiencing what you are dealing with, but my uBPDw and I have been together for a total of 24 years.  That's a lot of time, even if half of it was painful.  You invested yourself, emotionally, and those lingering feelings don't easily disappear once the person is out of your life, even when you realize you're better off without them.  It's how we're wired.  You have to mourn and grieve, the same as when a person or a pet dies.  It's the the way of life.  None of us can avoid it.  I'll miss our three cats; two of them quite old and one, only two years old, who has bonded to me 100%.  He's my buddy.  I'm tearing up as I write this.  But you'll get through it.  And if you can see a therapist, that would help.  Be gentle with yourself. 

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HopefulOne44

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Re: Lonliness
« Reply #2 on: March 27, 2016, 07:22:30 PM »
Just stopping by with a (((big hug))) for you, AlienFox (like your SN btw!)....

I'm so sorry for what you are going thru.  I'm not quite where you are in my journey, but I've been to hell and back a handful of times in my life and feel confident saying that you will be ok and things will get better/easier in time. 

You definitely found the right place.  There are so many wonderfully helpful and compassionate members on this forum and you will be amazed at the wisdom to be found here.

Hang in there... Take it one day, or minute or second at a time.  Put your mind on something meditative - model making, lawn mowing, crochet, drawing... An inpirational movie maybe.  It may seem counter productive, but sometimes watching a darker movie (that has a good ending) helps me feel better.  I love "The Game", with Michael Douglas, in particular. 😊

Blessings to you, AF. 💜

Read and post often... It will help tremendously.

H144 🌼
« Last Edit: March 27, 2016, 07:25:49 PM by HopefulOne44 »

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Sunny

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Re: Lonliness
« Reply #3 on: April 01, 2016, 02:06:40 AM »
Hi Alienfox, I hope you are feeling better and more connected! It is tough around the holidays, even the smaller ones like Easter/Passover...maybe as the weather warms up and the days get longer you will find some new walks to go on, or a hobby to take up, or a project in the yard...I am going thru the divorce process and my goals are to 1) join a divorce support group (co-ed!), 2) start volunteering with a group that interests me (still looking) and 3) exercise outside a few times a week.

There is a YouTube channel I like by Dana Delcimino (spelling?) called Narcissist Support. She recommends MeetUp groups; haven't tried them myself but I think they are good for people to go to by themselves.

Oh yes my last goal to get myself into a new head-space, go to some author events at a local bookstore! I have always been a bookworm so I may find my people there :). Best to you, Sunny

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trustyourgut

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Re: Lonliness
« Reply #4 on: April 01, 2016, 04:23:00 AM »
Alienfox, think of it this way if you can: you are single. Single is not half. Single is one. Single is whole as is. You are number one. You won. Hugs to you and best of luck on your journey. You can get through it. You are making it work!