Two days before move out - it's getting hairy!

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Hoolio

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Two days before move out - it's getting hairy!
« on: March 28, 2016, 06:57:04 PM »
uBPD stb ex w's temper is flaring up

Lots of anger  / shouting

We are on code amber

(Code red is when she loses it so badly all of the kids start to cry or she assault me or the kids physically)

Most of it is her projection of her upcoming  solo parenting anxieties onto me. (I'm fairly relaxed about it and looking forward to the challenge)

How will you cope? (She means - how will I cope)
You have no idea about ......  (she means - I am worried about how I will do .......)
You have no idea how to be a parent (she means - I think I am a bad parent)


I am an ex husband of uBPD wife. Co parenting 2 children. Good luck to us all here!  Glad to be OOTF and rebuilding my life!

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kiwihelen

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Re: Two days before move out - it's getting hairy!
« Reply #1 on: March 28, 2016, 11:50:48 PM »
ABR and call the appropriate people if she causes harm or threatens suicide

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hhaw

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Re: Two days before move out - it's getting hairy!
« Reply #2 on: March 29, 2016, 12:09:40 AM »
Calling the police when she assaults any family member might be an option if you want help protecting the children through the courts.

I don't know your exact situation, but..... I don't like that stbx w is assaulting you or the children without consequences, or messages that it won't be tolerated.

hhaw
hhaw



What you are speaks so loudly in my ears.... I can't hear a word you're saying.

When someone tells you who they are... believe them.

"That which does not kill us, makes us stronger."
Nietchzsche

"It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness."
Eleanor Roosevelt

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Hoolio

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Re: Two days before move out - it's getting hairy!
« Reply #3 on: March 29, 2016, 09:05:31 AM »
Assault so far = a few spanks on the bottoms for the kids and she tries to pinch me on my chest. (!)

But I have keen eye on escalation.

Years ago she threw things at me...

Last few years there has been nothing physical significant enough to to alert authorities about.

I am an ex husband of uBPD wife. Co parenting 2 children. Good luck to us all here!  Glad to be OOTF and rebuilding my life!

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hhaw

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Re: Two days before move out - it's getting hairy!
« Reply #4 on: March 29, 2016, 04:06:09 PM »
My  first divorce attorney said that tossing the tv remote hard can be reported as assault so a hard pinch is definitely something you could report... not sure about should report.

Having the criminal courts involved is something you should research, bc it could be a very important tool in getting everyone into a better place.

Not sure.

hhaw
hhaw



What you are speaks so loudly in my ears.... I can't hear a word you're saying.

When someone tells you who they are... believe them.

"That which does not kill us, makes us stronger."
Nietchzsche

"It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness."
Eleanor Roosevelt

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Hoolio

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Re: Two days before move out - it's getting hairy!
« Reply #5 on: March 29, 2016, 05:04:41 PM »
The reality of consequences for her actions are starting to bite.

Lots of f bombs today (in earshot of the kids)
I am an ex husband of uBPD wife. Co parenting 2 children. Good luck to us all here!  Glad to be OOTF and rebuilding my life!

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Freedomfromabuse

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Re: Two days before move out - it's getting hairy!
« Reply #6 on: April 03, 2016, 04:58:15 AM »
I think reporting abuse to the authorities is an important step to protecting your children. It is difficult but important. There needs to be a consequence to negative behavior so the children don't learn that abuse is a good way to get what they want. I don't know your situation so don't do something and then blame me if it goes poorly. I did not report abuse until after my ex filed false allegations against me. Please plan your steps carefully so that your children will be in the best environment possible. Your efforts to help them will be worth it. God bless you.

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Hoolio

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Re: Two days before move out - it's getting hairy!
« Reply #7 on: April 03, 2016, 08:51:14 AM »
The move to separate living is done.

Phew!

Otta there!

Enjoying my solo times with the kids so much more than before.
I am an ex husband of uBPD wife. Co parenting 2 children. Good luck to us all here!  Glad to be OOTF and rebuilding my life!

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hhaw

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Re: Two days before move out - it's getting hairy!
« Reply #8 on: April 03, 2016, 06:49:06 PM »
What a relief, Hoolio.

So.... with all those f bombs recorded and documented you must feel very good about proving your case in front of the family court Judge.

Did you check your State laws and make sure you can use those recordings legally in court?

hhaw
hhaw



What you are speaks so loudly in my ears.... I can't hear a word you're saying.

When someone tells you who they are... believe them.

"That which does not kill us, makes us stronger."
Nietchzsche

"It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness."
Eleanor Roosevelt

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Hoolio

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Re: Two days before move out - it's getting hairy!
« Reply #9 on: April 03, 2016, 09:21:39 PM »
They are totally inadmissible

I would respectfully like to drop this avenue of discussion. For several reasons.

1) my opening statement is 100% correct and confirmed by lawyers

2) pressing the issue will make me feel "attacked" or "hounded"  (and I have had too many years of that from the ex!)

3) for ID / security reasons I don't wish to go further on it.

That's my boundary on this issue.

Thanks in advance for respecting it.

I feel it was totally predictable that as we reached the final stretch towards separate living she would indulge in "last chance Texaco" anger outbursts - and she did!

The "hairy" two days have passed and we enter a new phase where I am less "within reach". It will have no doubt, new challenges.

Thanks all
I am an ex husband of uBPD wife. Co parenting 2 children. Good luck to us all here!  Glad to be OOTF and rebuilding my life!

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Hoolio

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Re: Two days before move out - it's getting hairy!
« Reply #10 on: April 03, 2016, 09:26:30 PM »
I hope this thread will be of use to people about to separate. My message = Expect and plan for fireworks. Escalation of acting out warning...
I am an ex husband of uBPD wife. Co parenting 2 children. Good luck to us all here!  Glad to be OOTF and rebuilding my life!

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hhaw

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Re: Two days before move out - it's getting hairy!
« Reply #11 on: April 03, 2016, 09:34:16 PM »
The reality of consequences for her actions are starting to bite.

Lots of f bombs today (in earshot of the kids)

So what are the consequences of all those f bombs in front of the kids?

hhaw
hhaw



What you are speaks so loudly in my ears.... I can't hear a word you're saying.

When someone tells you who they are... believe them.

"That which does not kill us, makes us stronger."
Nietchzsche

"It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness."
Eleanor Roosevelt

*

Hoolio

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Re: Two days before move out - it's getting hairy!
« Reply #12 on: April 03, 2016, 09:39:37 PM »
She is in a new location surrounded by all her stuff in cardboard boxes.

 :)

That is the consequence.

 :yeahthat:
I am an ex husband of uBPD wife. Co parenting 2 children. Good luck to us all here!  Glad to be OOTF and rebuilding my life!

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Wunder_If_Shes_One

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Re: Two days before move out - it's getting hairy!
« Reply #13 on: September 20, 2017, 02:15:37 PM »
She is in a new location...


I realize this is very old, and I dearly hope you're in a good place.  I was just curious how it is that the split resulted in her being the one to move out?