People are more important than things

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WonderGirl

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People are more important than things
« on: March 29, 2016, 12:41:21 AM »
I don't get attached to things. When my 1 year-old car got rear-ended a couple of weeks ago (SD and I were fine), I felt no annoyance, sense of loss, or anger. I felt bad for the young lady who hit us; she was so upset she was shaking. And then I had a story to tell DH when we got home. Aaaand that was it.

I will admit to feeling sad when the cat scratched up one of faux-leather dinning chairs. Just sad. But not because the chair had just gotten embelished, I did not feel loss. What I felt was the sad dreariness and loathing of having to tell someone that I had allowed something to break or get ruined. There would wailing about this treasured THING that was destroyed directly because of actions or in-actions by me. Then there would be aggressive angry blame about this treasured THING that was destroyed directly because of me. And then later the shameless sulking over what a disappointment-in-general I am would drag on for days or weeks. Or decades. My soul is heavy with the weight of the spirit of all plates, cups, vases, toys, dime-store jewelry, clothes, shoes, that I am guilty of ruining or outgrowing. I shall never be able to repay this dept to them. What a horrible person I am.

But then I remembered a couple of things. (1) I'm OK with a lightly scratched chair, (2) I don't have to tell anyone about if I don't want to on account of its my freakin’ chair! And (3) was, mmmm … what? What was that one thing? …. Oh right! It's that

PEOPLE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN THINGS.

I honestly do not have sentimental stuff. I've rebounded all the way to the opposite of hoarding. I do like nice stuff, but I rarely buy anything because I take really good care of my “things” and they last a while. But it's economic, not emotional. I would hate to lose everything in a fire because of the general chaos involved in trying to get back up to speed. But I'd get over all the stuff pretty quick. As long as I got the dogs out. And my husband. PEOPLE (and pets) ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN THINGS.

I think this is a good story of redemption. I think I've found a fairly rational explanation for my minimalist nature and I'm grateful that I've got my priorities in order now. But the fact that I have this story, this sliver from my life, to share, is kind of a bummer.

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Claudia

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Re: People are more important than things
« Reply #1 on: March 29, 2016, 04:50:37 AM »
Ok so whats weird is I come from a family of hoarders and I have read more than once on here that other people seem to have hoarders in their families and that people with PD's seem to hoard stuff.  Maybe that is just a coincidence but I am the exact opposite of that.  My family often accuse me of not having any feeling or being sentimental about anything which is not true.  There are a couple of things I own that I am attached too but I don't get attached much to 'things'.  I like to de-cluter and throw stuff away.  I really worried growing up that there was something wrong with me and that because of what they had said that I couldn't love anything because I seem to get over things quickly .  Now I realize it was just them that I didn't love, I love my FOC and I love my close friends, I love the people who love me. 

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Inurdreams

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Re: People are more important than things
« Reply #2 on: March 29, 2016, 12:14:37 PM »
I feel the same way.  There are very, very few things I own that I would be devastated if something happened to them, but they are all things my DS made me when he was little or things from the Dollar Store he bought me with his allowance.  Other stuff, is just stuff, to me.

I don't really get too attached to things.  Everything I ever had growing up was taken away from me or broken or stolen so I guess I learned at a very young age not to get attached to things.

NM would act like someone had ripped her arm off if anything got broken in our house.  I remember having to pull her off of my 5 yr. old sister she was beating for accidentally dropping and breaking the top of a cookie jar.  It wasn't even anything all that special.  Just a plain glass cookie jar that probably cost about $1.00 but NM acted like my sister had bulldozed the entire house, on purpose.

I don't have the need to buy new stuff all the time, either. To just go buy stuff, just because I can, seems pointless to me.  If I need a new coffee pot because my old one quit working, that's one thing but I just don't understand people's need to go out and spend money just to have something new.  I have actually heard people say, "I work hard and want to have something to show for it."  It's like their identity is tied up in showing off what they can buy,  But these are the same people who can't have a decent relationship with other people.





Peek not through the keyhole lest ye be vexed. - Stephen King


Response to a Flying Monkey:  Apparently you are suffering under the delusion that I give a damn.

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irkmandu

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Re: People are more important than things
« Reply #3 on: March 29, 2016, 12:34:15 PM »
I used to be a lot more materialistic. I think it stemmed from a fear of not being able to provide enough for my family. Over time, that has decreased as I have learned how little the stuff really matters. Now that I am facing divorce and losing half or more of our stuff, I actually feel like it's kind of liberating.
“Rings and other jewels are not gifts, but apologies for gifts. The only gift is a portion of thyself.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

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YvelCity

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Re: People are more important than things
« Reply #4 on: March 29, 2016, 03:54:57 PM »
I agree -- most of what I own are just 'things'.My mother is not a hoarder (obsessively neat and clean!), but she has huge numbers of 'special things' that she's collected over the years.  All must be displayed and dusted and cared for and if any get broken there will be h*ll to pay.  Interestingly, when I was growing up, my sister and I would find that our things were routinely discarded whenever we moved.    If the house burned down tomorrow, I would rescue the dog and my husband and know that I had what was most important to me.