Children.

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Orangeblossom77

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Children.
« on: March 29, 2016, 02:13:13 PM »
Unbelievable. My parents have now started getting a bit funny with my children. For example, my dad just rang (as he and my mum know I'm ill with Shingles). He was trying to find out if I'm actually ill, asking my son how they got home from school and did mum pick them up, and how mum was? I heard my son saying she's fine before I got him to hand over the phone. He calls himself by his first name too not Grandad which is a but odd. Anyway. They also write messages in birthday cards for example asking the children to come visit and asking when they'll see them next, and have also rang them and asked them the same. How can I deal with this sort of thing? Anyone else had the same? I worry they are trying to 'guilt' my sons into seeing them due to feeling sorry for them, which is kind of what they do with me so would be just a kind of extension. After he spoke to them on the phone the comment he said sums it up "Your mother was saying we should just come and visit you anyway if you're ill as we can help". Hmm

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SunnyandBright

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Re: Children.
« Reply #1 on: March 29, 2016, 02:16:51 PM »
No, they can't just invite themselves over.   

Also you have shingles -- did they have the vaccine? 

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betta fish

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Re: Children.
« Reply #2 on: March 29, 2016, 05:14:21 PM »
Hi,

First, Your parents brought you up to feel guilt and use it to manipulate you.  However, your kids weren't raised to respond to guilt, so they won't respond as was adults raised by a pd parent would.  Second, make sure you validate your kids and tell them it is ok for them not to see their grandparents.  As a parent your influence override / top's the grandparents', meaning your influence is much stronger, so they will believe you when you say it is OK.  Finally, you are the parent so contact or no contact is your choice.



“Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.”
― Maya Angelou

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DaisyGirl77

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Re: Children.
« Reply #3 on: March 29, 2016, 09:32:31 PM »
Quote
After he spoke to them on the phone the comment he said sums it up "Your mother was saying we should just come and visit you anyway if you're ill as we can help". Hmm

"Mom & Dad, as I've already stated, you are NOT welcome.  If either of you show up at our door this weekend (or any other weekend), you will not be allowed in."
I lived with my dad's uPD mom for 3.5 years.  This is my story:  http://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=59780.0  (TW for abuse descriptions.)

"You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep others warm." - Anonymous

NC with uNM since December 2016.  VLC with uPDF.

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Orangeblossom77

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Re: Children.
« Reply #4 on: March 30, 2016, 05:55:43 AM »
Yes that's exactly the kind of messages my kids get "You are always in our thoughts and we miss you so much when can we see you next" or inviting them to stay on the phone before they pass it to me. I've not really said much to the children yes but they do seem to want to get off the phone and hand it over pretty quick. For example my son came in sort of frowned and mouthed my dad's name to me and said "here she is" when he asked about me. I think he just finds it a bit boring adult stuff and wants to go back to what he's doing. Which is fine by me.

I have texted them "I need a month to recover from Shingles with no visitors. Thank you for understanding". So far, mum has said she's coming anyway and dad says he 'didn't get the message' but when i checked, his phone is working fine. So I have re-sent the message "in case you didn't et it the first time".