Birth Certificate Issue

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Chase

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Birth Certificate Issue
« on: March 29, 2016, 07:13:34 PM »
My mother is mentally/emotionally unstable. I suspect BPD.
Three years ago I started a process to include my father on my Texas birth certificate. My birth certificate doesn't have a name on it. At the time I started the process, I informed my maternal grandparents because I knew my mother would basically lose it.  She did. My grandparents - mainly my grandfather - helped me keep my mother in the somewhat normal category. My grandfather has now passed.

A little more backstory: My mother and grandmother told me that a different man was my father. I never met that man. Turned out my father lived in the same city and I met him when I was 18.

Issue is .... for whatever reason my mother didn't sign one of the forms that needed a notary and her signature. I thought everything was done and all I needed to do was order the birth certificate. I put the project down and recently decided to order the certificate. Dec 2014 I stopped talking to my mother ... completely. Now I need her signature. My only other two options are to leave my birth certificate without a father or I have to get a court order and my Dad and I need to do a DNA test. Both options aren't appealing to: having my mom sign the document which will most likely create problems. She won't just sign it, have it notarized and send it back. Or having my father do a court order/DNA test. I wish I could do this without them.

What do you think I should do?

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kanga40

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Re: Birth Certificate Issue
« Reply #1 on: March 30, 2016, 01:59:27 AM »
Chase,

I am sorry for what you are going through. This should in no way be a child's responsibility, whether you are an adult or otherwise.   That said, it is what it is and you need to figure it out "in a way that works for you".

The way I see it, you have two options:

a) ask your mother to add his name, or

b) do the DNA test.

I don't know your family's past.   What do you want from this? Are you in regular contact with the person who is said to be your Dad?   How do you feel about him?  For me, in tough situations when I give various answers to the questions I am asking, sometimes it gives me direction.  Sometimes, the answers to my questions will just lead to more questions.  Sometimes I don't want to know the answers to my questions.  And sometimes, I do. 

If I can suggest thinking about it a bit more from this context, it may help you with where you need to go.  And if you have more questions, ask us here.  For sure, that's what we are here for.

Take care, K40

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kanga40

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Re: Birth Certificate Issue
« Reply #2 on: March 30, 2016, 02:06:32 AM »
Sorry Chase!  Just re-read my post.  You of course have a third and fourth option ...

c) do nothing.  Carry on as you have.  As long as this works for you, it is surely fine, and

d) wait and see. You can decide what you need to do later.

There is no pressure in anything and it is up to you.  Is there an external deadline you need to meet? If not, then giving yourself time may be what you need.

And of course, bounce anything you need off us here! 

Take care. BIG HUG. K40

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kiwihelen

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Re: Birth Certificate Issue
« Reply #3 on: March 30, 2016, 06:42:38 AM »
I would just do the DNA and avoid playing your mother's game to control your relationship with your bio father.

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Orangeblossom77

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Re: Birth Certificate Issue
« Reply #4 on: March 30, 2016, 07:32:43 AM »
I suppose it depends what you need the birth certificate for and what info you need.