Indecision

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Summer Sun

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Indecision
« on: March 31, 2016, 12:11:10 PM »
I'm indecisive at the moment.  Having attempted MC, LC for awhile, as expected, the one recent well intended contact has escalated into uPDB predictably using condecsion, blame shifting, sarcasm and a whole bunch of deflection and projection in communication, all because I asked for clarification on his statement which was about me (and inaccurate IMO). 

processing the hurt, I've been paralyzed to respond, and now, seeing things for what they are, I have 2 choices.  Do not respond, I feel I've been set up, and, it's a no win.  There is no chance he will see or own anything.  Run.  The other option is to advise this is unacceptable to me and establish a clear boundary for any future interactions.  This too will undoubtedly result in turning the tables, but I wonder always, what's the right thing.  Have I done enough.  By just withdrawing, I risk appearing the crazy, in the wrong, blah, blah, blah one. 

Any suggestions?

SS
"The opposite of Love is not Hate, it's Indifference" - Elie Wiesel

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Bloomie

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Re: Indecision
« Reply #1 on: March 31, 2016, 02:06:29 PM »
Sumer Sun - If you feel your words were not heard and responded to in a considerate way then it may be time for limits, boundaries, and setting some consequences in place if you have never done so. Here is a great thread on boundaries: http://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=24.0  that you may find really helpful right now.

It also is a very reasonable response to withdraw and let the distance speak for you in the face of blame shifting and false accusations. One of the hardest things for me to let go of is what others will say or think or do either way. If I set a boundary or step away. It has really helped me to use the The 3 C's Rule that reminds me that "I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, and I can't control it."

My suggestion is simply to trust yourself, believe in yourself, and do what brings you the greatest peace. :hug:

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Claudia

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Re: Indecision
« Reply #2 on: March 31, 2016, 10:47:28 PM »
What I have realized is that it doesn't matter if you appear crazy to them.  What they think is just not important, what is important is protecting yourself and doing what is right for you and your mental state and your FOC.  You will never, ever change these people's minds or get them to see your point of view so it is a complete waste of time.  You have to do whatever you need that is right for you and their feelings shouldn't even be a consideration.  You are not the crazy one and you know you are not and at the end of the day that is ALL that matters.

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movingforward2

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Re: Indecision
« Reply #3 on: April 01, 2016, 09:43:33 AM »
I'm sorry Summer Sun.

I've often felt like this with my in-laws.  I can never win.  For me, I just try not to respond to them at all because it makes me feel better, in the long run.  For years, I would try to explain myself to them as I didn't think they understood my side.  It never worked out well.   My words would get twisted around and used against me.  Then, I tried putting things in writing.  Even then...with clear evidence, plan as day...lies would be told about me.  It was exhausting.

When I'm faced with a no win situation, I try to go with the solution that benefits me and often that is no response.  Then...the only thing my in-laws can say is that I'm hiding or I don't care, etc.  But...there are no more words to turn around, etc. 

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Summer Sun

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Re: Indecision
« Reply #4 on: April 01, 2016, 04:33:19 PM »
Thanks for the feedback, very helpful, and i feel  validated (not something one can experience in FOO).  The links were helpful, I also re-read the 8 most common narc conversation tactics - he hit 6 out of 8 the last spew.  I think I will just let silence speak.

SS
"The opposite of Love is not Hate, it's Indifference" - Elie Wiesel