Am I overreacting?

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Crochet Addict

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Am I overreacting?
« on: April 01, 2016, 03:38:29 PM »
This Sunday, DH and I are having a party for Sporting Event. We have one every year for Sporting Event. Last week, PDMom sent us Easter cards with checks and wrote "since we won't see you for Easter, here's some $$ for candy". It was established back in February that Sis is hosting Easter at her house. Since we're NC with NBil, I assumed that we weren't invited. PDMom's been freezing me out, so I've dropped the rope. I figure if she wants to talk to me, she knows how to use the phone. Well, yesterday, Sis sent me a message letting me know that Easter is at her house this Sunday. The same day as our Sporting Event party. We didn't invite Sis and NBil this year (for obvious reasons), but did invite Bro and his girlfriend. I didn't get a response from Bro and I texted his girlfriend, who told me that they were going to Easter at Sis and NBil's that day. Even more strange, PDMom and Bro both work that day, so they would need to take time off. PDMom guards her time off like it's gold, so it's highly unusual for her to take time off (she works every other weekend). I think that they decided to celebrate Easter a week late so that Bro and his girlfriend would have to pick between Sis's party and my party. I'm hurt and upset. I've been at a fairly mentally strong point lately and DH and I were talking about taking Little Man (our toddler) to visit PDMom and my grandfather. Now, I feel shut out and hurt and betrayed. I want to think they didn't do this on purpose, but I'm fairly certain they did. And it makes DH and I look like jerks for "choosing" our prior commitment to their celebration. Although my family already thinks I'm a jerk because I've dodged every holiday celebration since NBil took to threatening us.
Always question authority. Control my own destiny. Forcing change, breaking free from the wheels of the machine. Changing my world so I can live- execution: powershift. -Burton C. Bell of Fear Factory

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gaslightedbug

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Re: Am I overreacting?
« Reply #1 on: April 01, 2016, 03:47:17 PM »
I donít have much advice, however, I am going through something similar. My sis has a new fiancť who I donít want around my family. This has led to NC with her. My NM has weaseled her way into the middle. She often will plan things just as you are saying. My sis goes along with it of course. My situation has been going on for a year now. It gets easier then it flairs back up; usually around holidays and birthdays. Iíve also encountered issues with seeing relatives that were sick and dying and my sis/NM planning last minute trips at the same time as me rearranging my entire schedule as itís a couple day trip to see my family. I donít know what to say but I just keep my ground and do what I have to and show them itís not working and forcing themselves on us wonít happen either. So sorry you have to go through all this! Itís difficult being pushed from one angle much less multiple angles. My therapist keeps reminding me that it just proves that itís working as PD family members will push when they see a healthy change in a member of a dysfunctional family.

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SunnyandBright

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Re: Am I overreacting?
« Reply #2 on: April 01, 2016, 04:45:59 PM »
I've read your previous posts.   Nobody can tell you how to feel --- but I wish you didn't feel "hurt and upset."   What I think you'd be better off feeling is amused and off the hook --- you have plans, so you don't have to go!   Yep, your brother is choosing to go there -- no doubt he doesn't want them mad at him.   I'm sure he'd rather go to your event, but does he really have a choice, if he wants to stay in good graces with the majority?   

You are an outsider now, obviously.  You can choose to feel hurt and upset, and do all that you can to get back in --- or you can embrace it, and take it as your "Get Out of Jail Free" card.   Here is the thing.   You had a terrible childhood, and they still treat you bad.  They don't treat your kid any better.  So it's your choice to hang around them, and let them keep doing it.   A lot of us let them do it - until we have kids.   Then a lot of us see the light - this happened to me.   No way was I letting my mother say and do some of the things to my son that she did to me.  She wasn't bad enough to cut off, but I stopped let her babysit him when he was 7, due to some of her actions.   Only you can say if your FOO is bad enough to cut off or not.   It seems like there aren't too many choices -- you seem pretty adamant that you will stay away, and keep your family away from your BIL.   It doesn't sound like any of them agree with that choice.   So that pretty much leaves two choices - forgive BIL and go back into the fold ---- or go NC or VLC, and go on with your life.   I can't tell you what to do, but from everything you've said -- I would just go VLC, which should be easy enough since it sounds like they're all going to be mad at you, anyway.   

To me, it sounds like you should be too busy to have to put up with this.   You have so much other stuff in your life --- good stuff, and who needs this?  But only you can answer if there is anything really positive that comes your way, by keeping a relationship going with any of them.   

What do you think they did on the actual day of Easter?