Feel like I'm quietly going nuts! Have I done the right thing here?

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Serendipity12

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Hi, I posted this originally as a reply, but I realised I really need advice for my own sake as well!
Hi! I am in exactly the same position. Pd (possibly histrionic) mother and my father divorced when I was 9 (my two much older sisters, one of which is still the GC, had already left home) and I was left with a mother who would threaten suicide and walk out of the house at night leaving me alone, would start relationships with unsuitable men and warn me to be careful of them, blamed me for her divorce (even though she had had an affair) and constantly lied and manipulated my sibs and myself,effectively turning us against each other.  My eldest sister went nc for a long time, before she died in 2006 at an early age and after suffering from depression.  Mum partially made up with her before the end but still managed to call me to tell me to 'stay away, she didn't want to see me.' 
We live close and had limited contact for years, doing Sunday lunches etc.  My second sister and myself were both diagnosed with (different forms) of cancer and this brought us closer together, but I have always been aware that pdm is threatened by this.  Luckily my sis (who is the GC, She'll put up with anything) and myself seem to have been successfully treated and for a time I really thought that this had brought us together as a family again. I never let my children be with her unsupervised, however. She hated that.
So fast forward to today, and after making the mistake of hosting a Mothering Sunday meal (pdm always wants to be the host and the centre of attention), she became snarky and then (final straw) phoned up my sister to complain that my son who is 10 had moved her glasses case when she visited last :roll:  he was really upset and called her to apologise and I became less patient, finally rising to her jibes the following week at Sunday lunch.
My dh called her later to suggest a cooling off period, and she basically hasn't spoken to us since. She told me that she would be seeing my two young children at Easter as she was taking her other granddaughter out to 'buy her things,' She also constantly changes her will - eight times so far, to my knowledge (she has half a house, theoretically, to leave that would be a real help) but  I'm guessing that this is just another thing that will have to be sacrificed for the sake of mental health. There was, as far as I am concerned, no guarantee that I would see any of it anyway - she has already planned her funeral with control freak precision and I'm resolved not to go to give her the posthumous satisfaction.  The past couple of weeks I have been distracted from work, I've had trouble sleeping and I have also noticed that my GC sister and broth in law are more distant.  I think I have most likely been accused of things, most of which I can refute, but I really don't know if I have the strength any more.  Should I just leave all these people to get open with it? It saddens me to lose the relationship with my sister, especially as either of us could fall ill again....

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Serendipity12

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Re: Feel like I'm quietly going nuts! Have I done the right thing here?
« Reply #1 on: April 02, 2016, 11:45:37 AM »
By the way, I made a typo, that was supposed to read that she would NOT be seeing either of my children (8 and 10) at Easter as she was taking out her other granddaughter (GC's) child to buy her things instead. This other granddaughter is 25....

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SunnyandBright

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Re: Feel like I'm quietly going nuts! Have I done the right thing here?
« Reply #2 on: April 02, 2016, 01:42:59 PM »
Nobody can tell you what you should do, but leaving them alone does sound like a good idea to me.  I'm not sure you have a whole lot of choices in this situation.  They are who they are, and they aren't going to change?  Are you thinking you will give in to their demands and manipulations so they stay happy?  Do you think it can ever be enough -- and you can somehow make them stay happy and treat you better?   

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Serendipity12

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Re: Feel like I'm quietly going nuts! Have I done the right thing here?
« Reply #3 on: April 02, 2016, 02:24:00 PM »
Good point. I should know that they aren't going to change. Possibly by me refusing to be the scapegoat, PdM will have to find another one.  I can't imagine any other outcome for them all.  I just hate the less and the feeling that others (my sister especially) has completely the wrong idea of who I am. But it's a hopeless cause I think! Like beating my head on a brick wall :)
Ah well, reduced contact moving to none it is then....
Thank you for your reply! It helps not to feel isolated - or like its me that's going mad! :stars: