Sisters narrow minded comments come full circle

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Selene3339

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Sisters narrow minded comments come full circle
« on: April 03, 2016, 05:15:30 PM »
My NPD sister has spent a good majority of her life making sure she belittles everything I do. I have been NC with her for 3 years but of course hear about her 'great' ways from my FOO.

I have always been a natural type person, making soap, cleaning products, growing food and herbs, and she made sure she put that down to 'new age crap' whenever she could. Comments made and sarcasm abounded from her.

Now she is a big hero because she had started making soap, going to salt spa's etc. HAHAHA! She told me over 15 years ago that using salt on my body would 'just dry my skin out, was I stupid or what?' Her and her 'twin' daughter now have salt lamps ( which I have been using since the 1980's) and everyone is fascinated by this, though they rolled their eyes at my lamps!

She always used heavy commercial cleaning products and told me that I wasn't "really" cleaning my house with natural products, just 'spreading germs around.' So many things they are doing now that they laughed and criticized me for.

It sounds petty now that I write this down, but my family acts like she just discovered the holy grail. When I heard this crap last night I just burned with how badly I had been treated over the years by just being myself.

~Selene3339

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Dolphin

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Re: Sisters narrow minded comments come full circle
« Reply #1 on: April 04, 2016, 09:34:34 AM »
I have found that the uNPDs I know put a lot of time and effort into getting attention, and sometimes do seem to have more closer relationships as a result.  Meanwhile folks like us are forced to put our time and effort into being ourselves and taking care of business.  These seemingly petty issues remind us of the larger issues we've had to deal with.

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Bloomie

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Re: Sisters narrow minded comments come full circle
« Reply #2 on: April 04, 2016, 01:39:20 PM »
Selene - maybe it is more that the unique and separate way that you have chosen to live your life was marginalized and treated with contempt by your sister and foo. That stings, and now to see/hear these very things touted as the latest and greatest cure all and be all that she has discovered so therefore they are ahhhhhmazing  :sadno:, is a painful reminder of the favor and special interest and acceptance you sister is shown in your foo. 

It doesn't seem petty to me. All of these things are indicative of the bigger underlying issues that have hurt you deeply. :hug:

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Claudia

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Re: Sisters narrow minded comments come full circle
« Reply #3 on: April 05, 2016, 08:08:34 AM »
Selene I completely get what you are saying.  My FOO have made fun of me about so many things that I do, I am just so different to them that they were always making snide comments about how tidy I am, the things I do for my kids, the kind of mum I am, the involvement I have in my children's school, the list goes on.  I can't say that they have ever adopted any of my ways of life in the way your sister obviously has but your post doesn't sound petty to me at all.  Its just another way that these people belittle and then twist it all around so they are always the ones that come out smelling like roses and we always look like the bad or the stupid people to them  >:(

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daughter

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Re: Sisters narrow minded comments come full circle
« Reply #4 on: April 05, 2016, 10:15:27 AM »
I'm now NC.  For years, NBM and NF would inevitably disregard my opinions and bad-mouth my preferences until they'd be validated by a more-esteemed friend of theirs, or copied by nsis and/or NBIL.  My advice was considered unworthy, my comments "just grumpy-complaining", my opinions as odd and unreliable.  According to my parents, if I disliked something, then it was "my fault", and if I liked something, then it was "wrong or inappropriate or not-worthy".  But even then, as the blatantly disfavored "dutiful daughter", I understood their underlying motivation for negating my opinions and preferences was to undermine me, to (again) demonstrate their inherent lack of regard for me.  It's not a situation than can be remedied.  Lots of life-choices and actions taken by me were at first belittled, then validated later, once nsis would do the exact same thing.  Ditto on our parenting choices.

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Joan

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Re: Sisters narrow minded comments come full circle
« Reply #5 on: April 05, 2016, 11:03:29 AM »
Not petty at all! Unfortunately its familiar for most, if not any of us here.

I have uPD relatives that used to compliment friends for minor things, while a few of my major achievements went unnoticed. It was their way to show me how little I meant to them. Im NC now.

Looking back, I see a lot of envy and jealousy going on. They are not capable of doing half of what we did in life and they resent that.

"I have found that the uNPDs I know put a lot of time and effort into getting attention, and sometimes do seem to have more closer relationships as a result.  Meanwhile folks like us are forced to put our time and effort into being ourselves and taking care of business.  These seemingly petty issues remind us of the larger issues we've had to deal with."

Dolphin, I couldnt have said it better myself.

Great thread, btw. :)

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all4peace

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Re: Sisters narrow minded comments come full circle
« Reply #6 on: April 05, 2016, 02:43:11 PM »
I see it as just another way of invalidating you. It feels rotten, no matter how small the topic is.

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magenta22

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Re: Sisters narrow minded comments come full circle
« Reply #7 on: April 06, 2016, 12:24:24 AM »
It sounds as if your FOO assigned you the SG (scapegoat) role since babyhood and your sister got the Golden Child (GC) role, so even if you won the Nobel prize nobody in in your family will congratulate you or acknowledge your talents . On the other hand your GC sister seems jealous of you and is trying to imitate you (of course she will never admit it! :stars:). So you know you are accomplished and better than them. Do not seek ANY approval from the dysfunctional family, leave them to their pettiness.
In my NPD family there are many similar situations: For example, I'm the SG in my family and once I won a Scholarship to study in France, well my GC brother and NPD mother started taking french classes, of course at the end they never learned French. It was some sort of sick competition in their crazy minds the SG MUST NEVER be better than them.......so seek love and approval from good people (friends, etc). The PD families have none to give and always remember the GC receives only more "attention/praise": never LOVE, sadly these people have no love or empathy to give. 

By the way I love natural products and think is great what you are doing!    :applause:
Hugs

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1footouttadefog

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Re: Sisters narrow minded comments come full circle
« Reply #8 on: April 08, 2016, 10:52:51 AM »
Its just that narcs can sell to other narcs better than nons can. Lol.

Imagined comment to sister:  Everyone was so impressed with you having some interests in common with me.  I goes to show you wear being me better than I do. (Evil grin)