NPD brother looking for contact

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magenta22

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NPD brother looking for contact
« on: April 04, 2016, 02:55:00 PM »
This is weird all my life my NPD brother (chosen golden child of NPD Queen mother) has treated me like dirt, but since I went Very low contact with Npd family he keeps adding my to a "family" chat room, I keep exiting this chat room and eliminating it all the time, he knows why, yuck! The last thing I want is to be part of that toxic loonies bin. He Nevers asks me why I keep quitting, he knows why, but he keeps adding me. What the..is going on, now he's attempt ing contact, he called me at Easter...go figure....so what is this? Can someone please tell me Why after a lifetime of abuse he is suddenly wanting contact and playing nice?

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all4peace

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Re: NPD brother looking for contact
« Reply #1 on: April 04, 2016, 03:00:25 PM »
It's called hoovering and it is crazy making.

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daughter

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Re: NPD brother looking for contact
« Reply #2 on: April 05, 2016, 10:18:32 AM »
Sounds like passive-aggressive behavior.  I'm assuming your talking about FB; why not block him?

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Joan

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Re: NPD brother looking for contact
« Reply #3 on: April 05, 2016, 12:29:56 PM »
Probably hes missing his punching bag. Happened to me too, with a couple of NPD/ HPD/ BPD relatives.

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magenta22

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Re: NPD brother looking for contact
« Reply #4 on: April 05, 2016, 01:07:15 PM »
Yes, totally hoovering. But no is not Facebook is a chat app. I'm VL contact with NPD family, after that  my NPD "Queen" mother saw that her tactics where not working on me she gave me the silent treatment (it's her way of "punishing me" ha ha if she knew how happy I'm I with her so called punishment). I have been "vanished" from her court Yuck!. I no longer give her N supply.

My GC brother, on the other hand, is not used for me treating him like he treated me in the past. On my birthday he never gave any presents but I had to give him one on his. Now I do not give him anything, etc. He is probably puzzled after me being a doormat my entire life, that I could not care less for their company and that I do not like them! I never did!

The thing that I do not block him is because my sister in law, she's very nice.  But this hoovering is weird!!!

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Sunshine days

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Re: NPD brother looking for contact
« Reply #5 on: April 10, 2016, 06:41:59 AM »
He needs to apologise if it's going to work and feel his wrong doing. Have you shared how he abused you? My gc knew I got the rough end of the stick with my n/m and I have cut contact and the roles have changed in the sense he knows I know , I have tried speaking my truths to him but he's in denial, it's either to painful for him to come to terms with or he really doesn't care and will end up a real narc in the end. I have little contact and when we do he acts as though nothing has happened but he knows I have changed . My advise would be create boundaries and stop running away , tell him straight and then you can grow as a person. Good luck

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Inurdreams

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Re: NPD brother looking for contact
« Reply #6 on: April 10, 2016, 11:33:14 AM »
My DH's PDB did this to DH.   Couldn't figure it out for a while.  It was PDB who caused the whole debacle that eventually ended up causing DH to go NC with him and the rest of DH's FOO.

I kept wondering why PDBIL was so keen on contacting DH.  After all, PDBIL now had his precious Nmommy all to himself.  He never had to share the limelight with DH.  He was King of the Mountain so why keep trying to contact DH?

I think that PDBIL wanted to gloat, for one thing.  The other is that he needed someone (DH) to compare himself to, which was odd since PDBIL thinks the world revolves around him, which it does in his FOO.  The other thing, and I have noticed this with other PDs, he (PDBIL) will not be ignored.  He wants to be seen and heard.  He doesn't want to be forgotten.

I noticed that once DH went NC with him and the rest of the family they had this sudden realization that they were expendable; that DH could survive just fine without them.  They can't come to terms with their insignificance to DH, especially PDBIL who is a legend in his own mind.

IMO, this is why NC works so well.  You can't talk sense into these people.  You can't love it away.  You can't pray it away.  You can't excuse it away.  You can't pretend it away.  You can't "nice" it away.  All I have found that works is to walk away and stay away.  It won't change them but it makes life livable for us.  Sure they will do whatever it takes to rope us back in because if and when they do, they win and that's what it's all about with them.  It's a game and they must win at all cost.  The only way we will win is to stop playing the game and stop engaging with them.


Peek not through the keyhole lest ye be vexed. - Stephen King


Response to a Flying Monkey:  Apparently you are suffering under the delusion that I give a damn.

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magenta22

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Re: NPD brother looking for contact
« Reply #7 on: April 15, 2016, 02:27:51 PM »
Thank you for your answers! Yes, inurdreams I think you're right, is like he needs some contact to gloat...a sick game indeed and so hypocritical.
Thank you sunshine day's but my brother Never has apologized in his whole life to anyone. As for facing his abuse, I confronted him since I was 6 years old about it and he always laughed about it, he knows simply does not care, was never held accountable or punished by Mpd parents, he' s their "product". Although now as an adult if I tell him what the hell does je want i' M sure he will enjoy the drama and laugh with his friends and NPD family about his " crazy" sensitive sister.
This weird behavior looking for contact from time to time is awful, is like the other comment posted here very insightful: He misses his punching bag.

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Sunshine days

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Re: NPD brother looking for contact
« Reply #8 on: April 15, 2016, 09:18:26 PM »
For me the real contact is the real little child in them that is trapped and hasn't grown up , the child that was never helped accountable . Yeah laugh with their controlling friends , yet they can't see the broken family they are and how trapped they are with their misfit friends from other misfit families. If he wants his punching bag it means he wants you back in that place you crawled out of sensitive sister, didn't you know that you wasnt allowed an opinion, your are crazy needy and sensitive sister who isn't doing what your are suppose to be doing. Sounds like you are sticking up for yourself, good on you and stay strong. They don't want us to grow because they can't grow they are pd who need bait.