Approaching 3 months OOTF

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Approaching 3 months OOTF
« on: April 10, 2016, 03:00:30 AM »
As I make my way to a full 3 months NC since breaking up with my ex ASPD bf I can't help but wonder what I'm going to feel like in another 3 months, in 6 months, in a year, etc. I feel like I have uncovered so much information about myself through this destructive heartbreak (and actually used the destruction as a means to rebuild my life to be the way I want it) so what more am I going to learn and will I end up being completely changed because of this? I already feel myself becoming someone unfamiliar because of how much I was forced to grow in such a short time as I hung on for dear life. It's like I wanted to take time to be single and get over this and get to know myself but now I can't really keep up with who I am if that makes sense.

The missing piece right now is my inner sense of calm. I'm still on edge, still mourning, and still clinging to moving forward and getting as far away from the day it all fell apart as possible. If I could run across the calendar to a later month I would've done that by now. Is anyone out there farther along in their healing from an ASPD partner than me? Would you be willing to share how you feel now and what you've learned? Thanks